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http://www.shrink4men.com/2011/03/01...or-on-youtube/
Its a series of 12 videos I encourage people contemplating marriage or cohabitation to watch all of them.
Got this originally from the married man sex life blog.
And a comment by Novaseeker that I think is also worth reading:
From the guy who made the videos:
Its a series of 12 videos I encourage people contemplating marriage or cohabitation to watch all of them.
Got this originally from the married man sex life blog.
There is no happy ending to this story. The husband's lawyer never got the 12 videos entered in the family court case, so the wife got full custody of the kids. She also started an affair with a family friend, that marriage broke up and she married her affair partner. Cold.
And a comment by Novaseeker that I think is also worth reading:
It's like the commentor says, it's not that guys like this are wimps, it's that there is literally nothing they can do about it. Any self-defense is seen as an attack, and the kids are held hostage.
Yes, there are no very good options, only ticking off less worse ones.
1. You leave the place. Best bet in terms of physical safety in the short term, but if you stay away for more than a day or if you end up doing this frequently, it's a big black eye when it comes to custody decisions, as you will be tarnished for "abandoning" the kids. And if your idea is to leave the place with the kids in tow in order to protect them, if you try to do that without calling the police about the problem first, you're going to have a hard time with the judge about custody as well because you will be tarnished for "kidnapping" your own kids, in effect, from their rightful mother.
2. If you call the police, unless your wife is stupid/crazy enough to be prancing around with the hammer, waving it in their faces, many states have laws that require the police to arrest *you* because you are probably bigger and stronger than she is, regardless of who was (supposedly ... the cops weren't there) running around swinging a hammer. So you get to spend a night in jail, her lawyer gets an ex parte restraining order placed on you and gets a temporary custodial order giving her custody of the kids. By the time any business about a home video ever gets to the judge (and it may be excluded for numerous reasons, really), the deal is done and dusted, because you are out of the house, away from your financial records, your belongings and your kids, and subject to a custodial order that typically gets turned into a permanent custodial order on the -- get this -- basis that you're already living apart from the kids for the most part at that stage anyway!
3. You stay in the place. Bad if she really is a psycho and can hurt you and the kids. If she's bluffing, however, this is the best route because it gives you at least some time to plan and consult with a lawyer before pulling the plug (and you have to pull the plug -- there is no remaining married to a woman swinging a hammer in your face, and if you think there is, you need serious therapy). This is a tough call, but it really depends on how you read the situation and whether you think she's crazy enough to actually bash your head in (and/or the kids' heads) with that hammer.
All bad options, really. It's the way this plays out in too many cases. In this case the woman is bi-polar, but there are many, many other cases where she just flips her lid in the context of a divorce and the legal system simply backs her up because she is smaller than you are. The laws are very, very, very, very bad for men on all of these matters - God forbid if you ever get to the point of something like the video, you need to think in terms of damage control more than anything else. Yes, it's true that men can win their divorces -- but often when that happens it's because the woman effectively gives up (i.e., one of the few who skips town, leaves the kids with hubby and is happy enough with that -- i.e., she doesn't care about "winning") or, as one lawyer quipped to me during my own divorce, if she shows up in court with a lit crack pipe in her hand (or the functional equivalent thereof). Sometimes men get a more equal result if they are way ahead of their wives, are the instigators of the divorce, have it planned out in advance and so on with their lawyers and financial advisers -- i.e., if the man is, as is rarely the case, behaving as the typical wife does when she is stealth-preparing for divorce.
But if you're in anything like the situation in the video, it's a very tough call by that point, really. No very good options, I'm afraid.
Yes, there are no very good options, only ticking off less worse ones.
1. You leave the place. Best bet in terms of physical safety in the short term, but if you stay away for more than a day or if you end up doing this frequently, it's a big black eye when it comes to custody decisions, as you will be tarnished for "abandoning" the kids. And if your idea is to leave the place with the kids in tow in order to protect them, if you try to do that without calling the police about the problem first, you're going to have a hard time with the judge about custody as well because you will be tarnished for "kidnapping" your own kids, in effect, from their rightful mother.
2. If you call the police, unless your wife is stupid/crazy enough to be prancing around with the hammer, waving it in their faces, many states have laws that require the police to arrest *you* because you are probably bigger and stronger than she is, regardless of who was (supposedly ... the cops weren't there) running around swinging a hammer. So you get to spend a night in jail, her lawyer gets an ex parte restraining order placed on you and gets a temporary custodial order giving her custody of the kids. By the time any business about a home video ever gets to the judge (and it may be excluded for numerous reasons, really), the deal is done and dusted, because you are out of the house, away from your financial records, your belongings and your kids, and subject to a custodial order that typically gets turned into a permanent custodial order on the -- get this -- basis that you're already living apart from the kids for the most part at that stage anyway!
