Fizziks jokes

[Theben]

I wish I could find that thread.

[Theben]

Found it!

http://www.apolyton.net/forums/showthread.php?s=&threadid=176305&perpage=30&pagenumber=1

[Lefty Scaevola]

The Polizei stop Professor Heisenburg for speeding. The officer asks Heisenburg
"do you know how fast you were going?"
He repiles
"No, but I know where I am."

[Lul Thyme]

La Police stops Heisenberg for speeding
"Do you know how fast you were going?" the police officer asks, incredulously.
"No," replies Heisenberg, "but I know exactly where I am!"

[BlackCat]

This is old

The following is an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid term.

The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.

One student, however, wrote the following:

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today.

Most religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one such religion and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.

This gives two possibilities:

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.

So which is it?

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number two must be true. Thus, I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is therefore, extinct......leaving only Heaven. Thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.

[MarkG]

Thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

excellent punch line!

i hope the guy ended up becoming a writer

[FrostyBoy]

I don't find any of this funny... thanks for wasting my time

[Krill]

Then don't ****ing post in the thread.

BC awesome.

[Lul Thyme]

Originally posted by MarkG

Thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting "Oh my God."

excellent punch line!

i hope the guy ended up becoming a writer

Come on...
It's a pretty funny story but it's also pretty clear it's apocryphal...

[Heraclitus]

[DRoseDARs]

Highest grade in the class was 63%? It's funny 'cause it's true.

[KrazyHorse]

I took an algebra exam one time where I was pleased to get a 36% because the mean was a 35% and the highest score was a 48%

[MrFun]

How are you able to do so well in physics if you do poorly in mathematics?

[Japher]

A MBA and an Engineer go on a camping trip, set up their tent, and fall asleep. Some hours later, the Engineer wakes his MBA friend.

"Look up at the sky and tell me what you see The MBA replies, "I see millions of stars."

The Engineer asks "What does that tell you?"

The MBA ponders for a minute:
"Astronomically speaking, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.

Astrologically, it tells me that Saturn is in Leo. Time wise, it appears to be approximately a quarter past three.

Theologically, it's evident the Lord is all-powerful and we are small and insignificant.

Meteorologically, it seems we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.

What does it tell you?"

The Engineer friend is silent for a moment, and then speaks.
"Practically...Someone has stolen our tent".

[dannubis]

I heard that one as a conversion between holmes and watson

Still: