Phobias

[SlowwHand]

Actually. drowning is supposed to be peaceful.

[Theben]

I wouldn't like the lead-in.

[Wezil]

Do you swim?

[SlowwHand]

My, how timely.

Office woman #1, listening to police scanner: Why are all those stupid people out in the rain?
Office woman #2: I understand that when it's time to leave work, you want to leave.
Office guy: I would rather drown than spend another hour here at work than I have to.

[tomjacob]

Hey all, I am new to the forums but have what I consider just a bad bout of shyness. I have since the age of 5 held 8 incredibly good friends, 5 of which I am still in consistant contact with to this day (I am entering freshman year of college). To sum me up, in high school from what people told me and from my observation I was observed as mildly quiet, but when I spoke it was something quirky, knowledgeable, or humorous. I never had feuds or never got bullied or bad remarks from anyone in high school either, but at school beyond some close friendships, interaction ended there. I am almsot always very shy around new people and can almost never be my quirky self past the ssmall talk section. I freeze up and never feel like I have much to say. It is even worse with girls. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, although girls have invitted me to parties or events and I have been kissed. I almost never attended parties or sporting events(I love sports). One of my big hobbies is online gaming, as it is with my friends as well. I guess this might contribute to my social shyness, but my good friend games more than me and has had a girlfriend for 3 years and is incredibly outgoing, funny because I'm exactly the opposite. I fear I might do something awkward and be judged, etc.

P.S. Another interesting thing to note is that online such as playing games like World of Warcraft I "virtually interact" with numerous people online. I use voice chat microphone system with players I meet in game as well, so I AM talking to them as if on the phone, but I obviouslly do not know them in real life. In these games I am very willing to talk, and have no problem witholding my true self...I guess my avatar of the game could be a block to myself, but when truly talking online to real people over voice chat services, conversation often leaves the boundaries of video games into real life. In those situations I am perfectly fine as well.

Looking for advice and just gave all that gaming info to see if there is a correlation.

[SlowwHand]

Yeah.

[Wezil]

Hey all, I am new to the forums but have what I consider just a bad bout of shyness...

Social phobia.

You found the right thread.

[Lancer]

tomjacob, why not interact socially with a filipina (a girl your age from the Philippines) through email or chat? You don't ever have to come here and meet the girl so there's no fear. If you wanted to though you could. Its not wasting her time because the girl I know would like to chat with Americans for the experience since she would like to meet and marry a foreigner someday. She is young though as you are and in no rush. You could give that experience and she would be very happy with that, or you could take it further by visiting if you wanted to. Anyway one of my wife's cousins is the girl, so PM me if you want to chat with her.

She is also very shy.

[Wezil]

[Lancer]

Wezil, you are the first and not nasty like the opinions likely to follow. Some things are just part of life.

[Wezil]

Wezil, you are the first and not nasty like the opinions likely to follow. Some things are just part of life.

I like you Lancer. I think you know that.

That said, the whole Philippino correspondence thing is creepy.

[Lancer]

Its rather simple actually. Many girls here want to meet foreigners so they ask my wife to help them find a penpal. She then asks me, and I ask around like I'm doing now. The guys are often lonely, American women aren't always so nice or they want the hunk football player types so American guys want to meet filipinas. Easy right? But even the guys that are lonely have the attitude that you mentioned. I had it too, but finally I gave in after bad US relationships and eventually came here and found out just how good life can be. Big drama right? Still, that's what happened. So I help people.

Or they heard something bad about filipinas from a navy or air force guy that married a hooker from Manila. Well duh. Our family is in the provinces, not Manila.

Some you can lead to water but its just not meant to be. They prefer their bias and their lonely lives. I find it a bit frustrating but I understand it Wezil.