3. You stay in the place. Bad if she really is a psycho and can hurt you and the kids. If she's bluffing, however, this is the best route because it gives you at least some time to plan and consult with a lawyer before pulling the plug (and you have to pull the plug -- there is no remaining married to a woman swinging a hammer in your face, and if you think there is, you need serious therapy). This is a tough call, but it really depends on how you read the situation and whether you think she's crazy enough to actually bash your head in (and/or the kids' heads) with that hammer.
All bad options, really. It's the way this plays out in too many cases. In this case the woman is bi-polar, but there are many, many other cases where she just flips her lid in the context of a divorce and the legal system simply backs her up because she is smaller than you are. The laws are very, very, very, very bad for men on all of these matters - God forbid if you ever get to the point of something like the video, you need to think in terms of damage control more than anything else. Yes, it's true that men can win their divorces -- but often when that happens it's because the woman effectively gives up (i.e., one of the few who skips town, leaves the kids with hubby and is happy enough with that -- i.e., she doesn't care about "winning") or, as one lawyer quipped to me during my own divorce, if she shows up in court with a lit crack pipe in her hand (or the functional equivalent thereof). Sometimes men get a more equal result if they are way ahead of their wives, are the instigators of the divorce, have it planned out in advance and so on with their lawyers and financial advisers -- i.e., if the man is, as is rarely the case, behaving as the typical wife does when she is stealth-preparing for divorce.
But if you're in anything like the situation in the video, it's a very tough call by that point, really. No very good options, I'm afraid.
Hello. My name is Greg. These are my home videos. I read and re-read the comments with great interest and am honored to be supported by many. (Including the many supporters who have written through Youtube) Following countless tirades over the years, increasing exponentially after the birth of our second child, I would set a video camera on the mantle aimed at “us.”
Recording or not it was intended to be a silent witness with the sole intent of tempering my then-wife’s tantrums. I reasoned, who would continue a vituperous attack with the potential of being exposed? The answer is: My then-wife. On one occasion she grabbed the camera and bolted for the wall of the back yard and attempted to hurl it over into traffic. I gripped the camera in the nick of time.
The camera was freely accessible for use by anyone but to my dismay, on many occasions, was not charged or was not loaded with a tape. I always believed that the last tirade was, well… the last tirade. That she would come to some epiphany – that her actions and demeanor would somehow end and she would become a loving mother and wife for the sake of her children. That was not to be.
Lynn could have taken control of the camera and recorded me at any time except, I never behaved in a manner that would have been “recordable.” It was very perceptive of Dr. Palmatier to write, “I hope there was a happy ending, but for some reason, I doubt it.” This child custody dispute was the fight of my life.
I engaged the services of one of the most expensive and tenured attorneys in Collin County. He cratered. He failed to get these videos in front of the judge with the resulting ruling that we would have “Shared Managerial Custody” but that Lynn would be the parent to decide the residence of the children – primary custody – to the dismay of [deleted.] My emotional death occurred that day.
Lynn’s remarried to a previous friend of our family. He filed for divorce one month after our divorce became final though they were dating prior to his petition. Lynn continues to perpetrate her fears and insecurities upon the children. She has always assailed their self-esteem and probably always will. That’s how cluster-Bs work – instead of elevating themselves, they find parity with others by bringing others down. They are unable to feel empathy for others, including their children, as everything is alway about themselves.
To the people that believe that I should have removed the children before Lynn’s eruptions… that is like saying to a person who lost their house in a tornado, “Why didn’t you leave when you saw clouds forming on the horizon?” Not that it would matter, the house was still destroyed. To those who wrote they felt I should have protected by children’s identity, I reply… My children are older now and do not resemble their likeness in the video. If someone we know were to recognize them for who they are, so what? They are not culpable and can not be implicated in their parents failings. And I’m not attempting to hide Lynn’s or my identity.
As for me questioning Preston and Brooke following an episode, it seems so benign in comparison – they had just endured a BPD episode and I needed to establish some facts. Dr. Palmatier was correct when she wrote, “[Feels] broken with nothing like he has nothing to lose.”
On one occasion I messaged Lynn and asked if I could take the children to lunch. The reply was from her new husband informing me that I could not. Lynn has always abrogated her parenthood to the advice of the person she is with at the time. (A facet of BPD) I repeatedly asked her husband not to attempt to walk in my shoes to no avail. Recently, Lynn messaged me to demand that I not become engaged at the schools, as I have, and will.
Her continuous taking ownership of the kids induced me to bring out the videos. Now her years of lies, disparagement, malignment, and vilification of me will be revealed. Now all can see where the excentricities lie. But a few things will never change… I love my children as much as any father ever has. Preston and Brooke know who their father is and as I have echoed throughout the years, “If you’ve ever got a problem, I am your go-to Dad.
