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How We Do Things In Texas
I'll start this off.
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation." The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs .....
"Your card … Show him your card!"
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How to Install a Home Security System in Texas
Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him
up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
Cooter
So this Department of Water Resources representative stops at a Texas ranch and talks with an old rancher. He tells the rancher, "I need to inspect your ranch for your water allocation." The old rancher says, "Okay, but don't go in that field over there." The Water representative says, "Mister, I have the authority of the Federal Government with me. See this card? This card means I am allowed to go WHEREVER I WISH on any agricultural land. No questions asked or answered. Have I made myself clear? Do you understand?" The old rancher nods politely and goes about his chores. Later, the old rancher hears loud screams and spies the Water Rep running for his life and close behind is the rancher's bull. The bull is gaining with every step. The Rep is clearly terrified, so the old rancher immediately throws down his tools, runs to the fence and yells at the top of his lungs .....
"Your card … Show him your card!"
----------------------------------------------------------------------
How to Install a Home Security System in Texas
Go to a second-hand store and buy a pair of used men's work boots, size 14-16.
Put them on your front porch, along with a copy of Guns & Ammo magazine.
Place a few giant dog dishes next to the boots and magazine.
Leave a note on your door that reads:
Hey Bubba,
Big Jim, Duke, Slim, and I went for more ammunition. Back in an hour.
Don't mess with the pit bulls. They attacked the mailman this morning and messed him
up real bad. I don't think Killer took part in it, but it was hard to tell from all the blood.
Anyway, I locked all four of 'em in the house. Better wait outside.
Cooter
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