[Asher]

tomjacob, why not interact socially with a filipina (a girl your age from the Philippines) through email or chat? You don't ever have to come here and meet the girl so there's no fear. If you wanted to though you could. Its not wasting her time because the girl I know would like to chat with Americans for the experience since she would like to meet and marry a foreigner someday. She is young though as you are and in no rush. You could give that experience and she would be very happy with that, or you could take it further by visiting if you wanted to. Anyway one of my wife's cousins is the girl, so PM me if you want to chat with her.

She is also very shy.

Jesus Christ.

[Jon Miller]

Hey all, I am new to the forums but have what I consider just a bad bout of shyness. I have since the age of 5 held 8 incredibly good friends, 5 of which I am still in consistant contact with to this day (I am entering freshman year of college). To sum me up, in high school from what people told me and from my observation I was observed as mildly quiet, but when I spoke it was something quirky, knowledgeable, or humorous. I never had feuds or never got bullied or bad remarks from anyone in high school either, but at school beyond some close friendships, interaction ended there. I am almsot always very shy around new people and can almost never be my quirky self past the ssmall talk section. I freeze up and never feel like I have much to say. It is even worse with girls. I have never had a girlfriend and am a virgin, although girls have invitted me to parties or events and I have been kissed. I almost never attended parties or sporting events(I love sports). One of my big hobbies is online gaming, as it is with my friends as well. I guess this might contribute to my social shyness, but my good friend games more than me and has had a girlfriend for 3 years and is incredibly outgoing, funny because I'm exactly the opposite. I fear I might do something awkward and be judged, etc.

P.S. Another interesting thing to note is that online such as playing games like World of Warcraft I "virtually interact" with numerous people online. I use voice chat microphone system with players I meet in game as well, so I AM talking to them as if on the phone, but I obviouslly do not know them in real life. In these games I am very willing to talk, and have no problem witholding my true self...I guess my avatar of the game could be a block to myself, but when truly talking online to real people over voice chat services, conversation often leaves the boundaries of video games into real life. In those situations I am perfectly fine as well.

Looking for advice and just gave all that gaming info to see if there is a correlation.

Be positive. Getting all negative or emo is the way to become unattractive to be around.

Honestly, I would say that I didn't even have many good friends in highschool, and mostly kept to myself and didn't spend much time with others (I didn't like sports though). I spent my time playing games, watching TV, reading, and hanging out with my siblings.

My first year of college I didn't really make friends, and would even classify myself as anti-social.

Gradually I made friends over college. I ended up with some good friends by the end. I had about 3 girls, in retrospect, be interested in me in this time. I didn't really realize it, although I sort of did on the last one. I asked out one girl (my senior year of college) and stuttered/etc, normally I only do that on formal presentations. Anyways. at the end of college, I had never kissed a girl.

In graduate school I picked up friends faster. I drank heavily for a year/two and partied a lot (which wasn't really healthy, in retrospect). I became less and than more religious. I did kiss girls, and also turned down girls who seemed to want to have sex (did that in college to), but never had a relationship. I did spend many months being interested in a girl who wasn't interested in me though.

About half way through graduate school I moved to a lab. At the lab, people moved often. I found myself having to make new friends every year or so. Which I did. I realized that people were wanting to be friends (maybe not everyone, lots of people had their own lives/etc), and it was just up to me to say "hey, lets go do this". If nothing else works, saying "lets get lunch" or "lets go for drinks" worked most of the time.

I am no longer worried about friends, or even about a relationship (although I still haven't had one).

You aren't weird, there is nothing wrong with you. Be positive. Don't expect people to reach out to you, reach out to them. People are waiting, they are lonely. After facing the awkwardness (and it is awkward and uncomfortable and would be miserable if you have a bad attitude about it), than you get comfortable and it isn't unpleasant and you have friends.

And honestly, I don't have the time or energy to make new friends if I have 5-8 good ones. So be thankful for what you have!

JM

[germanos]

I seem to be developing a fear of heights. They never used to bother me when I was younger, and I'm still not terrified, but I find myself increasingly apprehensive about looking over a really high ledge.

Same here. And I know most of my friends have the same.

Must be the 'older and wiser' thingy .