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I just received a panic message from a friend of mine

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  • #1

    I just received a panic message from a friend of mine

    He's worrying that he's turning straight due to a massive crush on one of his new FEEEE-MALE co-workers.

    What can we do to fight this perversion? I've dispatched one mutual friend of ours to go make a bootycall to remind him of the normal way a gay man is to act, but I fear we're losing him to the Dark Side.

    Are there any support groups he could join? How about faith and religion -- what does the bible say about straying from one's roots?

    While his booty call is enroute (all the way from the frigid wasteland of Edmonton), I've ordered him to attend the Twisted Element tonight where they're doing a stripping contest and a best chest contest.

    The Surge will arrive this weekend when the friend comes in from Edmonton and takes him to an "erotic party" with only men. Will it be enough? I need a backup plan, pronto.

    This is urgent. Serious replies only!
    "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
    Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "
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  • #2
    Send Wiglaf to set him on the right path
    “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
    - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

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    • #3
      Originally posted by Imran Siddiqui
      Send Wiglaf to set him on the right path
      This is the kind of advice I need.

      It never occurred to me. Republicans are notoriously skilled in the art of gay sex, that'll fix him up in a jiffy.
      "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
      Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

      Comment

      • #4
        I'm pretty sure this is a result of the Straight Agenda. There have been organized movements lately by the Straight Agenda activists to insert hot slutty women in the vicinity of gay men in the hopes of converting them. I hear they advocate teaching straight sex and straight marriage in pre-school now.
        "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
        Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

        Comment

        • #5
          Let me help. Tell me where these places are. I will pose as gay (I can pass) and divert the hot slutty resources away from the real gays.
          Apolyton's Grim Reaper 2008, 2010 & 2011
          RIP lest we forget... SG (2) and LaFayette -- Civ2 Succession Games Brothers-in-Arms

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          • #6
            Originally posted by -Jrabbit
            Let me help. Tell me where these places are. I will pose as gay (I can pass) and divert the hot slutty resources away from the real gays.
            to a true team player.

            I'll PM you the details and buy you a first class plane ticket.
            "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
            Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

            Comment

            • #7
              Maybe "she" is a she-male and the pheremones are confoozin' him.
              I'm consitently stupid- Japher
              I think that opinion in the United States is decidedly different from the rest of the world because we have a free press -- by free, I mean a virgorously presented right wing point of view on the air and available to all.- Ned

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              • #8
                Originally posted by Theben
                Maybe "she" is a she-male and the pheremones are confoozin' him.
                An enemy infiltrator! Yes, I didn't consider this either.

                I will have to commission one of my straight friends to do a clit check.

                Edit: I am so impressed that is not censored.
                "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                Comment

                • #9
                  More ideas.
                  "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                  Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                  Comment

                  • #10
                    Punch him in the dick.

                    Comment

                    • #11
                      You should let him experiment with his sexuality. Let him try women with strap ons, for example.
                      Click here if you're having trouble sleeping.
                      "We confess our little faults to persuade people that we have no large ones." - François de La Rochefoucauld

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                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Lorizael
                        You should let him experiment with his sexuality. Let him try women with strap ons, for example.
                        Your moral depravity upsets me. WWJD?
                        "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                        Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                        Comment

                        • #13
                          Originally posted by Riesstiu IV
                          Punch him in the dick.
                          He lives 2000 miles away.
                          "The issue is there are still many people out there that use religion as a crutch for bigotry and hate. Like Ben."
                          Ben Kenobi: "That means I'm doing something right. "

                          Comment

                          • #14
                            He is obviously the weak link in you organization Asher. Your gay conspiracy can not afford to take risks with such non hackers, not this close to your ultimate victory.

                            Time to clean house, god knows what secrets he has already divulged flirting at the office water cooler.
                            at the office water cooler.
                            Last edited by Patroklos; October 9, 2008, 11:10.
                            "The DPRK is still in a state of war with the U.S. It's called a black out." - Che explaining why orbital nightime pictures of NK show few lights. Seriously.

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                            • #15
                              Originally posted by Asher
                              Your moral depravity upsets me. WWJD?
                              Jesus would use a holy strap on.
                              “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
                              - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

                              Comment

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