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1- If you put Wiglaf in an atmosphere containing a high proportion of halogens and run an 8 volt charge through him, he'd probably ask you to stop.
2- Wiglaf's favourite testicle is his left one, even though it's smaller than the right. He thinks the right one is a bit vain and unlikely to stand by him in times of need.
3- Rather than the conventional double-helix, Wiglaf's DNA takes the shape of little hearts. Isn't that sweet?
4- Wiglaf refuses to divulge just how much genital piercing he's had done, but it's suspected that he has the world's first Swiss Army Penis.
5- Wiglaf's favourite foods are lentils, Beef Wellington, juicy red apples, baby owls and grit.
6- Wiglaf's numerous piercings mean that if he was ever fitted with a colostomy bag he could easily be converted into a really impressive bong. Even without the bag, you could still play him like an oboe, though the mouthpiece requires nerves of steel to contemplate.
7- Wiglaf's wheels have been heavily customised over the years, and now feature low-profile tyres, a 7.2 litre V-8 big-block engine, and a shoe shop to attract the laydeez.
8- Early in life, Wiglaf developed a religious vocation but was asked to leave the Seminary after a semantic confusion left him trying to fill the entire building with his gentleman's gel.
9- South of the Mason-Dixon line, the single commonest cause of buildings insurance claims is Wiglaf infestations. Left untreated, the Wiglaf appetite for wood-pulp can cause severe damage to timbers, but the infestation can be halted by distracting them with amputee porn then hitting them with hammers.
10- If Wiglaf was an artistic movement, it would be a deeply baffling one feature huge quantities of gratuitous violence and garam masala.
11- Wiglaf discovered radioactivity, but totally failed to spot its potential and swapped all rights to recognition for a hand-shandy off Marie Curie. He will receive belated credit when the next-discovered element will be named "Wankonium" in his honour.
12- If Wiglaf ever got banned, the collective and synchonised sigh of relief would blow OT so far up the forum listing that it would hover just above the community forum.
13- Wiglaf was born with two left eyes, even though one is situated on the right. A spokesman from "The Lancet" commented "AAAAAAAHH!! KILL IT!!!"
14- Like so many other children of the 70's, Wiglaf's favourite expression is "Spacky bum-bum".
15- As his thighs rub together, Wiglaf refuses to wear corduroy in case the friction makes his legs catch fire.
16- Wiglaf has sired over 40 illegitimate children. He maintains good relations with all of them except number 17, who is the Antichrist.
17- Wiglaf is great.
18- Wiglaf is a huge fan of Broadway show tunes, and can often be found belting out numbers from "Oklahoma" and "West Side Story" like a big, screaming bender. He is Liza Minelli, in the privacy of his own fevered imagination.
19- Wiglaf enjoys hunting, but scorns the use of firearms- he maintains that gentlemen should stick to unarmed combat. Last summer, after a 4-hour chase he succeeded in kicking a caribou in the bollocks. He plans to top that this year by head-butting a squirrel.
20- While dowsers use forked hazel twigs to discover water, it's suspected that, in much the same way, a forked Wiglaf could be used to detect impressionable young ladies who've drunk a bit too much and are getting smutty web-cam ideas.
21- If you put a length of copper pipe up Wiglaf's bumhole, you could use him to pick up short-wave radio signals, or scare children.
22- Wiglaf recently attempted to auction his bum-cherry on e-Bay, but when the reserve price failed to be met he swapped it for a set of novelty coasters. He says they're lovely, and he wasn't exploited in the slightest.
23- Wiglaf's favourite element is Yttrium. He wants to lick it.
24- Carbon-dating tests suggest that Wiglaf is over 8 million years old. Initial claims that he is the missing link were abandoned when it was discovered that, genetically speaking, he's really ****ing strange.
25- Wiglaf like to stuff a video camera down his underpants before exercising vigorously. He then posts the footage on YouTube, claiming it's exclusive film of a vicious attack by frenzied Naked Mole-rats.
26- If you boil Wiglaf in a pressure cooker at a low simmer for several hours, frankly I wouldn't be surprised.
27- In numerology, the cipher of "Wiglaf" translates into a recipe for fudge.
28- It would take 14% less energy to winch Wiglaf to the top of a 4-storey building than it would to fire an apple through a Spaniard.
29- Scientists at the University of Manchester Institute of Science of Technology have spent many years reasearching the question of what sex with Wiglaf would be like. Professor Ingrid Shwartz comments "We've calculated that the experience would be like wrapping your naked body in a luxurious mink robe, inserting vibrating plugs in every orifice, then throwing yourself down a flight of stairs."
30- Wiglaf has the world's largest penis.
31- Oh, hang on. Is that a leg? It is, isn't it? Jesus Christ, boy- what the hell's going on down there? Sorry- disregard number 30.
32- In the mid 80's, Wiglaf landed the title role in the popular TV series "Doogie Howser MD". However he was fired during filming of the pilot episode when a deeply ill-advised improvisation saw him snorting a line of cocaine off a co-star's labia minora.
