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Welcome to Hell
So. It seems that, while you were alive, you did some very, very, very bad things. Perhaps you kidnapped war orphans and sold them to child molesters. Perhaps you were the fellow who came up with "reality TV." Or there was just a screwup in the afterlife bureaucracy. Whatever the case, you have been assigned to a particularly cruel section of hell. But you are given a choice.
You may spend all of eternity in one of four rooms. The first contains Jar-Jar Binks; the second, Scrappy-Doo; in the third is Elmo from Sesame Street and your roommate for the last would be Wesley Crusher. This being Hell, you exist as disembodied spirits who cannot be killed or knocked unconscious and never go to sleep. You need no food or drink and cannot hurt each other physically (if you could repeatedly punch Jar-Jar in the nuts for all time so he could only squeal with pain, well, that might not be Heaven but it wouldn't be that bad). Your afterlife buddy cannot in any way learn or mature (no teaching Elmo to use pronouns) and is provided with whatever props he desires. For example, Wesley will be given a dilithium thingamajig, and he will be constantly attempting to modify its phase variance to blast a hole in the wall and escape from the Klingons he believes are holding you. And make no mistake, he will keep you updated on his progress, each and every time he gets a brilliant idea. Finally, in case it is not obvious, you may not ever leave the room for one fraction of a second, or put on earplugs, or in any other way escape from your eternal comrade's pleasant company.
You can guess where this is going: which do you choose, and why?
You may spend all of eternity in one of four rooms. The first contains Jar-Jar Binks; the second, Scrappy-Doo; in the third is Elmo from Sesame Street and your roommate for the last would be Wesley Crusher. This being Hell, you exist as disembodied spirits who cannot be killed or knocked unconscious and never go to sleep. You need no food or drink and cannot hurt each other physically (if you could repeatedly punch Jar-Jar in the nuts for all time so he could only squeal with pain, well, that might not be Heaven but it wouldn't be that bad). Your afterlife buddy cannot in any way learn or mature (no teaching Elmo to use pronouns) and is provided with whatever props he desires. For example, Wesley will be given a dilithium thingamajig, and he will be constantly attempting to modify its phase variance to blast a hole in the wall and escape from the Klingons he believes are holding you. And make no mistake, he will keep you updated on his progress, each and every time he gets a brilliant idea. Finally, in case it is not obvious, you may not ever leave the room for one fraction of a second, or put on earplugs, or in any other way escape from your eternal comrade's pleasant company.
You can guess where this is going: which do you choose, and why?
Deus Ex Machina, baby.
ACK!
I'LL BE GOOD!!!!!!
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