i found out this morning that...

[self biased]

someone i grew up with committed suicide on monday.

it's quite surreal because i wouldn't really consider him a friend, but how else would one describe the relationship? only Tiamat has ever met him from 'poly, so i'm not expecting an outpouring of sympathy.

were it any act of carelessness on his behalf: hunting accident, car accident, or were he bit by some sort of hot snake he had acquired and couldn't get medical attention in time i'd be able to take it better in stride.

but, he ate the barrel of a gun over some f*cking broad. it bothers me because we had always figured him far too narcissistic to do such a thing. i hadn't heard from him but once in the last two years, and even then, it had only been because i had stopped by a mutual friend's place whilst he was visiting.

[Elok]

[/inadequate] Dunno what to say, man.

The closest I've come to this was when a nutty friend left a suicide note on MySpace. Luckily he got talked out of it or lost interest or something.

[self biased]

i'm not sure how i should feel, and that's what's making me feel awkward. he was a tool, but i wouldn't have wished this sort of thing upon him.

[Jon Miller]

I think onl ynarcists would

And yeah, suicide is really depressing. Death is in general.

[Elok]

Feel how you want to feel, and never mind "should." Wherever he's gone, I doubt he'll mind.

Then again, I've never lost anyone close to me, so maybe my advice isn't worth much.

[MrFun]

This is awful, self biased. But at some point down the road, whether it's hard to believe or not, you will feel better again.

[GePap]

Originally posted by self biased
i'm not sure how i should feel, and that's what's making me feel awkward. he was a tool, but i wouldn't have wished this sort of thing upon him.

well, there isn't something you are "supposed" to feel in this situation, so whatever you are feeling is probably fine.

[chequita guevara]

You are confused, so it's perfectly natural to feel confused. When you start to make sense of it, normal feelings will come.

[Blaupanzer]

Sympathy. Truth is, you and others who knew him are the only sufferers. He's long gone, whatever you believe. Suggest you have a drink in his name, or if you know enough folks who had him in common, have a small farewell party/wake. Then move on.

[Japher]

It's a shame that anyone thinks that killing themselves is a good solution to any problem.

[SlowwHand]

It's rude.

[Arrian]

Agree with those who say don't worry about how you feel.

My half brother threw himself off the George Washington Bridge. I didn't know him all that well, for reasons I won't get into, but I felt basically nothing, whilst family members were torn up about it. I spent some time wondering what was wrong with me. The answer, though, is nothing. I just didn't know him well enough to have a strong emotional reaction to his death. My non-reaction wasn't wrong. It was quite natural, really.

-Arrian

[Japher]

In general, I never have a strong reaction to death, even when it is someone I am close to. My reaction is usually, "well that sucks!" And, I leave it at that, pick up the peices, thank 'em for the memories and move on.

I feel that people who get sad because someone died get sad because they feel robbed of any future sharing of experiences they may have had, and that's selfish. There is no reason to feel grief, maybe pitty...

Hook: Death is the only adventure I have left.

[Tiamat]

Mikey? Surely not Ed. I'm very sorry to hear that. I've lost two friends and an ex husband to suicide. All I have to say at being on this end is that it's quite selfish. That being said, Very sorry that you have to deal with those feelings.

[self biased]

yeah, it was waffle. i'm more in jaffer's camp. i'm not really all that torn up about it, though. he wasn't always that good of a friend, but his loyalty toward his friends was handled with a fierceness and intensity that i've yet to encounter again.