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If I Were President

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  • If I Were President

    Step 1: Foreign Policy

    First, I would end all foreign aid. A lot of it just props up dictators or helps them buy arms instead of what it's intended to do anyway. Not only that, but studies have shown that foreign aid hurts countries more than it helps since it doesn't encourage them to develop their own industries and economies. Of course, we'll be called the evil empire, greedy, fat, mean spirited, imperialistic, capitalist scum, etc. In other words, we'll simply be maintaining the status quo in that regard. Besides, who cares what Europe thinks.

    Then, I'd take all that money (50 billion or so I think) and ALL of it would be invested in developing light rail, renewable sources of energy, etc. It would be treated like a national cause, much the same way that going to the moon was a national cause. While we're doing this, I'd send all the environmentalists on vacations to undisclosed locations so we can get our own oil while transition to a completely oil free economy.

    While I'm at it, I'll completely with hold all money from the UN, and since the US pretty much funds the whole damn thing, that means the UN will cease to exist. I'll take all that money being wasted on the most corrupt, inefficient, and ineffective organization the world has ever seen and put it towards the aforementioned goal. I will however keep the UN climate panel. They will appear on NBC as a new comedy act at 12:37AM as they talk about global warming and the coming end of the world.

    Now that we're off of oil and we have some shiny new infrastructure, I'll go ahead and tell the Arabs they can eat their sand and oil. The arab world has only three things to offer the world: Islam, terrorism, and oil. All of which are detrimental to society.

    I'll use propaganda to further turn public opinion against Muslims. Want to wear your head scarves? Think it's cool to tell everyone they can't make fun of the Koran or do anything that might offend you? Think you can go into everyone's country and start your cultural colonization? Think again. Here's a couple of plane tickets back to Saudi Arabia. Have fun eating sand and oil.

    On the issue of war, war will be waged as war once again. The idea of "spreading democracy" will no longer exist. The US will no longer move into a country and then attempt to establish a new government. If we are attacked, we will simply level the populace. If you don't like this, don't attack us. If you don't like your government, we will support your revolt by destroying tanks and military facilities. All ground fighting will be done by your own hands, however, and we will not be putting soldiers on the ground. So you can either die for your country and establish a government you want with our assistance, or you can continue living with what you have.

    All citizens of countries listed as threats will be deemed ineligible for entry into the US. That just happens to be virtually every Muslim country. Thus, the terrorism problem is solved! No more spreading democracy, no more oil, no more having to waste money.

    Now about this southern border issue. I like big business, but not when it breaks the law. Illegally employing illegal immigrants to save money is against the law and it takes jobs from current American citizens. Don't give me this bull**** that nobody wants the jobs they're taking. We have laws in this country, end of story. So pack your bags La Raza and all the other subversive Mexican entities attempting to colonize the US.

    NATO...why do we need it? We pretty much are NATO by ourselves lets face it. Since Russia is a dog with a big bark but no bite, and since I just solved the whole arab thing so we don't need to deploy into those countries anymore...why again do we have bases in Europe? Lets pull out and let Europe build it's own military for once. We'll take all the money we save and use it to pay down the national debt.

    China...yes China. If there is one thing I hate it's technology stealing. I didn't tolerate it in Civ2 and I'm not going to tolerate it now that I'm president of the United States. CIA, I'm your biggest fan. Your budget just quadrupled, and don't worry about all those rules and bureaucracy you've been having to **** with. Just go out and do your job James Bond style.

    So to sum it up, no more bases where we don't need them, no more oil, no more UN, no more feel good lets spread the democracy love occupations, no more foreign aid being wasted, no more having to deal with terrorism, no more Chinese espionage. I'll tackle the Chinese trade surplus when I talk about my economic policy.

    Now go out and vote for me.

  • #2
    I'd vote for you, if only for the entertainment factor.
    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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    • #3
      He's Japanese, hates China, and supports genocide. What could go wrong?
      “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
      "Capitalism ho!"

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      • #4
        I'm not Japanese.

        Comment


        • #5
          You are Japanese if you please.
          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

          Comment


          • #6
            You are Japanese if you don't please.
            "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
            Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

            Comment


            • #7
              Originally posted by Warui View Post
              I'm not Japanese.
              We make you into whatever we want you to be.
              A lot of Republicans are not racist, but a lot of racists are Republican.

              Comment


              • #8
                Only people who have been on this site longer than me can do that.

                Comment


                • #9
                  Originally posted by MrFun View Post
                  We make you into whatever we want you to be.
                  True, I don't know how long I was Japanese. What is Drake now? Arab?
                  “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
                  "Capitalism ho!"

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                  • #10
                    What is Drake now?



                    French-Canadian.
                    KH FOR OWNER!
                    ASHER FOR CEO!!
                    GUYNEMER FOR OT MOD!!!

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      I'm sorry.
                      “As a lifelong member of the Columbia Business School community, I adhere to the principles of truth, integrity, and respect. I will not lie, cheat, steal, or tolerate those who do.”
                      "Capitalism ho!"

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        I know exactly who it is.
                        Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
                        "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
                        He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

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                        • #13
                          I literally agreed with everything I read in that post. Word for ****ing word.

                          Except maybe the part about the illegal immigrants, but since they're both poor and a minority, I can be flexible on that. Top marks for conducting war by leveling other countries, and by making radical Muslims (or really just Muslims) eat sand.
                          Follow me on Twitter: http://twitter.com/DaveDaDouche
                          Read my seldom updated blog where I talk to myself: http://davedadouche.blogspot.com/

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                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Warui View Post
                            I'm not Japanese.
                            Oh, great. An otaku for president.
                            I'm consitently stupid- Japher
                            I think that opinion in the United States is decidedly different from the rest of the world because we have a free press -- by free, I mean a virgorously presented right wing point of view on the air and available to all.- Ned

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by SlowwHand View Post
                              I know exactly who it is.
                              Considering I've identified him in two threads already, I hope so.
                              Captain of Team Apolyton - ISDG 2012

                              When I was younger I thought curfews were silly, but now as the daughter of a young woman, I appreciate them. - Rah

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