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To crash a thread with my own relationship crappiness instead of starting my own, I may soon be joining Patroklos in the single section. Just sent the bf an email saying I've been feeling a bit taken for granted and a low priority. While I've emphasized that I don't want this to be the end of the relationship, I've never had much luck with mature discussions in the past.
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Exult in your existence, because that very process has blundered unwittingly on its own negation. Only a small, local negation, to be sure: only one species, and only a minority of that species; but there lies hope. [...] Stand tall, Bipedal Ape. The shark may outswim you, the cheetah outrun you, the swift outfly you, the capuchin outclimb you, the elephant outpower you, the redwood outlast you. But you have the biggest gifts of all: the gift of understanding the ruthlessly cruel process that gave us all existence [and the] gift of revulsion against its implications.
-Richard Dawkins -
You're just a drama queen starchild.
"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark TwainComment
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What was your first clue.Originally posted by Wezil
You're just a drama queen starchild.
Modern man calls walking more quickly in the same direction down the same road “change.”
The world, in the last three hundred years, has not changed except in that sense.
The simple suggestion of a true change scandalizes and terrifies modern man. -Nicolás Gómez DávilaComment
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Wanting children is a huge issue.
Yep. Which is why I don't necessarily think that it's just an "out". It's a very, very big thing and I know relationships that had problems because of that 800 lb elephant (and no, I'm not talking about one of the people in the relationship being the elephant).
“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
- John 13:34-35 (NRSV)Comment
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IMO, if the other person is an elephant, that's a very good reason to end it as well.Resident Filipina Lady Boy Expert.Comment
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Sorry to hear this, Patroklos. Tough situation.
You haven't shared anything about her reaction. Any news there?Apolyton's Grim Reaper 2008, 2010 & 2011
RIP lest we forget... SG (2) and LaFayette -- Civ2 Succession Games Brothers-in-ArmsComment
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Thanks for all the comments/advice guys, sorry I didn't reply but I was just trying to stay away from it for a bit while I thought it out.
She hasn't taken in very well, and I don't blame her. When we first started dating she was the one that made her medical condition clear and that she wasn't planning on getting married again and that kids were not really an option.
Well, I guess she has softened her heart to those options since we have been together. You have to be very tough to get through a transplant, especially when you watch your friends die. She had become so tough she divorced her husband who stuck with her through it. I am not sure why exactly but I can only assume she knew her chances of getting married again were not too great.
I feel like I chipped away at that sternness and maybe rekindled those wants for a family life that she had reconciled herself were not going to happen. But it was that very strong case she made in the beginning that kind of fostered my current doubts now.
I don't know, I am really screwed up now. I mean just hurting her feelings like you do when you break up with anyone is tough, but to maybe change someone’s outlook on their life and then just rip it away again, what kind of monster am I? Now I didn't know I had done this, she was always a very strong and matter of fact type about this. It’s only now when she calls me crying that I realize a lot that was show, or at least has become show over the months. It’s like we have swapped positions, with me being the matter of fact one.
And then I was thinking that maybe I am just being paranoid about the whole thing. Its not like I was about to propose married, I care about her but it was just nowhere near that stage yet. It’s more like I am doing a preemptive strike because it’s been a year and I can see this only getting harder if I let myself care more. But for all I know we could break up over something stupid and far less dramatic a month down the road.
My mind tells me I have already ripped off the bandage and I should just give it time to heal, but I feel like I want to go right back. But then am I going back because I want to relationship wise, or because knowing she is miserable is making me miserable?"The DPRK is still in a state of war with the U.S. It's called a black out." - Che explaining why orbital nightime pictures of NK show few lights. Seriously.Comment
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I don't know, I am really screwed up now. I mean just hurting her feelings like you do when you break up with anyone is tough, but to maybe change someone’s outlook on their life and then just rip it away again, what kind of monster am I? Now I didn't know I had done this, she was always a very strong and matter of fact type about this. It’s only now when she calls me crying that I realize a lot that was show, or at least has become show over the months. It’s like we have swapped positions, with me being the matter of fact one.
Or the other possibility is that she's just telling you what you want to hear right now.
