A thread for married people

[bumfister]

Yep, sleeping with other women is great for a marriage. NOT! Even if she consents now these things have a way of awaking emotions and ending relationships/marriages. This will not end well.

[Elok]

Are you sure you didn't really find a man instead, Elok

Pretty sure. Some men have boobs, but all those nooks and crannies down there are almost certainly not any sort of penis. I have not ruled out the possibility that I am making love to a big, fleshy, self-aware English muffin, but the muffin is female and that's what matters.

[Elok]

Yep, sleeping with other women is great for a marriage. NOT! Even if she consents now these things have a way of awaking emotions and ending relationships/marriages. This will not end well.

I think the idea is that the wife screws the girlfriend too. Or something. But yeah, I think that's just a whole new way to complicate things.

[Blaupanzer]

my wife and i are looking for a live-in girlfriend, so we can still get some sexing in if the other isn't in the mood.

Be careful what you wish for. The complications rise exponentially, the sex only marginally.

[Heraclitus]

Find a woman who thinks more or less like a man (ie, rationally). It's what I did.

How does one go about finding a woman who thinks more or less like a man? Did you just play a numbers game or did you use some devious heuristic?

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Just keep apologising. Doesn't matter if you don't know what for, or if there's no sign of anything being wrong. Apologise anyway.

[Heraclitus]

Be careful what you wish for. The complications rise exponentially, the sex only marginally.

I don't know soft poligamy seems to be more and more accepted... I think it could probably be stable as long as there is a single man and multiple women (such arrangements have proven to be stable in non-western societies). I think men have a harder time emotionally accepting their wife is screwing someone else as well (evolutionary this makes perfect sense), and even if he does I expect that on some level the women looses attraction for him.

[rah]

Just keep apologising. Doesn't matter if you don't know what for, or if there's no sign of anything being wrong. Apologise anyway.

Yeah, at my wedding ceremony I remember that instead of saying "I do" I said, "I did it", and then promptly apologized. Married over 22 years now.

[Drake Tungsten]

The skill is not having a relationship without not talking, the premise is wrong.

The skill you need is how to spot when the conversation you aren't paying attention to (because the TV is showing colourful moving pictures and making interesting noises) moves to something where you need to actively participate to prevent disaster. So you need to sort of half listen and become concious when certain key phrases appear.

It was clear from context in the other thread that "talking" meant deep discussions about thoughts, feelings and opinions that might reveal that your girlfriend is a Nazi. There's no need for those kinds of conversations in a relationship. I completely agree that other types of conversations must be engaged in to fool your partner into thinking you actually care about what she has to say and that recognizing when you must say something is also a vital skill.

[Heraclitus]

It was clear from context in the other thread that "talking" meant deep discussions about thoughts, feelings and opinions that might reveal that your girlfriend is a Nazi. There's no need for those kinds of conversations in a relationship. I completely agree that other types of conversations must be engaged in to fool your partner into thinking you actually care about what she has to say and that recognizing when you must say something is also a vital skill.

So our policy on nazi gf's is don't ask don't tell?

[Drake Tungsten]

No, the policy is "don't ask, don't tell" in any relationship. There's any number of things you probably don't want to know.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

So our policy on nazi gf's is don't ask don't tell?

As far as you're concerned, we just want you rushing into the least suitable match imaginable so that we can roundly mock your growing despair.

[Asher]

The skill is not having a relationship without not talking, the premise is wrong.

The skill you need is how to spot when the conversation you aren't paying attention to (because the TV is showing colourful moving pictures and making interesting noises) moves to something where you need to actively participate to prevent disaster. So you need to sort of half listen and become concious when certain key phrases appear.

Relationships 101

I think the younger generation (of which I am part of, not YOU ) is blessed as we are natural multitaskers to a degree never before seen. So when the SO is talking about something I'm not very interested in at all I can pay attention to the show I'm watching, posting at Poly, and still interjecting random comments to the conversation at the same time. It's really quite a sight to see.

[Bugs ****ing Bunny]

Crucially, you don't have to try that with a woman.

[self biased]

Be careful what you wish for. The complications rise exponentially, the sex only marginally.

evidence suggests otherwise, provided both people are wholly honest and forthright with each other.