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Never throw your Granny in a bag. Never lean over on Tuesday.
And St. Paul, he wrote letters, didnt he? St. Pauls Letter to the Corinthians. Always writing to the Corinthians. St. Pauls letter to the Corinthians “ Chapter 1“ Verses 1 to 53. Dear Corinthians, as you can tell from my preamble, its gonna be quite a long letter. Here we go: Dont do bad things, only do good things. Always treat your neighbour like someone who lives near to you. Never put a sock in a toaster. Never put jam on a magnet. Never throw your Granny in a bag. Never suck all the juice out of a vampire. Never lean over on Tuesday¦ (takes drag out of joint) Lots of other things, but I gotta go and have a Mars bar now. Love, Paul (Saint). (cracks up) Is that how he wrote his name? Paul (Saint). B.A. honours. Yeah, so he wrote this "All right, thats the end of the letter; The Corinthians¦ Corinth.
They mustve been real f**ked off over in Corinth, dont you think? The postman going,
Come on, one of you Corinthians, gotta take this letter.
Oh, f**k off! Thats from old mourner St. Paul, isnt it? No I dont want it, I dont want it!
You gotta take it. Come on, I gotta have a signature for it.
Oh, f**k off! It says the CorinthianS, plural. Ask someone else. Oh, give it here. What does it say? Dont do this, dont do that. Never put a sock in a toaster? Jam on a magnet, Ooh, hes lost his brain, aint he? Whose idea was it to be a pen-pal with St. Paul anyway? That f**king backfired, didnt it? Hes supposed to stop doing it at about 15, hes been doing it for years. Come on, Corinthians, come on, general meeting. Were gonna write a letter back to him, stop all this rubbish.
The Corinthians Letter Back to St. Paul - Chapter 1- Verses 1 to a million. More letters to follow. Tuesday 28th of something. Dear Paul (Saint, apparently), PHUCK OFF! Just fu- who are you? Why do you keep sending these letters? You arrogant bastard, you send a letter to an entire city! What do you want us to do, put these up in a board or something? Just f**k off! Youre coming on like Alistair Cooke, for f**ks sake! ˜Never put a sock in a toaster,whats all that about?
The Corinthians - Eddie Izzard
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