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Never been formally employed before, partly out of sloth, partly because I'm the sort who didn't want money growing up (no desire for a social life, or for a car, or...). Now I'm finding out all sorts of fun things about the working world in my first few weeks as a pizza drudge. Among them:
1. Despite the added tax revenue and sales, etc., cigarettes are actually a net drag on the economy. Not only do they up healthcare costs, smokers are the world's crappiest workers. My coworkers who smoke are forever sneaking out for undocumented, on-the-clock cig breaks whenever the managers' backs are turned. When they can't escape supervision, they take their breaks as soon as they become available and drag them out too long. When they're not on break, they become increasingly pissy and irritable with their coworkers and (eventually) the customers, and the bad mood spreads around the workplace like the clap through a hippie commune. Sure, they'll be fired in two weeks or less, but the loss in efficiency must be colossal from constantly having to train new grunts.
2. Everyone talks while they're working. With men, this is not a problem, since men just trade jokes and good-natured insults as they're doing their jobs (generally speaking). Women, however, will stop what they're doing as soon as the conversation gets intriguing enough, and will actually drift over from their station to converse with their buddies in greater intimacy. When the manager barks at them to get their asses in gear, they will shoot him a dirty look, as though "gossip about who quit lately" is in their job description. Also, if they smoke, they absolutely must do so in groups so that they can talk outside the back door. I'm speaking in general here, of course, from my own limited experience in one particular industry. I'm sure that AC, for example, limits her on-the-job chatter to minor lewdness.
3. Superstition can be found in the workplace. At my own job, the chief superstition is the "dish fairy," a magical entity who swoops in to clean up the gigundo heap of dirty plates we heap in the sink before walking away to do something else. While there is no evidence for such a sprite, belief in her persists, since if you keep faith in her long enough someone more responsible or tidy than yourself will eventually step in to clean up the mess you made. Generally, that someone is me or one of the Mexicans.
4. On that note, Mexicans can work like frigging steam engines, and smile while they're doing it. And our Mexicans are both documented Mexicans on work visas. I fear their powers. Luckily the sullen, chain-smoking teenagers will be fired long before I will.
5. There are an almost infinite number of ways in which someone can be a bad boss, but so far I've only observed one general type of bad worker.
6. Refusing to do the difficult jobs is a supremely stupid decision, not only because it annoys the managers but because once you get good at the tricky stuff you're a lot less expendable. It's not like pressing out dough into crusts is rocket science, but I'm still one of like three non-managers who can do it worth a damn.
7. There is no job so simple that a dipwad worker can't screw it up. If they can't screw up the job itself, they will settle for, say, badmouthing the product right in front of customers. The first time one of my comrades said of the Greek pizza she'd just made, "Ugh, this is NASTY!" in a voice you could hear from the door, I gently told her that it probably wasn't good for business. She got mad, so now I say screw it and let them act nuts. The better I work, the sooner I make manager and they have to STFU.
It still beats being unemployed by a long shot, though.
1. Despite the added tax revenue and sales, etc., cigarettes are actually a net drag on the economy. Not only do they up healthcare costs, smokers are the world's crappiest workers. My coworkers who smoke are forever sneaking out for undocumented, on-the-clock cig breaks whenever the managers' backs are turned. When they can't escape supervision, they take their breaks as soon as they become available and drag them out too long. When they're not on break, they become increasingly pissy and irritable with their coworkers and (eventually) the customers, and the bad mood spreads around the workplace like the clap through a hippie commune. Sure, they'll be fired in two weeks or less, but the loss in efficiency must be colossal from constantly having to train new grunts.
2. Everyone talks while they're working. With men, this is not a problem, since men just trade jokes and good-natured insults as they're doing their jobs (generally speaking). Women, however, will stop what they're doing as soon as the conversation gets intriguing enough, and will actually drift over from their station to converse with their buddies in greater intimacy. When the manager barks at them to get their asses in gear, they will shoot him a dirty look, as though "gossip about who quit lately" is in their job description. Also, if they smoke, they absolutely must do so in groups so that they can talk outside the back door. I'm speaking in general here, of course, from my own limited experience in one particular industry. I'm sure that AC, for example, limits her on-the-job chatter to minor lewdness.
3. Superstition can be found in the workplace. At my own job, the chief superstition is the "dish fairy," a magical entity who swoops in to clean up the gigundo heap of dirty plates we heap in the sink before walking away to do something else. While there is no evidence for such a sprite, belief in her persists, since if you keep faith in her long enough someone more responsible or tidy than yourself will eventually step in to clean up the mess you made. Generally, that someone is me or one of the Mexicans.
4. On that note, Mexicans can work like frigging steam engines, and smile while they're doing it. And our Mexicans are both documented Mexicans on work visas. I fear their powers. Luckily the sullen, chain-smoking teenagers will be fired long before I will.
5. There are an almost infinite number of ways in which someone can be a bad boss, but so far I've only observed one general type of bad worker.
6. Refusing to do the difficult jobs is a supremely stupid decision, not only because it annoys the managers but because once you get good at the tricky stuff you're a lot less expendable. It's not like pressing out dough into crusts is rocket science, but I'm still one of like three non-managers who can do it worth a damn.
7. There is no job so simple that a dipwad worker can't screw it up. If they can't screw up the job itself, they will settle for, say, badmouthing the product right in front of customers. The first time one of my comrades said of the Greek pizza she'd just made, "Ugh, this is NASTY!" in a voice you could hear from the door, I gently told her that it probably wasn't good for business. She got mad, so now I say screw it and let them act nuts. The better I work, the sooner I make manager and they have to STFU.
It still beats being unemployed by a long shot, though.
Nah, we don't deliver. Also, I never went back in time and boned my grandmother. Eeew.
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