Funny But True Personal Stories

[David Floyd]

Come on, we all have them. You know, stories about ourselves that are hilarious, maybe completely embarrassing, usually sexual (but not necessarily), and completely true.

Post 'em up! I've got plenty about myself, but I'll hold off for the moment, lest I be accused of creating a thread where I can post lying brags about myself

[MikeH]

Once?

[jsorense]

John, you lie.

[DaShi]

I once regularly claimed to be another race, go to a "big name" school, have lots of sex on a pile of money with many beautiful ladies, and then go on a rant about how someone else posts lying brags about himself. Ah, good times.

[Alinestra Covelia]

Once, when I was doing martial arts in the park, I messed up an elbow wrap with the meteor hammer. (流星锤) It went up and around and smacked me in the left ovary, then as I tried to recover it while doubled over in pain, it came around again and whacked me on the forehead.

I decided I would just lie down for a while and enjoy a little rest. My brother came over to me and poked me a few times to make sure I was okay but I just said I was done for the day. He got me an ice cream though.

[Wiglaf]

When I was 19 I needed to get drug tested so I ordered a catheter on Amazon.com in an attempt to extract my urine and replace it with a friend's, as seen in HBO's Oz. We called off the plan when we realized a catheter does in fact go into the penis and decided instead that I should dilute my urine by drinking six gallons of Vanilla Coke (nectar for 45 year old menopausal women :mAD ). This was temporarily successful until I ended up in the hospital with what is known was westoxification, having taken a dosage of liquid that could potentially destroy my kidneys; I decided the job driving the ice cream truck was not worth it, had a hearty laugh, and had a lot of sex that week.

[David Floyd]

With men?

[Wiglaf]

I resent the implication. The reason I rejected the catheter idea is that it would be like indirect gay sex. This is why I do not borrow other people's chapstick, pencils or condoms.

[Zero]

When I was 19 I needed to get drug tested so I ordered a catheter on Amazon.com in an attempt to extract my urine and replace it with a friend's, as seen in HBO's Oz. We called off the plan when we realized a catheter does in fact go into the penis and decided instead that I should dilute my urine by drinking six gallons of Vanilla Coke (nectar for 45 year old menopausal women :mAD ). This was temporarily successful until I ended up in the hospital with what is known was westoxification, having taken a dosage of liquid that could potentially destroy my kidneys; I decided the job driving the ice cream truck was not worth it, had a hearty laugh, and had a lot of sex that week.

get one of those fake plastic penis ones. If theyre not directlystaring at ur schlongs, u can get away with it easy. Its even better if the penis is black (assuming ur white)

[Traianvs]

I could talk about the many times gay fellas try to make a pass at me. For example this morning at 6 or 7 when I was still mad drunk two of those buggers at the bar attempted it once again. Rather bothersome. I ought to take a swing at them one day, but sadly it's a recurring problem with so many of em so that'd be a bit pointless really.

[Krill]

I've run into an iron girder before. That was pretty cool.

[Alinestra Covelia]

"Krill walked into a bar..."

[The Emperor Fabulous]

I once opened a thread by a poster on Apolyton that contained nary a word of truth in it, but he pretended otherwise.

[The Emperor Fabulous]

I met Aasif Manvi from "The Daily Show" in a bathroom on the set of "The Proposal" here in Boston, last April. I was standing at the urinal and I looked to my right (like I do) and there was ****ing Aasif Manvi, peeing like normal people do.

Extras aren't "supposed" to talk to the principles, but I thought, holy crap, I'm peeing next to Aasif Manvi, I want to say something about it. I was pretty newbie doe-eyed to the business at the time. But damn if he wasn't on one of my favorite shows, "Jericho".

So I said "I can't believe I'm peeing next to Mohinder Suresh" which, of course, is the name of the Indian doctor on "Heroes". He says to me, still peeing, "Sorry kid, I'm the other brown doctor".

After zipping back up, I said to him that I was actually a big fan of "Jericho", that I had sent in peanuts to save the show (the campaign at the time), and he seemed genuinely grateful. We shook hands and I left.

I still can't remember if he washed his hand before I shook it.

[Unimatrix11]

well, you survived it...

Okay here is a story i tell, at occasion like these:

So, like 10 years ago or so, i had some sort of pimple next to my right eye. I wasnt born with it, and it didnt go through usual pimple-evolution, so i decided to get rid of it why a mini-surgery. After the operation, that took place under local narcotics, the doc told me, i should try not to sleep on that side of my face if i can avoid it for some time. I replied, not to worry, since i would mostly sleep on my stomach... Only later i realized how dumb that was - i mean yeah, on my stomach, but not my nose, right ?

Since i am hungover and bored - here comes another one:
Some 8 years or so ago, i got interested in remixes of old video-game-music. Espiacially, i was looking for the intro-tune of ´zak mc kracken´, which still rang in my ears, years after having played it. Of course, since nothing can not be found on the net, the search was successful. While browsing the various remixes, one artist´s work particularly suited my taste (Puffy64´s remix of the ´Maniac Mansion´ intro). Living in a student home back then, i showed one of my roomies. He then told me, that a guy, living in the flat two stories below us, is very much into this stuff. Guess what? It was Puffy64. What are the chances ?!