Tweet
Apply here.
Due to popularity of my racing postie bike that I sold about a year ago, I've decided to put up for auction this homemade race bike for adults and children alike. Someone has put a lot of effort (well, maybe some effort) into making this Deckson Deltek-style mini bike, this bike scares me and I want it out of my shop. I really don't like this bike, it makes me feel sick to look at it.
This bike cost me $3 from a garage sale, and it's probably the worst $3 I've ever spent.
This bike has terrible quality BMX handlebars that are bent, and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them.
The engine is a little zip-start two-stroke lawnmower engine, I'm not sure if it runs as I'm too scared to try it. I once heard a rumour that this engine doesn't actually have a crankshaft in the middle, located inside the cases is just a cow's head filled with anthrax. I also heard another rumour that the cow's head can shoot bees out of it's eyes, and that the bees can give you food poisoning. As I said, just a rumour, but I'm too scared to find out.
This bike is optimised for right-hand corners, as you can see the giant metal disc on the left-hand side would hit the ground when you lean the bike over in a corner. This bike might be good for right-turning speedway, but I don't like the idea of riding this bike at all, let alone fast enough to slide.
This bike is also extremely stupid as the footpegs are made out of 10mm steel bar, simply bent into a crude attempt at footpegs. I really don't like this bike.
The exhaust system looks like it was designed after an engineer spent too long looking at Tori Spelling's face.
It has no chain, and I wouldn't ever want to waste the money putting a chain on it. It also has no brakes, but that isn't a concern as the bike doesn't run anyway.
The carby may or may not have been sourced from Leatherface's saw once Texas Chainsaw Massacre had finished being filmed in 1974.
The bike has no seat, and it has a big looping seat rail that goes the whole way around, optimised for superman seat-grab variations. This is not the bike that Travis Pastrana won the X Games on, even though it looks like it.
The fuel tank is very little, and in a dangerously stupid position, right between your legs. Do not smoke ciggies, weld a TV stand or cook a barebecue while riding this bike.
It has twin shocks with no linkages, making the suspension the same as KTM suspension, but twice as good. The suspension unfortunately doesn't work as good as this theory implies.
The bike comes with a printed-out picture of Derryn Hinch's head on a lobster body.
This bike used to run on vampire tears, but due to legal battles with the producers of Twilight, has been converted to run on ordinary petrol.
I would highly recommend never riding this bike, even as a joke. It's interesting to look at, but I think I'd prefer to hit myself in the eyes with a golf club over riding this bike. This bike would be a dangerous, awkward and annoying bike to ride if you got it running, and your neighbours would throw oranges at you if you rode past on it. I would only recommend buying this bike if you enjoy oranges.
I accept PayPal, direct deposit, or pay on pickup/delivery. If you bid, I'd like you to pay within 48 hours. The sooner I get this bike out of my shop, the better.
Feel free to ask any questions, thankyou and happy bidding! You don't want this bike though. It sucks.
This bike cost me $3 from a garage sale, and it's probably the worst $3 I've ever spent.
This bike has terrible quality BMX handlebars that are bent, and I wouldn't trust them as far as I could throw them.
The engine is a little zip-start two-stroke lawnmower engine, I'm not sure if it runs as I'm too scared to try it. I once heard a rumour that this engine doesn't actually have a crankshaft in the middle, located inside the cases is just a cow's head filled with anthrax. I also heard another rumour that the cow's head can shoot bees out of it's eyes, and that the bees can give you food poisoning. As I said, just a rumour, but I'm too scared to find out.
This bike is optimised for right-hand corners, as you can see the giant metal disc on the left-hand side would hit the ground when you lean the bike over in a corner. This bike might be good for right-turning speedway, but I don't like the idea of riding this bike at all, let alone fast enough to slide.
This bike is also extremely stupid as the footpegs are made out of 10mm steel bar, simply bent into a crude attempt at footpegs. I really don't like this bike.
The exhaust system looks like it was designed after an engineer spent too long looking at Tori Spelling's face.
It has no chain, and I wouldn't ever want to waste the money putting a chain on it. It also has no brakes, but that isn't a concern as the bike doesn't run anyway.
The carby may or may not have been sourced from Leatherface's saw once Texas Chainsaw Massacre had finished being filmed in 1974.
The bike has no seat, and it has a big looping seat rail that goes the whole way around, optimised for superman seat-grab variations. This is not the bike that Travis Pastrana won the X Games on, even though it looks like it.
The fuel tank is very little, and in a dangerously stupid position, right between your legs. Do not smoke ciggies, weld a TV stand or cook a barebecue while riding this bike.
It has twin shocks with no linkages, making the suspension the same as KTM suspension, but twice as good. The suspension unfortunately doesn't work as good as this theory implies.
The bike comes with a printed-out picture of Derryn Hinch's head on a lobster body.
This bike used to run on vampire tears, but due to legal battles with the producers of Twilight, has been converted to run on ordinary petrol.
I would highly recommend never riding this bike, even as a joke. It's interesting to look at, but I think I'd prefer to hit myself in the eyes with a golf club over riding this bike. This bike would be a dangerous, awkward and annoying bike to ride if you got it running, and your neighbours would throw oranges at you if you rode past on it. I would only recommend buying this bike if you enjoy oranges.
I accept PayPal, direct deposit, or pay on pickup/delivery. If you bid, I'd like you to pay within 48 hours. The sooner I get this bike out of my shop, the better.
Feel free to ask any questions, thankyou and happy bidding! You don't want this bike though. It sucks.
Comment