Correct my cover letter

[Solomwi]

Remember Churchill's aphorism that short words are best, and old, short words best of all. If you can say "also" instead of "in addition to," for example, do it. As Dauphin said, the same applies to sentences. Long sentences are distracting to read.

I don't know what kind of timeframe you're working with, but if you have time put the letter down for a while, then come back to it. When you re-read it, do so asking yourself if there's a sharper, more concise way to get each individual thought or point across without losing the coherence of the letter as a whole. I know English isn't your first language, but based on what I've seen here, you're plenty fluent in it for that process to yield substantial improvements. Repeat the process regularly.

[Beta]

Originally posted by DaShi


That's a very good point.

Try this for a cover a letter Trav:

extensive knowledge
experience
interests
Masters in Business Communication
human rights
international relations
conflict management
foreign languages
academic experience
EMP framework
valuable contribution
professional level
practical experiences
Middle-East politics
seminar paper
EU
international trade
bilateral trade agreements
Euro-Mediterranean Association Agreement
relationship
Algeria
familiarized
Barcelona Process
Specialised courses
commercial environment
potential
excellent opportunity
qualifications
person-for that human touch

Sincerely,

#42847
Grid 19a12, Sector 41

Enclosed: C.V.

[Traianvs]

Originally posted by Solomwi


I don't know what kind of timeframe you're working with, but if you have time put the letter down for a while, then come back to it. When you re-read it, do so asking yourself if there's a sharper, more concise way to get each individual thought or point across without losing the coherence of the letter as a whole.

Yep, I have some time left, which is why I'm asking for a few suggestions here . Good idea!

@ Dashi: I understand a bit of creativity could prove useful, but it's not one of my talents I'm afraid
Also it's impossible to know who's evaluating the applications. Might be someone who prefers frivolous, humouristic or self-assured letters. Might not be. Can't tell.

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Traianvs
Also it's impossible to know who's evaluating the applications. Might be someone who prefers frivolous, humouristic or self-assured letters. Might not be. Can't tell.

Well, then send several applications each in it's own style

[snoopy369]

Preferably with appropriately designed minority-sounding names on each one ... go for a different minority on each as well just to cover all your bases.

[Solomwi]

Originally posted by Traianvs

Also it's impossible to know who's evaluating the applications. Might be someone who prefers frivolous, humouristic or self-assured letters. Might not be. Can't tell.

That's why it's best to be straight to the point and matter-of-fact. Nobody will fault you for leaving humor out of a cover letter, where it's not going to be expected, but plenty out there will fault you for including it where they don't think it should be. And everybody will fault you if an attempt at humor in the letter falls flat.

Almost without fail, when I go back and re-read something I've written and put down, I'll have at least one instance of wondering why the hell I included a certain word, usually something like "indeed" or "therefore."

[BlackCat]

The matter-of-fact approach is probably the best if it was for a technical job, but the job Traianvs are going for demands abilities in doublespeak, so he has to present some BS'ing in his application.

[snoopy369]

I wouldn't attempt any humour; just proper business language. Doublespeak, sure, but not humour. It's not appropriate for this sort of letter.

[duke o' york]

Don't use business language! Just use sensible, comprehensible English, as Dauphin suggested. That will make things easy for the interviewers to understand. They will want to teach you the jargon they think you'll require for the job so don't go overboard in your application. Plus, they may not understand it, in the same way that most of us wouldn't understand a business presentation that any of us posted here: each business has its own nonsense that only it will understand. So no use of meaningless terms like "blue sky thinking" or "stretching the envelope" - just stick to real English, so if this application doesn't work out for you then you can use the letter for the next opportunity.

I'm tempted to apply my not inconsiderable English skills (typos at 'poly excepted) to your letter, but you don't want to turn up on your first day and be unable to write like a native speaker, despite what your application letter showed. Far better to be truthful, and besides - the original letter isn't too bad, style-wise. Pay attention to the advice you have been given here, but don't strive for a perfect letter unless you know your written English is perfect. Just express the most important points that will get you an interview and then get in there and impress them. The letter is important, but it's how you perform in the interview that will make or break your application. The very best of luck my friend.

[Traianvs]

Originally posted by snoopy369
Preferably with appropriately designed minority-sounding names on each one ... go for a different minority on each as well just to cover all your bases.

I've been told by a friend that for this kind of work it's an awful shame I'm white, male and don't have any disabilities

The letter is important, but it's how you perform in the interview that will make or break your application. The very best of luck my friend

Thanks. Face to face conversation always works better with me than written or telephone communication. For me the first hurdle is always the hardest.

[duke o' york]

Originally posted by Traianvs


I've been told by a friend that for this kind of work it's an awful shame I'm white, male and don't have any disabilities

Claim you're gay, an albino Ivorian waiting for your gender reassignment to be officially classified, and they'll employ you straightaway!

Or you could just submit a proper application letter and perform well in the interview. Either's good.

[BlackCat]

Originally posted by Traianvs


I've been told by a friend that for this kind of work it's an awful shame I'm white, male and don't have any disabilities

Just say that you are preparing for a sex change operation - that should put you into a couple of "preferred" groups


Edit: and don't listen to duke o' york, he's just proposing dull common sense

[duke o' york]

Originally posted by Traianvs
Thanks. Face to face conversation always works better with me than written or telephone communication. For me the first hurdle is always the hardest.

Opposite with me. Before I became an acc(o)untant, I applied to join the Foreign Office. I had one of the best exam applications they'd ever had, but cocked up the interview massively. Oops. I have got better recently though.

[Solomwi]

Originally posted by BlackCat
The matter-of-fact approach is probably the best if it was for a technical job, but the job Traianvs are going for demands abilities in doublespeak, so he has to present some BS'ing in his application.

I'd save that for the interview, where he can get a better feel for what's audience appropriate.

[Traianvs]

Alright, I got the interview
I probably owe it in part to your suggestions

Unfortunately I'm working all day long for 10 straight days, so I'll need to be creative in order to find an opening for that interview