Jay Leno sucks

[Asher]

Conan will quit the Tonight Show if they push him to 12:05

http://mediadecoder.blogs.nytimes.com/2010/01/12/conan-obrien-says-he-wont-do-tonight-show-following-leno/

[Drake Tungsten]

Smart move by Conan. He has less leverage than Leno does, but he's using it wisely so far.

[Asher]

I think he gets 80 million bucks because of this.

[Boris Godunov]

At least Conan is using the issue to have some fun. From his Monday night show:

Good evening. I'm Conan O'Brien, the new host of "Last Call with Carson Daly."

This weekend no one was seriously hurt, but a 6.5 earthquake hit California. The earthquake was so powerful that it knocked Jay Leno's show from 10 o'clock to 11:35.

Everybody now wants to know what my plans are. All I can say is that I plan to continue putting on a great show night after night- while stealing as many office supplies as humanly possible.

On the positive side, I have learned a valuable lesson from all this: never sign a contract that ends with the word "NOT."

NBC announced that they expect to lose $200 million on the Winter Olympics next month. Is it just me or is that story hilarious?

[And then later in the monologue....]

As I mentioned, NBC is shaking up its late night lineup yet again. They want to move Jay Leno back to 11:35. And there are a lot of rumors about what I'm going to do.

I've got a lot of options. I thought I'd share some of them with you right now..

I could...

-Host the Tonight Show at 12:05

-Star in a Lifetime original movie about a woman trapped in an abusive relationship with her network.

-Go to ABC and star in a male redhead version of 'Cougartown' called 'Redwolf Village'.

-Host a show on B.E.T. called 'White All Night'.

-Move to FOX and follow their hit "24" with a new show called "24:05."

-Televise my own colonoscopy on the Bravo Channel in a show called 'Project Funway'.

-Convince NBC to let me keep this time slot if I can gain 10 pounds of chin.

-Andy and I will become a team of wacky morning DJ's called 'Big Red And The Booger'.

-Pretend to put my son in a giant foil balloon, then sit back and watch the offers come pouring in!

-Perform the show live every night from Zanies Comedy Club at 7:30 and 9:30. (1/2 price drinks if you tell 'em "Coco" sent ya!)

-Bring sanity back to NBC by hiring Gary Busey as head of programming.

-Leave television altogether and work in a classier business with better people, like hard core porn.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Letterman had some fun with this as well (as you might have expected), starting off by saying "Once again, I did not get the Tonight Show". And was fairly viscious to Leno (as well as doing a very funny Leno impersonation of him working on his car), while feeling bad for Conan, which seems obvious as Letterman and Conan are fairly friendly.

Here was the Top Ten List last night:

Top Ten Signs There's Trouble At NBC

10.Lineup has more holes than the Green Bay Packers defense

9.Winner on "Deal Or No Deal" gets to run the network for a week

8.NBC peacock crashed his car and beaten with a golf club

7.NBC Christmas party is a week from Thursday

6.Tina Fey is having a hard time making fictional network executives dumber than the real ones

5.Replacing "Biggest Loser" with a show about people whose weight fluctuates but is still within an acceptable range

4.NBC president seen wandering halls shouting, "Is 'Night Court' still on?"

3.Promise they'll have this figured out by the 2014 Olympics

2.Just gave 10pm show to Snooki

1.It's so bad, they've even considereded me

[Darius871]

At least Conan is using the issue to have some fun. From his Monday night show:

Video with more stuff:

[Guynemer]

Jay Leno is the Brett Favre of late night television.

Except he was never that good.

[Drake Tungsten]

Brett Favre will get you to the playoffs, and Leno will get you to #1 spot at 11:30.

[Asher]

11:35. Leno was never good enough for the 11:30 slot, which is reserved exclusively for high school sports.