Holy depression: my life is ****

[germanos]

Well done

[Wernazuma III]

Re: Re: Holy depression: my life is ****

Originally posted by DaShi
How horrible. :sad:

Well, yeah, that's kind of the point. If I were unhappy with my situation, being in a wheelchair without support, having AIDS, living in Simbabwe, I'd know why I am so unhappy.

[DaShi]

Depression isn't real. Tom Cruise says so, and I think he knows crazy.

[Pekka]

Sounds like there's lots of things that might be contributing into this position you are in at this point of your life.

The good news is, they're quite normal things. It's just how it is, you're in a "middle state", sort of hanging in between these life situations. Post grad, one thing is over, the next one has not yet started properly. That kind of thing makes a man always suspicious, question himself, a bit lost in a way, or even lost feelings about oneself and ones identity.

All this brings out insecurities, then on the top you can be tired, and that just amplifies everything and things seem much more negative, and nothing feels good anymore. Plus, it's that time of the season anyway.

I think this is good news for you, because all these things might be contributing a lot, meaning that this is a phase, you will get over it, and come out a stronger person because of it. I think the best thing you can do is not to make any big decisions in your life during this period, just try to focus on yourself more, talk to a professional, reach for your wife and basically get well and healthy again. Even if it doesn't feel like it, life will be better for you.

[Traianvs]

You're not the only one with a post graduation black hole, Werna

I don't have a depression and I'm not particularly unhappy (neither am I happy). Still, I've no idea what to do with my life now. There's no ambition in me, and I'm the laziest person I know... I sleep until noon (or later) and I'm never in the mood for anything, except drinking, watching or playing football, etcetera. In short: amusement.

I don't want to indulge in self-misery either, so I'll not elaborate. Life would be simpler for me if I were much dumber, or... much smarter

As for you, it seems you still have family you can depend on. In the long run that'll undoubtedly be a solid mainstay for you.

[DaShi]

Not if his wife leaves him over this depression. And 2 kids born out of wedlock, that'll likely **** them up in unforeseeable ways, esp. the first.

[Traianvs]

I saw no indication that she was about to leave. Besides women won't leave their husbands too quickly if they have two kids.

[asleepathewheel]

Depression is very unattractive. Good thing you have those kids to keep her for the interim while you get your act together. For all the talk of equality, while men will cut their wives breaks all day regarding their feelings, women are not going to reciprocate on that issue-stability is too critical a need.

The post-graduate degree in many ways is a curse. Without the PhD, you could reinvent yourself in any number of ways, but now-you're stuck. "Regular" employers will discard your resume as overqualified and likely to bolt, or as a threat to the hierarchy. And since you can't find a local job, you're a bit stuck. As someone with a JD married to a PhD, I can empathize with your feelings. The US is increasingly littered with people similarly situated to yourself. Its depressing.

[Wernazuma III]

Luckily, my wife is rather hard-headed and steady. Her laconic reaction to my emotional outburst was something along the line "I know why I chose you". So, I'm not afraid that she'll leave me anytime soon, unless my depression deepens over a year or so and my innate jealousy (which is completely independent from her actions) rises correlatingly. My major concern in this moment is trying not to cling or control, trying to routinize family life.

asleepathewheel: I can only hope that Asher doesn't see the thread, telling me I should have studied something useful.

[asleepathewheel]

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
Luckily, my wife is rather hard-headed and steady. Her laconic reaction to my emotional outburst was something along the line "I know why I chose you". So, I'm not afraid that she'll leave me anytime soon, unless my depression deepens over a year or so and my innate jealousy (which is completely independent from her actions) rises correlatingly. My major concern in this moment is trying not to cling or control, trying to routinize family life.

asleepathewheel: I can only hope that Asher doesn't see the thread, telling me I should have studied something useful.

Its good that you're secure. And its good that you acknowledge your issues and try to resolve them rather than trying to ignore them. Taking your spouse for granted, which you are clearly not, would be the ticket to disaster.

I've been where you are, its not a pleasant time. That immediate post-graduate world can be really rough, but you really have no choice other than to pull it together for your family. Your job market sounds terrible,

[molly bloom]

Weltanschauung is a drag.


Cheer yourself up listening to 'Gloomy Sunday', Nico's live version of the Doors' 'The End' and then watch a Fassbinder film.

Top it off with Goethe's 'Young Werther', and like me, you'll be happy as Larry.


Seriously, I always find that gloomy music and gloomy art acts a little like vaccinations for depression.

A touch of Billie Holiday, some Edvard Munch or Van Gogh, it all helps.


My very best wishes for an uplift in your sagging spirits.

[TCO]

1. Need to start working out, 5-6 days/week. See if you can talk someone into helping motivate you for that.

2. Don't give up on the US. There is so much opportunity here. Austria is buried from hundreds of years ago. (except they have pretty girls, old churches on mountains and candles on trees.) They all sit in a web of families and wait for each other to die. See if you can talk your wife into moving here with you. Do it on a shoe-string.

3. What's your degree/specialty?

[Wernazuma III]

OK, so here's my situation after Christmas.
I thought I'd get over it as quickly as I fell into the hole, but I don't. I think my wife is part of the problem. At the same time I have my issues she started to frequently contact a colleague (female), talking basically about her "self". So, while I'm in deep ****, she's on an enlightenment trip trying to figure out the sense of life. She assures me that it's not about us, and I honestly believe that she doesn't talk about our issues, being more concentrated on her own personality and about her gradfather, who is in hospital and whom she contacted after 12 years of mutual ignorance (difficult issue). But it makes me mad. It starts with a long email at 8am, continues over about a dozen or more SMS over the day and ends with another lengthy email, consuming totally about 2h+ a day. Add this to my previously described personal problem. It's not how I envisioned my holidays, it's not how I expected things would return to normal. I'm sick, I have no idea how to get trough this.

[Lancer]

Originally posted by TCO
1. Need to start working out, 5-6 days/week. See if you can talk someone into helping motivate you for that.

2. Don't give up on the US. There is so much opportunity here. Austria is buried from hundreds of years ago. (except they have pretty girls, old churches on mountains and candles on trees.) They all sit in a web of families and wait for each other to die. See if you can talk your wife into moving here with you. Do it on a shoe-string.

3. What's your degree/specialty?

So do the Swiss. My dad actually set fire to a tree one year with the candles. Luckily my brother and I knew it was going to happen and had a plan. I carried the flaming tree and threw it in the pool while he had an extinguisher nearby in case I, or anything else, caught fire.

[molly bloom]

Originally posted by Wernazuma III
I'm sick, I have no idea how to get trough this.

Seriously (although my previous reply was serious too) regular exercise is part of an antidote for depression- whether it involves going to the gym, swimming, a long walk, hiking up a mountain or skiing.

How far are you from mountains ?

There's a reason the English Romantic poets and the Continental Romantic painters liked mountains and Alpine scenery- like the sea, the awesome presence of raw nature takes you out of yourself.

Give it a try.