Suicide is a solution? diary of a hornyman

[Dis]

Farewell thread perhaps? I have no intention of killing myself even if I want to at times. The problem seems to be I have an instinct of self preservation which prevents me from killing myself, yet my instinct for reproduction which is a failure is the reason I want to kill myself. contradictions arise (obscure prong lyrics reference there). The thread title is a parody of an ozzy album song/title btw.

oh and I've had many drinks, so pardon my spelling mistakes. I'm trying to correct them as I can, but I may miss a few. I haven't drank this much in 5 years...

I ended up going on a date with that woman I was complaining about before. I like her, but the problem is my experience comes into question. She asked me if I wanted babies, and she inferred from my answer how little experience I had with women. This seems to be a sticking point. Women do not want a man with no experience with women. Yet how can you get experience with women if they won't be with a guy with no experience. I think it's selfish of women to be this way, but they can't help but be what they are, so I understand that. Her calls to me reduced significantly after that date, but she does call still...

What reason do I have to go on? I will never reproduce, so why go on? Self preservation keeps me alive I guess, and that small insifigant hope.

Anyways this is my leaving thread. I don't expect to be back. Though if they ever make another civ game I may be back, who knows. I know you guys are annoyed by thread like these, not sure why I am this way here (I don't do this any where else on the internet). And I'm kinda hurt no one wanted to see me when they visited Vegas, so I really have no reason to be here. So long all, don't do what I would do.

I am pretty drunk right now, so keep that in mind (in case I return later ). If I do return this thread is a joke (like the 48" pizza thread ), if I don't return, it's serious.

Why am I drunk? I'm not sure. I get restless at times. I haven't been this drunk in 5 years. I guess one reason is to tell if a woman really cares about me (the same one as I dated above). Turns out she did. She called to make sure I got home okay. So I guess I'm friends with her. Yay. But you know what, I am thankful for what I have. I may never have a girlfriend, but at least I have people who care about me. I appreciate her as a friend, and accept that is all she will ever be to me. The brain death of some actress I never heard of is kinda what started all this. All she did was hit her head on some ice, and next thing you know, she's going to die (when they remove her from life support). Life is short, and you need to know who your friends are, and when you know for sure, appreciate them any way you can. And I'm going to do that. I know now she's a friend (and not using me), and I will appreciate her. I'm going to send my mom some flowers too, life is too short, you want to make sure the people in your life know how much they mean to you.

I'm off, I realize now I need some therapy or psychological help to help me with my problems. Talking to a bartender doesn't seem to help . She was too busy to talk to me today . Mental health has a huge stigma in the U.S, and I don't know where to turn to help, if any of you can provide links, it would be much appreciated. I appreciate all you have done for me, take care all, and good fortunes to you all.

But listen to these videos for some reflection (these videos are downers, but so is my mood right now). These videos will provide insight on a the downward spiral of a man.

suicide is painless (with mash video- first link I found)











last song imbedding is disabled, but I encourage you to click, even though the s word is censored .

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mPGUS6zamdg

[Jon Miller]

I am sorry you are hurting.

And suicide isn't a good option, it hurts most the people who love you (and who, generally, you love). Aslo, generally many more people than you think need you and depend on you.

And I hope that you (and I) can find a woman for whom lack of experience isn't a sticking point.

At least you know she is a friend, friends can be hard to find sometimes too.

Peace, and good luck.

JM

[Kidlicious]

She asked me if I wanted babies, and she inferred from my answer how little experience I had with women. This seems to be a sticking point. Women do not want a man with no experience with women.

So what? Just ask someone else out. And get her talking about herself, then you won't have to worry so much about your answers to her questions.

[Zero]

how many times have you failed at "reproducing"?
If you're still having hard time, you havent failed enough.

Go fail some more. In fact go try to fail. then laugh it off.

[ZEE]

Dis,

Sober up, take a week or 2 off from your addictions (Poly included.) Self-reflect...

and come out stronger.

[Garth Vader]

Dis,

Ive been there. I didn't have a date until my late 20's and you are right, women will have a problem with that. If you keep trying you will get more experience, and it will get better.

Your story reminded me of the second woman I dated. She asked me what kinds of things I was looking for in a woman. However I answered that triggered something and she asked if I was a virgin. When I said yes she said "Really?" like 50 times. I didn't get a pity **** out of that, but at least we made out a bit so I got some experience and was better for the next person I dated.

As for suicidal feelings, when I figure that out I'll let you know

[self biased]

you'll be back.

[Jon Miller]

I have had many guys tell me to lie/do everything in my power to not appear inexperienced/a virgin. I think that they are right, as far as getting any girl goes. However, I want a girl who is good for me, good for the person I am, lying about myself and misrpresenting myself won't acheive that.


JM
(I actually don't think Dis is a virgin, just very close to it.)

[Sirotnikov]

Dis, you should not be so critical on yourself.

You need to appreciate the situation with that woman who cares about you in a sober fashion. You need a real life good friend, a "wing man" of sort, that will help you in real time, or perhaps hook you up with someone.

You might be correct that you require counseling. It certainly isn't as bad as it sounds. A LOT of people have issues when it comes to dealing with the other sex. You're not 'sick' or 'crazy' or 'challenged'. Loads of people have issues, most of them worst than you.

You're certainly not the worst, weirdest man on earth. You just need some counseling to ease you out in situations that are problematic. There's nothing wrong or shameful in it, and you certainly shouldn't think you'll never be with a woman.


I know it looks bleak, and you feel lonely. Get the help to improve your confidence. A bartender is a good chat, but will not help you. Talk to a good friend or (considering your options) a counsel. Many clinics offer sexual and relationship advice, that are not labeled 'psychological services'.


Also, if you find out 100% that you struck out with that lady, and she cares for you - discuss the problem with her honestly, and if she really cares for you as much as you think, she might be able to help. She could coach you in getting more confidence and better 'moves' to score, and then get a long term partner.

Best of luck, and feel free to talk by PM or mail.
Siro.

[Theben]

Suicide isn't really an option. There is no Poly in Heaven (there is in hell tho).

Go have protected sex with a clean-looking hooker. At least then you'll know a little more, and can drop the "virgin" stigma.

Or just say you're not a virgin but don't have a lot of exp. It's all subjective nowdays.

[Jon Miller]

I am pretty sure that Dis has had sex before, just hasn't been in a relationship before.

I really think that that is the far more important thing, you who focus on sex aren't thinking about the real issues.

JM

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Dis, you and I don't interact much here. But I can honestly say that you are one of a handful of people on Poly I'd actually like to meet in RL. You seem like a great guy, and if I'd ever made it to Vegas (I've never been there) I certainly would have given a shout. Whether or not you stay here, I hope you find what you're looking for and continue to live a long, happy life.