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  • #1

    Ethics dilemma

    If only I had studied philosophy. I have a moral quandary.

    My SO's best friend's friend killed himself the other day. He operated in a different socially circle than my SO and they'd only met a couple times (most recently a month ago when he came by the condo to play some video games, and drank some of my scotch [I'm still bitter about that, actually]). The SO and his best friend went to school with him for 1 year in engineering before he transferred to compsci. The SO's best friend still hung out with him, etc but not my SO.

    So anyway, now the guy is dead. Drama, etc. My SO's best friend is going, of course, and so is my SO (mostly to support his best friend, who isn't taking it well). I was told today via facebook, by my SO's best friend, that I am "expected to be at the funeral also". I'm kinda done with funerals for a while (buried two grandparents within the past few months) and I didn't even know this guy, and more importantly it's 10am on a Sunday (and I don't get up til 1 or so).

    First of all, is it wrong for me to feel pissed off that my SO's best friend "expects" me to be at a funeral for a guy I've never even met? (this is why I avoid female friends, FWIW)

    Second of all, how do I tell her to **** off without causing her to jump off a building? She's in rough shape. Should I just not go and hope she doesn't notice?
    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "
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  • #2
    1. No, it's not wrong to feel pissed off.
    2. The path of least resistance is to suck it up and go to the funeral. A few unpleasant hours and it's over and you don't have to deal with it ever again. Don't go, you'll have the potential headaches of your SO's best friend *****ing about it, your SO being pissed at you for not supporting his friend, etc.

    EDIT: I don't see this as a moral quandary in the slightest. It's neither moral nor immoral to attend a funeral...
    Tutto nel mondo è burla

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    • #3
      what boris said. you could always show up, express your condolences and show support and skate early, citing some kind of excuse. talk to your SO and see where he's at with this.
      I wasn't born with enough middle fingers.
      [Brandon Roderick? You mean Brock's Toadie?][Hanged from Yggdrasil]

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      • #4
        I'll add that if your SO is okay with you skipping it and doesn't care what his best friend thinks, that's another matter. Then you can just not go, and see if your SO is willing to conspire on an excuse as to your not being there.
        Tutto nel mondo è burla

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        • #5
          Your SO may well appreciate your presence for some emotional support. Seeing a best friend distraught is tough.
          The genesis of the "evil Finn" concept- Evil, evil Finland

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          • #6
            Originally posted by Bugs ****ing Bunny View Post
            Your SO may well appreciate your presence for some emotional support. Seeing a best friend distraught is tough.
            Christ. Well who do I bring to support me? How far does this chain go?

            Human beings are weird.
            "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
            Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

            Comment

            • #7
              Originally posted by Boris Godunov View Post
              1. No, it's not wrong to feel pissed off.
              2. The path of least resistance is to suck it up and go to the funeral. A few unpleasant hours and it's over and you don't have to deal with it ever again. Don't go, you'll have the potential headaches of your SO's best friend *****ing about it, your SO being pissed at you for not supporting his friend, etc.
              My SO isn't upset himself over this, he's more worried that my not going will anger his friend. To be honest, I'm not at all close with his best friend (they knew eachother mostly in Waterloo while I lived in Toronto or Calgary, as a result I only met her a handful of times also).

              My SO is now telling me not to worry about it. I think I'm in some trap now.

              EDIT: I don't see this as a moral quandary in the slightest. It's neither moral nor immoral to attend a funeral...
              I didn't study philosophy...so I didn't know.

              I realize the path of least resistance is just to go. But frankly I think I'm just going to be an ******* and not go. If there's no morally right thing to do, I'm in the clear.
              "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
              Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Asher View Post
                My SO is now telling me not to worry about it. I think I'm in some trap now.
                Is your SO not the type to be able to give a straight up YES/NO answer if you were to ask him point-blank, "Do you want me to go with you?"

                I realize the path of least resistance is just to go. But frankly I think I'm just going to be an ******* and not go. If there's no morally right thing to do, I'm in the clear.
                That may be little comfort if you have to endure the wrath of your SO's best friend (and maybe his if he's not being forthright) by not going.

                And maybe by going you'll score some brownie points and get some extra-special sex out of it?
                Tutto nel mondo è burla

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                • #9
                  Originally posted by Boris Godunov View Post
                  Is your SO not the type to be able to give a straight up YES/NO answer if you were to ask him point-blank, "Do you want me to go with you?"
                  He used to but recently he's become a bit flakey in that respect. He's in some depression right how himself over still not having a job and he'll tell me one thing and mean another. I need to be on my toes.

                  That may be little comfort if you have to endure the wrath of your SO's best friend (and maybe his if he's not being forthright) by not going.

                  And maybe by going you'll score some brownie points and get some extra-special sex out of it?
                  Yes, I think that's likely. "Hey, wasn't that a FABULOUS funeral? Let's shag, baby"
                  "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                  Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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                  • #10
                    I just asked the SO if I was in a trap and he'll be mad at me for not going.

                    Now he's "ordering" me not to go. I'm still not convinced this isn't a trap.
                    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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                    • #11
                      I don't even want to go, why the hell should you have to also :S


                      Victory. It was no trap.

                      Cancel the ethics dilemma. All is well.

                      New ethics dilemma: Is it bad that I wanna know how the guy did it?
                      "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                      Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

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                      • #12
                        Yeah that sounds like "I'll be pissed at you for not going, but I'm not going to tell you that."

                        Your SO is acting like a woman.

                        Yes, I think that's likely. "Hey, wasn't that a FABULOUS funeral? Let's shag, baby"
                        This may be much more common than you realize...
                        Tutto nel mondo è burla

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                        • #13
                          Don't go.

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                          • #14
                            Oh, I'm too late.

                            Still, nice to know I was right.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Asher View Post
                              Is it bad that I wanna know how the guy did it?
                              No, just curiosity.

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