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Lancer's 'A Christmas Story'
When I was in the army a Russian SAM took out Santa and the sleigh and there wasn't much left of the reindeer worth eating. Came down on the west side of the 'wall' that divided West and East Germany, right in my sector of patrol. We did what we could but Santa was already gone, the damn commies killed him with their damn commie missile. Guts, blood, and toys everywhere. Our efforts were on the reindeer which were torn up too but we got some good steaks out of Blitzen and a shoulder roast off the one with the red nose. We could even work by the glow of that red nose until it too faded and died. Iirc that one's name was Frosty, but I'm not sure. There were names engraved on cute little collars but they were covered in blood and goo.
Anyway my point is that since the mid 70s its all been a cover up. The Superpowers working together for once and using lasers to create Santa holo images on clouds all under the cover of Reagan's supposed missile shield (no wonder it was so expensive) and the Reds anti satellite lasers. They accounted for all the sightings after that fateful, gruesome, Christmas eve. Leaders in East and West knew that if it got out that Santa was lost (slaughtered) over the border that the alliances on both sides might fall apart in disgust and they would lose their power and that is one thing the powerful can never abide. So Santa was buried right there in a shallow grave in no mans land. But...the West hung together once word did finally leak out almost 20 years later mainly because it was a Russian missile that did the nasty thing to old Saint Nick. So, no more Russian Empire, no more Warsaw Pact. Only the heads of state knew in the end, they said the kids (and their families) didn't have a need to know. Typical. Me, I think they were paid off by a consortium of capitalists only too eager to take over from Santa...at a price. If everyone knew Santa was dead nobody would get a cut, and think of all the jobs that would be created, they were doing everyone a favor! That's how they think, the rich. Soon after the Santa body doubles started showing up in malls. No coincidence that. You could always tell because the 'gifts' weren't free anymore. Well if they aren't free they aren't gifts, right? But the greedy bastards pulled it off anyway.
That cold, snowy, Christmas night in Germany back in the mid 70s I was with my company and the damn supply had broken down again. I recall thinking '****, I wish Santa would bring me a ****in steak' when there was a bright light in the sky and then several seconds later the sound of the explosion. I always thought it interesting how the speed of light and the speed of sound put a few seconds between the two. Both were faster than the speed of Santa and the rest of the wretched mess plunging from the sky which arrived in our midst like the wrath of gawd a few seconds later. Light, (couple of secs) explosion sound, (couple of secs) Santa, splat. Kind of fun when you think about it. I mean, you know, they all started at the same place, same time. Physics, I'm into that stuff.
So as it turns out I, Lancer, am the last one to ever receive a present from Santa, the real Santa, a nice juicy reindeer steak. I think that ought to mean something to somebody.
These stories are supposed to end on an upbeat note, Christmas coming and all, so I'll give it a whirl. Kind of tough though, all things considered. No matter if the commies murdered Santa, or the capitalists ripped us off, they only did what they could be counted upon to do. Christmas Is a time of family and for those who carried the ball after Santa fell, its a time of giving. So whether you're a little child toddling out of a warm bedroom on Christmas morn to find the glowing tree swathed in gifts or a cold and hungry soldier in the field wishing someone would think of him, Christmas is what we make it, and if you are forgotten then when it comes your turn, remember the forgotten. Other than that, I don't know. Keep your head down. Anyway, Merry Christmas, one and all.
,
Lancer
The End
When I was in the army a Russian SAM took out Santa and the sleigh and there wasn't much left of the reindeer worth eating. Came down on the west side of the 'wall' that divided West and East Germany, right in my sector of patrol. We did what we could but Santa was already gone, the damn commies killed him with their damn commie missile. Guts, blood, and toys everywhere. Our efforts were on the reindeer which were torn up too but we got some good steaks out of Blitzen and a shoulder roast off the one with the red nose. We could even work by the glow of that red nose until it too faded and died. Iirc that one's name was Frosty, but I'm not sure. There were names engraved on cute little collars but they were covered in blood and goo.
Anyway my point is that since the mid 70s its all been a cover up. The Superpowers working together for once and using lasers to create Santa holo images on clouds all under the cover of Reagan's supposed missile shield (no wonder it was so expensive) and the Reds anti satellite lasers. They accounted for all the sightings after that fateful, gruesome, Christmas eve. Leaders in East and West knew that if it got out that Santa was lost (slaughtered) over the border that the alliances on both sides might fall apart in disgust and they would lose their power and that is one thing the powerful can never abide. So Santa was buried right there in a shallow grave in no mans land. But...the West hung together once word did finally leak out almost 20 years later mainly because it was a Russian missile that did the nasty thing to old Saint Nick. So, no more Russian Empire, no more Warsaw Pact. Only the heads of state knew in the end, they said the kids (and their families) didn't have a need to know. Typical. Me, I think they were paid off by a consortium of capitalists only too eager to take over from Santa...at a price. If everyone knew Santa was dead nobody would get a cut, and think of all the jobs that would be created, they were doing everyone a favor! That's how they think, the rich. Soon after the Santa body doubles started showing up in malls. No coincidence that. You could always tell because the 'gifts' weren't free anymore. Well if they aren't free they aren't gifts, right? But the greedy bastards pulled it off anyway.
That cold, snowy, Christmas night in Germany back in the mid 70s I was with my company and the damn supply had broken down again. I recall thinking '****, I wish Santa would bring me a ****in steak' when there was a bright light in the sky and then several seconds later the sound of the explosion. I always thought it interesting how the speed of light and the speed of sound put a few seconds between the two. Both were faster than the speed of Santa and the rest of the wretched mess plunging from the sky which arrived in our midst like the wrath of gawd a few seconds later. Light, (couple of secs) explosion sound, (couple of secs) Santa, splat. Kind of fun when you think about it. I mean, you know, they all started at the same place, same time. Physics, I'm into that stuff.
So as it turns out I, Lancer, am the last one to ever receive a present from Santa, the real Santa, a nice juicy reindeer steak. I think that ought to mean something to somebody.
These stories are supposed to end on an upbeat note, Christmas coming and all, so I'll give it a whirl. Kind of tough though, all things considered. No matter if the commies murdered Santa, or the capitalists ripped us off, they only did what they could be counted upon to do. Christmas Is a time of family and for those who carried the ball after Santa fell, its a time of giving. So whether you're a little child toddling out of a warm bedroom on Christmas morn to find the glowing tree swathed in gifts or a cold and hungry soldier in the field wishing someone would think of him, Christmas is what we make it, and if you are forgotten then when it comes your turn, remember the forgotten. Other than that, I don't know. Keep your head down. Anyway, Merry Christmas, one and all.
,Lancer
The End
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