Thread in which we ask the really hard science questions

[Riesstiu IV]

Well have you even tried?

[Richelieu]

Horse urine...oldschool

You're gonna have a lo of fun in Montreal. Stay on Ste-Catherine, East of St-Laurent.

[KrazyHorse]

Yeah, you would probably know it through your work

No.

[Al B. Sure!]

Well have you even tried?

There's a whole thread about this here. And about 13 threads over the years. The My Love Life Threads were very popular around here... just ask Bugs ****ing bunny

[Asher]

I don't remember those threads.

[Al B. Sure!]

You're not a real veteran, Asher. NOV 1999... pshh

[Asher]

Yeah, well, compare our penis size. I'm like 6.3x bigger

[Al B. Sure!]

You don't remember?

"Speer's love life Part XXVII- Philly Ferret Frottage" by Buggs ****ing Bunny (then Lazarus and the Gimp)?

[Riesstiu IV]

There's a whole thread about this here. And about 13 threads over the years. The My Love Life Threads were very popular around here... just ask Bugs ****ing bunny

Well there's your problem right there: making threads on Apolyton for advice and discussion on relationships.

[BlackCat]

No.

[Al B. Sure!]

I'm not going to post the thread that inspired our good friend Laz. But he came up with this: (yes, an early Panda reference... before Dale)

Speer's love life Part XXVII- Philly Ferret Frottage

I've decided that we really can't wait for the next gripping instalment of the saga that has held the world entranced for months, so we might as well write it ourselves. In case people aren't familiar with the plot, a brief summary is included. Some names have be changed, ommitted or added for a laugh.

Albert Speer is a young gentlemen from the States who values the good old-fashioned virtues of impeccable manners, morality, casual fascism and threatening people with knives. Albert loves Lee-Ann, and is himself loved by Lee-Ann's best friend, Ann-Lee. However, Ann-Lee used to be best friends with Lee-Lee before meeting Lee-Ann, and lost touch with Lee-Lee for several years. Lee-Lee recently moved back to Philly with her new boyfriend Bobby-Lee and was reunited with Ann-Lee and Lee-Ann. They started hanging out with Bobby-Lee's ex-girlfriend, Ann-Ann. Ann-Ann is a Giant Panda.

Lee-Lee suggested inviting round Lee-Bobby, Billy-Bob, Bob-Billy, Billy-Billy and Sue-Billy for a midnight barbecue. However, Ann-Bobby suspects that Billy-Lee and Lee-Ann skipped the Buffalo wings starter and went straight for the Bearded Clam Dip. Ann-Bobby confronted Lee-Bobby with her suspicions, but was informed that Billy-Lee in fact loves Bobby-Lee whilst pretending to be best friends with Bobby-Ann in order to win over Lee-Lee and Billy-Sue.

At this point, things started to get a little complicated. Billy-Billy, Bobby-Billy and Billy-Bob are all skaters, but are cruelly frustrated by the fact that the sidewalks of Philly haven't frozen over in months. The blades of their skates just scrape into the concrete and they have been immobilised since early March. Lee-Billy managed to get moving briefly last May, though the shower of sparks that flew from his skates sparked off a major fire in the trailer-park that burnt out the homes of Billy-Bob-Billy and Billy-Billy-Bob. It also destroyed the famous statue of the city's founder, "Philly" Billy-Billy-Bob.

Chronically depressed by this inadvertant act of municipal desecration, Lee-Billy turned to drugs in a big way. His skater cronies would have helped him, but were helpless until the next heavy frost. However, he later became entangled in a satanic plot with Billy-Lee, and was discovered in incriminating circumstances with Bob-Billy, Billy-Billy and a billy-goat. Lee-Ann was furious with Billy-Lee for failing to put a stop to the sacrifice, as well as his unrequited passion for Bobby-Lee, so she made another clam dip but shared it with Billy-Ann and Billy-Bob. She would have shared it with Ann-Ann as well, but Ann-Ann only eats tender young bamboo shoots.

Ann-Lee revealed all this to Lee-Lee, partly because she was concerned for Lee-Ann's health, but mainly because she thought it would be good for a laugh. However, Lee-Lee is only pretending to be friends with Ann-Lee and Lee-Ann in order to get into the pants of Bob-Billy. Bob-Billy, on the other hand, is ****ging both Ann-Bob and Lee-Bob. In order to arouse the passions of Ann-Bob, thus critically unbalancing the tri-sexual love triangle, Lee-Lee told Albert (remember him?) of the entire saga, yet crucially omitting the presence of Billy-Bob in the hope that Albie-Bert (as he shall henceforth be known) would use his reknowned diplomacy and courtly good manners to bring the entire cast neatly goose-stepping into a new era of order that would last a thousand years.

However, much to Lee-Lee's horror, Albie-Bert went completely ****ing ape****.


[At this point Laz & the G, who has turned a pale shade of blue, takes a deep, shuddering breath, and screams........]

SOMEONE TAKE IT FROM HERE!!!!!!!

[Al B. Sure!]

Also...

THE ALBERT SPEER POST GENERATOR!!! (beta version)

"[insert name here] loves [insert name here] , but [insert name here] has just broken up with [insert name here] and doesn't want to get heavily involved. However, [insert name here] is the best friend of [insert name here] and hangs out with [insert name here] all the time, usually accompanied by [insert name here] and [insert name here] .

[insert name here] revealed to [insert name here] that [insert name here] did [insert sexual act here] with [insert name here]. [insert name here] promised not to tell anyone, but later told [insert name here] . Unfortunately [insert name here] was only pretending to be best friends with [insert name here] in order to [insert sexual act here] with [insert name here]. [insert name here] naturally never suspected a thing, particularly seeing as [insert name here] was already [insert sexual act here] with [insert name here].

[insert name here] was getting annoyed with [insert name here] who had threatened to [insert act of violence here] [insert name here] if [insert name here] ever [insert sexual act] with [insert name here] again. In order to get back at [insert name here], [insert name here] [insert sexual act involving livestock here] with [insert name here] . [insert name here] understandably freaked out, particular as he already falsely suspected [insert name here] of [insert sexual act here] with [insert name here] , [insert name here] , [insert name here] and [insert name here] . [insert name here] followed them into town that night intending to [insert act of violence here] all of them. However [insert name here] was surrounded by [insert name here] , [insert name here] , [insert a reference to "skaters"here] and [insert name here] .

Thank you.

[Insert vaguely portentous, yet stupefyingly pompous quote here]"


Then all you need to do is make up a few names like "Eddie", "Shelly", "Joe" and "Mao". Add a few sexual references like "went to third base" (an expression utterly lost on an Englishman. Substitute "pulled off a spectacular sliding tackle" instead?), "gave head" or "performed a lengthy session of felching on a particularly reluctant badger", plus a few acts of violence like "threatened with a knife" or "lightly spanked in a firm, yet flirtatious manner", and you've got a story.

With a spot of basic HTML, we could turn it into a website, and the story of Albert's love life could run for years and years. Who's up for it?

[KrazyHorse]

Massive fail, sweetheart.

[Al B. Sure!]

I was reading the thread where those were posted and haha. I was such a douche and Asher and KH (then known as Frogger) were exactly the same. Funny how you two have not changed in 8 years.

[Richelieu]

I miss the Kitty avatar though