33- Arseholes to this. I'm bored now.
2- Wiglaf's favourite testicle is his left one, even though it's smaller than the right. He thinks the right one is a bit vain and unlikely to stand by him in times of need.
3- Rather than the conventional double-helix, Wiglaf's DNA takes the shape of little hearts. Isn't that sweet?
4- Wiglaf refuses to divulge just how much genital piercing he's had done, but it's suspected that he has the world's first Swiss Army Penis.
5- Wiglaf's favourite foods are lentils, Beef Wellington, juicy red apples, baby owls and grit.
6- Wiglaf's numerous piercings mean that if he was ever fitted with a colostomy bag he could easily be converted into a really impressive bong. Even without the bag, you could still play him like an oboe, though the mouthpiece requires nerves of steel to contemplate.
7- Wiglaf's wheels have been heavily customised over the years, and now feature low-profile tyres, a 7.2 litre V-8 big-block engine, and a shoe shop to attract the laydeez.
8- Early in life, Wiglaf developed a religious vocation but was asked to leave the Seminary after a semantic confusion left him trying to fill the entire building with his gentleman's gel.
9- South of the Mason-Dixon line, the single commonest cause of buildings insurance claims is Wiglaf infestations. Left untreated, the Wiglaf appetite for wood-pulp can cause severe damage to timbers, but the infestation can be halted by distracting them with amputee porn then hitting them with hammers.
10- If Wiglaf was an artistic movement, it would be a deeply baffling one feature huge quantities of gratuitous violence and garam masala.
11- Wiglaf discovered radioactivity, but totally failed to spot its potential and swapped all rights to recognition for a hand-shandy off Marie Curie. He will receive belated credit when the next-discovered element will be named "Wankonium" in his honour.
12- If Wiglaf ever got banned, the collective and synchonised sigh of relief would blow OT so far up the forum listing that it would hover just above the community forum.
13- Wiglaf was born with two left eyes, even though one is situated on the right. A spokesman from "The Lancet" commented "AAAAAAAHH!! KILL IT!!!"
14- Like so many other children of the 70's, Wiglaf's favourite expression is "Spacky bum-bum".
15- As his thighs rub together, Wiglaf refuses to wear corduroy in case the friction makes his legs catch fire.
16- Wiglaf has sired over 40 illegitimate children. He maintains good relations with all of them except number 17, who is the Antichrist.
17- Wiglaf is great.
18- Wiglaf is a huge fan of Broadway show tunes, and can often be found belting out numbers from "Oklahoma" and "West Side Story" like a big, screaming bender. He is Liza Minelli, in the privacy of his own fevered imagination.
19- Wiglaf enjoys hunting, but scorns the use of firearms- he maintains that gentlemen should stick to unarmed combat. Last summer, after a 4-hour chase he succeeded in kicking a caribou in the bollocks. He plans to top that this year by head-butting a squirrel.
20- While dowsers use forked hazel twigs to discover water, it's suspected that, in much the same way, a forked Wiglaf could be used to detect impressionable young ladies who've drunk a bit too much and are getting smutty web-cam ideas.
21- If you put a length of copper pipe up Wiglaf's bumhole, you could use him to pick up short-wave radio signals, or scare children.
22- Wiglaf recently attempted to auction his bum-cherry on e-Bay, but when the reserve price failed to be met he swapped it for a set of novelty coasters. He says they're lovely, and he wasn't exploited in the slightest.
23- Wiglaf's favourite element is Yttrium. He wants to lick it.
24- Carbon-dating tests suggest that Wiglaf is over 8 million years old. Initial claims that he is the missing link were abandoned when it was discovered that, genetically speaking, he's really ****ing strange.
25- Wiglaf like to stuff a video camera down his underpants before exercising vigorously. He then posts the footage on YouTube, claiming it's exclusive film of a vicious attack by frenzied Naked Mole-rats.
26- If you boil Wiglaf in a pressure cooker at a low simmer for several hours, frankly I wouldn't be surprised.
27- In numerology, the cipher of "Wiglaf" translates into a recipe for fudge.
28- It would take 14% less energy to winch Wiglaf to the top of a 4-storey building than it would to fire an apple through a Spaniard.
29- Scientists at the University of Manchester Institute of Science of Technology have spent many years reasearching the question of what sex with Wiglaf would be like. Professor Ingrid Shwartz comments "We've calculated that the experience would be like wrapping your naked body in a luxurious mink robe, inserting vibrating plugs in every orifice, then throwing yourself down a flight of stairs."
30- Wiglaf has the world's largest penis.
31- Oh, hang on. Is that a leg? It is, isn't it? Jesus Christ, boy- what the hell's going on down there? Sorry- disregard number 30.
32- In the mid 80's, Wiglaf landed the title role in the popular TV series "Doogie Howser MD". However he was fired during filming of the pilot episode when a deeply ill-advised improvisation saw him snorting a line of cocaine off a co-star's labia minora.
33- Arseholes to this. I'm bored now.
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