Proper Funeral Etiquette

[Tiamat]

My friend the "Ice Princess" brother died this morning. He had the Gioblastoma brain tumor the most aggressive kind so I understand. The funeral is on Friday at 10:00. So here's the question. She and her husband have been in the close circle of friends that we have maintained over the last 20 + years. She is the baby of 6 and I have never met this brother, however, I have met one of her other brothers whom we associate with and play poker with and see occasionally when we're out.

So do I attend the funeral for "moral support" even though I never met this brother or not. Oh and the kicker on this one is I don't have a very good habit of keeping my mouth shut and I happen to know that her husband is leaving her at the end of next month but she doesn't know yet. While I would never be so rude as to say anything at the funeral, we have been friends for over 20 years and it's not very hard to read someone when you know them well. I guess I could chalk it up to my mind being on the new job etc... but still. ???

[DanS]

WTF, you know her hubby's leaving her? How do you know that?

[GePap]

well, if this friend is really close, I am sure she might appreciate your presence, but there is no particular reason why you should feel obligated to go. Maybe ask her if you would be welcomed.

[Elok]

While I know nothing of correctness, I say go, provided you think this lady and/or her brothers would gain something by your presence. Solidarity trumps etiquette.

As for her noticing something different about your behavior, that depends on how suddenly the brother died. If she's had two years and a half to prepare for this and is resigned to it, she might notice something. If this is one of those diagnosed-two-months-before-death situations, she'll be living in a haze of grief and will barely notice enough of her surroundings to avoid walking into walls. Either way I'd say go. If nothing else, you can kick her hubby in the nuts for choosing such a terrible time to ditch her.

[Lorizael]

Originally posted by Elok
If nothing else, you can kick her hubby in the nuts for choosing such a terrible time to ditch her.

What if he has a perfectly good reason for doing so?

[DirtyMartini]

I think that you go to funerals to support the living more than to remember the dead -- it sounds like you should go.

[Elok]

Originally posted by Lorizael
What if he has a perfectly good reason for doing so?

What's his rush?

[BlackCat]

Yep, you should go as others have said, but remember to make up a good explanation why you have a piece of gaffa tape on your mouth

[Lorizael]

Originally posted by Elok
What's his rush?

The end of next month is a rush? Maybe he's been waiting for years? Come on. We know so little about this situation. We can't possibly judge it accurately.

[germanos]

Arrive during the service, leave as soon as you've given her your condolences.


Oh. and kick the person who told you the gossip in the groin and twist the nippels to boot.

[Tiamat]

The reason I know that they are splitting up is because my other best friend of 30 years is leaving her husband and when her husband and the ice princesses husband got together about three weeks ago he told Collin that he could no longer deal with her and that when the house was paid off he was going to split. Not to go into many details but they have been married for almost 21 years and during that time he has held the only stable job in that marriage. She'll work about 3 months then it's just to much for her, be off work for 6 months to a year, then get a job work for 3 months and repeat.

Besides, when you hang out with the same circle of maybe 7-10 friends for the last 20 years it's hard not to know the latest gossip through the circle.


And it was a quick one. They told him about two months ago he'd have 6 months then last week they said OOpppppps nope, you got two weeks, he didn't even make it one.

[Tiamat]

yeah I think I'll go just case we've been friends so long. Maybe I'll fake a sore throat then I'll have an excuse not to talk

[Elok]

How the devil does she keep getting jobs with that kind of work history? Just out of curiosity.

[Theben]

You lie about your past work history. If it's low skill work the management rarely does a full background check, mainly b/c it's almost never worth the cost.

[Tiamat]

Actually that's exactly what she did and when some guy offered her a job to start in two weeks, after he researched her info and found out she was lying he resended the offer. She wrote him a nasty letter saying that he owed her two weeks pay due to her not looking for work because she'd accepted the position. He gave it to her!!

I was shocked to say the least but he probably thought she was trouble and she'd be less trouble this way then working for him. He was right after she got her money she droped it.