I May Be Going Down For At Least One Felony

[Wiglaf]

A friend of mine in the Department of Justice wants to charge me essentially because she is jealous that I did not include her in a gambling league I established where we basically bet on votes (i.e. the final vote on a congressional bill). Now I know that she wouldn't be telling me this unless she really just wanted into the league, so should I offer her a spot in it? Or could this be a trap, where she is bluffing and wants to tape record me inviting her to the league?

I am trying to think of ways to either make sure she is not wearing a wire when we talk, or ways to make sure I speak in code that cannot get me convicted. Is there an iPhone app or a commercially available magnet that can disrupt recording devices like the one she will probably have in her bra? I'd have sex with her but she has put on too many pounds for this to be feasible and I mean that literally.

[duke o' york]

Set up a fantasy football league and then invite her to join your league. If she is trying to trap you then you can just show your fantasy league and get off. They're not illegal are they?

[Wiglaf]

But she seems to know the nature of the league. Like I won big on the cap and trade bill a while back and I told basically everyone. I might have told her or even slept with her at the time. I was really ecstatic. But now things have changed. And she is fatter.

[bumfister]

Wiglaf needs to stop trolling and actually do it.

[-Jrabbit]

Obviously it's a trap. And Flash-based digital recording devices are not sensitive to magnets. RF transmitters (incl cell phones) can be jammed, but there's no subtle way to do this that I'm aware of.

I'm thinking a dirty bomb is the way to go.

[duke o' york]

No, no. Polonium-210 is the way to go here.

[Asher]

You just got yourself flagged by the NSA, Jrabbit.

[Imran Siddiqui]

I think you'll be going down at least more than once if you doing time for a felony.

[Cort Haus]

Who needs enemies when you have 'friends' like Wiglaf's?

[MRT144]

We can only hope.

[-Jrabbit]

You just got yourself flagged by the NSA, Jrabbit.

Sa-weet! Maybe they'll put me on the no-fly watch list.

A man can dream...

[Japher]

Just ask her straight out if she wants in. If she goes "aha, gotcha" then pull a Michael Scott and go around and ask if people want to join your other weird gambling leagues which obviously don't exist, tell people Pam is pregnant, and that the black dude is cheating on his wife... that way no one will believe you.

[duke o' york]

Sa-weet! Maybe they'll put me on the no-fly watch list.

A man can dream...

Isn't your airport Burke and Hare? You can put yourself on the no-fly list by just turning up and after waiting a day for a flight that still doesn't look like leaving you go home.

[duke o' york]

Is there an iPhone app or a commercially available magnet that can disrupt recording devices like the one she will probably have in her bra?

I've got a recording device in my pants, but the spelling is terrible, and the writing impossible to read.

[Thoth]

Sodomize her. Then ask if she wants "in". If she says yes, sodomize her again.

Then ask about her possible involvement with the FBI, claiming you want her to handcuff you to the bed while she pegs you with a 24" strap on.

Then give her your credit card.

This always works.