Cap'n Crunch walks the plank

[Thoth]

Maybe you need to reconsider your diet, add some more calcium complex carbohydrates...

Fat Yankees

Fad diets

[Barnabas]

This whole thing is horrible, the Gov should not pressure companies into making the food they sell healthy, just teach the people to eat "unhealthy" food with moderation

I would hate it if Coke "changed" because of pressure from Obama because American kids are fat

[Thoth]

Fat Americans are a good thing.

They will make the inevitable conquest of Yankeestan by the Canadian Empire even easier.

[Barnabas]

Is it true that all Canadians are lean thin people like Jim Carrey and Celine Dion and Brian Adams? Joni Mitchell is also thin, I see a pattern

[Asher]

Yes.

[Solomwi]

Yeah, but Shatner's Canadian, as was John Candy.

[Thoth]

Is it true that all Canadians are lean thin people like Jim Carrey and Celine Dion and Brian Adams? Joni Mitchell is also thin, I see a pattern

Yes. Canadians are the epitome of health. Having to spend 9 months of the year living in igloos and eating Harp seal flesh builds robust people.

However, Celene Dion is not Canadian. Any claims to the contrary are the work of Commie loving terrorist supporting Yankee insurgents who hate freedom.

[Thoth]

Yeah, but Shatner's Canadian, as was John Candy.

Yankeeized ex-pats don't count.

[Aeson]

So you mean that Canadians are going to invade, take over, and then all become fat slobs themselves?

[Thoth]

So you mean that Canadians are going to invade, take over, and then all become fat slobs themselves?

Not quite.

Invade, set up camps and conduct genocide is the current plan.

[Egbert]

Not quite.

Invade, set up camps and conduct genocide is the current plan.

... and then become fat slobs.

[Asher]

It's how the Americans did it, anyway.

[Egbert]

It worked for them, now it will work for you when you invade. Soon you too will be a fat slob.

[Ming]

It's all a big lie anyway...

Cap'n Crunch Breathes Easier: Talk of His Demise Untrue
Quaker Oats Says Cereal Icon Is Staying Put Despite Scurrilous Rumors of Mutiny
By: E.J. Schultz Bio
No, Cap'n Crunch is not retiring, lost at sea or anything like it. He's here to stay, says Quaker Oats, responding to rumors that the PepsiCo unit was doing away with the sugary-cereal icon.

"Reports of Cap'n Crunch's demise are greatly exaggerated," Quaker said in a statement to Ad Age. "In fact, we just launched an official Facebook page for Cap'n Crunch. Now that our Cap'n Crunch brand is in the social-media space, our adult consumers can stay up to date on all things Cap'n Crunch."


Cap'n Crunch is here to stay, says Quaker. The rumors apparently started with this article on Daily Finance, which speculated that Quaker was easing the captain into retirement, pointing out that he does not appear on Quaker's main website. And along the choppy seas that is the internet, the story took on a life of its own. A Fox News blog cited the Daily Finance story under the headline "Food Police Kill Cap'n Crunch," playing off the original story's suggestion that pressure from the federal government -- including first lady Michelle Obama's anti-obesity campaign -- "may explain why the Cap'n is less visable than he was in years past."

So Americans can stay fat after all

[Felch]

Cap'n Crunch is the only authority figure I trust.