I just broke up with the GF...

[Patroklos]

...and man do I feel like **** about it.

It was a relationship of just under a year. I have been thinking about doing so for awhile, but today being the morning after I already miss her. I am starting to think my original doubts about the relationship were just me being a jackass and not wanting to comit. I haven't been in a relationship that serious for a long time (7 years), and I guess these fellings are normal after a break up.

I had real politic reasons for ending it, like her constantly hating on all my friends and plans for children and whatnot, but man I miss her already. I thought I would relish the freedom but really but right now I just feel really empty.

I think I might have really screwed up.

[Dinner]

I could turn this into a beat Patty while he's down thread but I'll just say sorry to hear it.

[Spiffor]

Maybe now's the time to find comfort with your friends?

[Wezil]

Originally posted by Oerdin
I could turn this into a beat Patty while he's down thread but I'll just say sorry to hear it.

Sorry Pat. I think it is common to have such regrets shortly afterward (unless the GF was a complete *****).

[Imran Siddiqui]

I had real politic reasons for ending it, like her constantly hating on all my friends and plans for children and whatnot, but man I miss her already.

Well, hating your friends and different plans for children are going to become bigger and bigger issues if it went on.

Of course you miss her and feel bad. But if you had that different plans for kids and if you didn't like her hating on your friends, it almost seemed like you think it wasn't going to work out in the end... so maybe it was better in the end.

[Patroklos]

But if you had that different plans for kids and if you didn't like her hating on your friends, it almost seemed like you think it wasn't going to work out in the end... so maybe it was better in the end.

Yeah, but our plans for kids was not really a decision as much as a reality, she just can't have them. That didn't bother me or her in the beginning when it was just a normal start up relationship that neither of us thought would was going anywhere serious. Unfortunetly it did go somewhere and it was always a dark cloud on the horizon.

There are some other things medical related that put stessors on the relationship.

That makes me feel like even more of an ass though, she can't help her condition and thats the reason I didn't write her off when I met her, she deserves to be able to date and whatnot without being prejudged. We talked about this back before Christmas, how our long term goals didn't match. We decided as long as we were enjoying each other we were fine, but I didn't think I would end up caring as much as I do. I think that was a bad decision, that was a setup for failure.

I didn't realize how much I really cared until she walked out this morning. I am burning to call her her but I need to wait this initial bout of emotions out, and make that decision with a level head. But I don't want to be the ****** who passes over a good woman because of preconcieved notions of how my life should proceed either. She is the first girl who ever told me she loved me, and I didn't say it back because I know it couldn't last in the back of my head.

A sort of "Well don't you know that its a fool who plays it cool, By making his world a little colder" situation maybe? Yeah, thats a gay Beatles quote.

Sorry Pat. I think it is common to have such regrets shortly afterward (unless the GF was a complete *****).

I figured so. It has just been a LONG time since I have been involved so seriously, I forgot how much a breakup sucks. When I was on sea duty I wouldn't let myself get involved, it just wasn't healthy since I was gone so much. But I figured now that I was home I should try.

And she isn't a *****, she is one of the nicest and itelligent people I ever knew, and the only thing worse than my self pity is me knowing I really hurt her as well, even if she undersants why.

[Imran Siddiqui]

That makes me feel like even more of an ass though, she can't help her condition and thats the reason I didn't write her off when I met her, she deserves to be able to date and whatnot without being prejudged.

Well, did you discuss adoption or something? Or any other options? Its one thing if she can't have kids due to a condition, but that doesn't mean kids are totally closed off. Some women who can't have kids don't want them at all, and some are willing to explore other options.

I didn't realize how much I really cared until she walked out this morning. I am burning to call her her but I need to wait this initial bout of emotions out

The best thing for both of you may be some space to think things out. This is right afterwards and you are still thinking with emotion. Still "inside" a relationship mentality instead of looking at it from the "outside". So to speak.

[Patroklos]

Well, did you discuss adoption or something? Or any other options? Its one thing if she can't have kids due to a condition, but that doesn't mean kids are totally closed off. Some women who can't have kids don't want them at all, and some are willing to explore other options.

She is a double lung transplant recipient, cysitc fibrosis. They won't give us an adopted kid because of her condition and because I am in the Navy. I was underway 2 of the last 3 years. I could get out, but the Navy was my dream so that is another balancing act, and my career is definetly the more viable one.

The other major stressor is that double long transplant recitpients have an average life expectancy of 5-10 years afterward. It has been 4 for her, and she is really healthy now, but that can change in an instant because of the flu or phnemonia. All her transplant peers are already dead. She told be that before, but again she was just an awesome girl back then and I didn't think it would get so serious so I didn't worry about it. I was wrong.

The best thing for both of you may be some space to think things out. This is right afterwards and you are still thinking with emotion. Still "inside" a relationship mentality instead of looking at it from the "outside". So to speak.

Yeah, I hear you. The reasons seemed so concrete yesterday, but looking at it now not so much. It is probably my perspective at the moment.

[Imran Siddiqui]

Originally posted by Patroklos
She is a double lung transplant recipient, cysitc fibrosis. They won't give us an adopeted kid because of her condition and because I am in the Navy. I could get out, but the Navy was my dream so that is another balancing act.

The other major stressor is that double long transplant recitpients have an average life expectancy of 5-10 years afterward. It has been 4 for her, and she is really healthy now, but that can change in an instant because of the flu or phnemonia. All her transplant peers are already dead. She told be that before, but again she was just an awesome girl back then and I didn't think it would get so serious so I didn't worry about it. I was wrong.

It may seem a bit cold hearted to you, but these are actual very IMPORTANT things. I mean if you think the breakup hurts, imagine if you got closer and closer and then she got really sick and passed away (it'll still hurt knowing, and I'm not saying it won't).

You want kids at some point and it wouldn't happen with her. That's not selfish. That's not horrible. I mean, you need to be happy with your life.

And while she's a great woman, her life expectancy makes a close relationship very, very difficult. Because you KNOW what's going to happen very, very soon.

That's tough though .

[Patroklos]

It may seem a bit cold hearted to you, but these are actual very IMPORTANT things. I mean if you think the breakup hurts, imagine if you got closer and closer and then she got really sick and passed away (it'll still hurt knowing, and I'm not saying it won't).

Yeah, thats the logic. And honestly I really should have done this months ago but at the same time I really was lost in how great she is. It was stupid letting myself get attached, but relationships often don't follow reason

I did this to myself, no doubt. It still sucks though.

And while she's a great woman, her life expectancy makes a close relationship very, very difficult. Because you KNOW what's going to happen very, very soon.

Yeah, when she was just this hot girl my friend knew who turned to be suprisingly cool, that didn't seem like such a big deal. After spending a year together, it does.

And that is a valid reason to end it, but man it SUCKS.

[Imran Siddiqui]

I know .

But it is really for the best for both of you. You may feel bad about it for a bit. But these are very valid concerns. And it'll be healthier for you in the long run, I think.

[Jon Miller]

I would suggest going back to her and enjoying it while it lasts. Guys don't have the limit age wise that women do in regards to children, and if you are back on shore maybe you can adopt?

But than, I am romantic and I think that staying with her would be the romantic thing to do.

JM
(And also, desires for me in a girlfriend is that she is healthy and desires to have kids... so not saying that my thoughts are any different than yours. I just know what would be best in a story.)

[Ninot]

Re: I just broke up with the GF...

Originally posted by Patroklos
I had real politic reasons for ending it, like her constantly hating on all my friends and plans for children and whatnot, but man I miss her already.

I haven't read anything beyond this point right now, but DON'T GO BACK! This is all the reason you need to dump her.

edit: Ok, I've read the rest of the thread now. I'm sticking by my decision. Yeah, her condition sucks and all, but if you want to have kids and its not going to happen with her, well, its not her fault, but you're eventually going to want it, and feeling bad now won't change that ultimate fact.

And I've just got this huge red flag thing with GFs who don't appreciate friends. You know how the Spice Girls song goes.

[Jon Miller]

In all honesty, I know that a lot of my friends are dicks. It doesn't stop me liking them, and them being my friends. I could understand if someone I dated didn't like many of them.

I can see that as being a problem also though.

JM

[Ninot]

Regardless of if they are dicks or not, you really can't afford to burn bridges with them over 1 person.