But her calling you crying is not good for either of you at this point. It's just prolonging the pain.“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
- John 13:34-35 (NRSV)Comment
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Ouch. Tough situation.
The hating on the friends thing strikes a real cord with me. My first GF, my first love, did that. It was ultimately impossible to get around. Her not wanting anything to do with any of my friends made my life miserable. There were other issues, but that one was a killer.
The other issue... oh, man. It is a hugely important issue. If you know for sure that you need to have kids to be fulfilled, then you probably did the right thing, harsh as it is. And like I said, the hatin' on the friends thing isn't just a minor problem.
-Arriangrog want tank...Grog Want Tank... GROG WANT TANK!
The trick isn't to break some eggs to make an omelette, it's convincing the eggs to break themselves in order to aspire to omelettehood.Comment
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Yeah... quite frankly, this is IMO a killer no matter what; even if it doesn't matter that much to you. Being in a relationship means accepting the other person - and all that comes with them - and someone who's not willing to accept your friends means they are not willing to accept you, either; they want to accept an imaginary you that they think they can mold. It might just be your friends right now, but it's a sign of things to come, in my opinion.Originally posted by Arrian
Ouch. Tough situation.
The hating on the friends thing strikes a real cord with me. My first GF, my first love, did that. It was ultimately impossible to get around. Her not wanting anything to do with any of my friends made my life miserable. There were other issues, but that one was a killer.<Reverend> IRC is just multiplayer notepad.
I like your SNOOPY POSTER! - While you Wait quote.Comment
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Yeah, that really has been bugging me for a long time.
She is saying that was just a reaction to her thinking I was keeping her at arms length because of the transplant thing. I don't think that is exactly true, I invite her out to everything, but I can see why should would think that because it is obvious I am concerned about the medical issues and have been trying to keep things from getting too serious too fast because of that."The DPRK is still in a state of war with the U.S. It's called a black out." - Che explaining why orbital nightime pictures of NK show few lights. Seriously.Comment
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So I guess you're not well suited for adoption or is there some other reason that you need to create your own genetic offspring instead of taking care of children who need parents and don't have any?Originally posted by Patroklos
Yeah, but our plans for kids was not really a decision as much as a reality, she just can't have them.Christianity: The belief that a cosmic Jewish Zombie who was his own father can make you live forever if you symbolically eat his flesh and telepathically tell him you accept him as your master, so he can remove an evil force from your soul that is present in humanity because a rib-woman was convinced by a talking snake to eat from a magical tree...Comment
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BINGO.someone who's not willing to accept your friends means they are not willing to accept you, either; they want to accept an imaginary you that they think they can mold
-Arriangrog want tank...Grog Want Tank... GROG WANT TANK!
The trick isn't to break some eggs to make an omelette, it's convincing the eggs to break themselves in order to aspire to omelettehood.Comment
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No, I am all about adoption. Even if I have my own kids, I intend to adopt as well at some point.So I guess you're not well suited for adoption or is there some other reason that you need to create your own genetic offspring instead of taking care of children who need parents and don't have any?
However, with her medical conditions and me being in the Navy adoption is not possible. I can leave the Navy but that is just as much a life's goal as having kids, and with the costs of kids and her medical care I wouldn't be able to leave the Navy.
I know she does frown on some of my partying. She gos out, but not as often as I do (or want to, I stay in a lot because of that). I should mention she is four years older than me (31) so we are in different phases of our life in some regards. Its not that drastic, but it is a stressor.someone who's not willing to accept your friends means they are not willing to accept you, either; they want to accept an imaginary you that they think they can moldLast edited by Patroklos; April 29, 2008, 11:23."The DPRK is still in a state of war with the U.S. It's called a black out." - Che explaining why orbital nightime pictures of NK show few lights. Seriously.Comment
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As he pointed out earlier, they probably wouldn't let them adopt as a result of her medical condition (probably wouldn't live much past the first few b-days) and his Naval career.Originally posted by chegitz guevara
So I guess you're not well suited for adoption or is there some other reason that you need to create your own genetic offspring instead of taking care of children who need parents and don't have any?“I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
- John 13:34-35 (NRSV)Comment
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