Mixing work and personal relationships.

[onodera]

We need more regular threads instead of the community split-based ones, so I figured I'd start one.

I'm currently dating a girl who works in the same section I do. This is all very cool, except we have shared spheres of responsibility. To be more exact, she's my assistant and does my work when I go on holiday. We've talked between ourselves and have come to an understanding that I'm not forcing the relationship upon her by abusing my position and she's not using me as a career step, so my conscience can stay in its peaceful slumber. However, this still means we can't go on holiday together.
What's even worse is that my conscience will wake up and strangle me if I get promoted to deputy section head. It shouldn't happen soon, because in these rough times everyone is gripping their chairs with their asscheeks as hard as they can, but when it happens, I'll chew myself up on the inside, as such relationships go against my ethical code.

What should I do? It's not even a poll because I'm completely at a loss here.

[SlowwHand]

It's a bad idea.

[Dauphin]

Sack her.

[Asher]

There's a woman at work who is very flirtatious with me. She walks by my desk all the time and turns her shoulder and looks back at me and says "Hey you!" with a big smile each time. I don't even work with her, she just works nearby.

She's pretty too.

Want me to get her number, then give it to you?

[Japher]

Poor thing, attracted to gay men... It's a curse for some.

To the OP; it will not go well for long.

[rah]

I'd be a hypocrite if I said don't date people from work since my wife and I met at work. But in fairness, I didn't start dating her until I left the company. But 10 years ago I went back to work there so we're working at the same company again.

BUT IT"S NEVER A GOOD IDEA TO BE DATING SOMEONE IN THE SAME CHAIN OF COMMAND.
No matter what people agree to in this type of senario there is still way too much possiblity for abuse.

It's like when my daughter was selling GS cookies. Since I was a boss I didn't want people to think they had to buy so I didn't tell anyone I was selling them, I just posted a signup sheet in my office discretely. I sold a lot of cookies. People said they weren't buying them for that reason, but 5 years after I left the company and met some ex-employees in a bar they all laughed and said, of course they bought the cookies just because I was the boss man. When you're a boss you can't always believe what the troops are saying.

[DanS]

What about people who are parallel to you on the chain of command with whom you work closely? I've had a personal policy against it, but... well...

Aren't a very high percentage of relationships started at work? I think it was something like one-third or one-half of all marriages are between people who met at work. Of course, you can meet somebody in a different department.

[onodera]

We're not in the same chain of command yet, so I can't fire her sexy ass, but we are already in a relationship, so I can't not get involved in one. Therefore, I have no idea what to do. I could probably ask our boss to give her more independence (basically, split our spheres of responsibility), but this would only delay the onset of the problem. I guess I'll have to play it by ear and see where this relationship will lead us.

[onodera]

Want me to get her number, then give it to you?

Do I look like a mail-order groom to you?

[duke o' york]

I'd just let your boss know about it, and see what he says. He can't stop your relationship, and I'm sure that labour laws will prevent him from sacking at least one of you, but he should know and then make an appropriate decision that will be best for your relationship, and for the company. If that means giving one of you a sideways move then so be it.

[Dinner]

Career wise it is a bad move as if the relationship doesn't work then you end up working with a potentially hostile person after words which sucks. That said work is the second most common place for people to find a spouse (after school) so obviously a lot of people are making it work. Its worth it if you think she's THE ONE who you want to spend the rest of your life with but otherwise no.

[Asher]

Do I look like a mail-order groom to you?

Potentially, how hot are you?

[rah]

I wouldn't mention it for now. You may be broken up before any changes occur that would make it a problem. If a change is imminent then you may want to mention it. And yes, I look back at the department that I worked in just out of school and there is now 4 couples that are married from that original group. So if you eliminate work from your potential pool, you're limiting yourself quite a bit.

[Jon Miller]

I think that the lack of women in physics is some of the reason I have a hard time finding someone.

JM

[onodera]

I think that the lack of women in physics is some of the reason I have a hard time finding someone.

JM

Asher might have a way out for you.

As for the mail-order groom question, other people from the wrong hemisphere have said I looked like a serial rapist and murderer on those photos that they have seen of me.