From their birth onward it was I that nurtured them mentally and emotionally. I was and is I that offers them unconditional love. Lynn loves them too, except, Lynn doesn’t love the children more than she loves herself. Otherwise, she would not have destroyed their otherwise happy childhood. My son calls me every night and I talk to my daughter almost every week. And when they have a problem, question, or concern – they call the person who will never place his own interests before theirs, their Dad.
Nine of twelve videos are posted on Youtube. Keywords: “Marriage in Plano TX” I am reluctant to post videos 10, 11, or 12. They’re too disturbing. Comments welcome.
P.S. Many suggested that I “knock that b***h the f**k out!” This is Texas and I was not going to take the bait. I may have been tempted but I never sacrificed my dignity in front of my children. I never cheated on or hit my wife and as a result can to this day hold my sceptre high. P.P.S. Following the events of video 9, Lynn did call the police and accuse me of assaulting her. By the time the police arrived I had removed the children from the scene.
Recording or not it was intended to be a silent witness with the sole intent of tempering my then-wife’s tantrums. I reasoned, who would continue a vituperous attack with the potential of being exposed? The answer is: My then-wife. On one occasion she grabbed the camera and bolted for the wall of the back yard and attempted to hurl it over into traffic. I gripped the camera in the nick of time.
The camera was freely accessible for use by anyone but to my dismay, on many occasions, was not charged or was not loaded with a tape. I always believed that the last tirade was, well… the last tirade. That she would come to some epiphany – that her actions and demeanor would somehow end and she would become a loving mother and wife for the sake of her children. That was not to be.
Lynn could have taken control of the camera and recorded me at any time except, I never behaved in a manner that would have been “recordable.” It was very perceptive of Dr. Palmatier to write, “I hope there was a happy ending, but for some reason, I doubt it.” This child custody dispute was the fight of my life.
I engaged the services of one of the most expensive and tenured attorneys in Collin County. He cratered. He failed to get these videos in front of the judge with the resulting ruling that we would have “Shared Managerial Custody” but that Lynn would be the parent to decide the residence of the children – primary custody – to the dismay of [deleted.] My emotional death occurred that day.
Lynn’s remarried to a previous friend of our family. He filed for divorce one month after our divorce became final though they were dating prior to his petition. Lynn continues to perpetrate her fears and insecurities upon the children. She has always assailed their self-esteem and probably always will. That’s how cluster-Bs work – instead of elevating themselves, they find parity with others by bringing others down. They are unable to feel empathy for others, including their children, as everything is alway about themselves.
To the people that believe that I should have removed the children before Lynn’s eruptions… that is like saying to a person who lost their house in a tornado, “Why didn’t you leave when you saw clouds forming on the horizon?” Not that it would matter, the house was still destroyed. To those who wrote they felt I should have protected by children’s identity, I reply… My children are older now and do not resemble their likeness in the video. If someone we know were to recognize them for who they are, so what? They are not culpable and can not be implicated in their parents failings. And I’m not attempting to hide Lynn’s or my identity.
As for me questioning Preston and Brooke following an episode, it seems so benign in comparison – they had just endured a BPD episode and I needed to establish some facts. Dr. Palmatier was correct when she wrote, “[Feels] broken with nothing like he has nothing to lose.”
On one occasion I messaged Lynn and asked if I could take the children to lunch. The reply was from her new husband informing me that I could not. Lynn has always abrogated her parenthood to the advice of the person she is with at the time. (A facet of BPD) I repeatedly asked her husband not to attempt to walk in my shoes to no avail. Recently, Lynn messaged me to demand that I not become engaged at the schools, as I have, and will.
Her continuous taking ownership of the kids induced me to bring out the videos. Now her years of lies, disparagement, malignment, and vilification of me will be revealed. Now all can see where the excentricities lie. But a few things will never change… I love my children as much as any father ever has. Preston and Brooke know who their father is and as I have echoed throughout the years, “If you’ve ever got a problem, I am your go-to Dad.
From their birth onward it was I that nurtured them mentally and emotionally. I was and is I that offers them unconditional love. Lynn loves them too, except, Lynn doesn’t love the children more than she loves herself. Otherwise, she would not have destroyed their otherwise happy childhood. My son calls me every night and I talk to my daughter almost every week. And when they have a problem, question, or concern – they call the person who will never place his own interests before theirs, their Dad.
Nine of twelve videos are posted on Youtube. Keywords: “Marriage in Plano TX” I am reluctant to post videos 10, 11, or 12. They’re too disturbing. Comments welcome.
P.S. Many suggested that I “knock that b***h the f**k out!” This is Texas and I was not going to take the bait. I may have been tempted but I never sacrificed my dignity in front of my children. I never cheated on or hit my wife and as a result can to this day hold my sceptre high. P.P.S. Following the events of video 9, Lynn did call the police and accuse me of assaulting her. By the time the police arrived I had removed the children from the scene.
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