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If you have not seen this blog yet, you should. It's hilarious. It's only been around for a few months, but the guy got a book deal from Random House for it.
The list: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpres...e-people-like/
The blog: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
A few of 'em (random!):
The list: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpres...e-people-like/
The blog: http://stuffwhitepeoplelike.wordpress.com/
A few of 'em (random!):
#88: Having Gay Friends
If white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this: black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region.
When choosing gay friends, white people like to base their decision on their own needs and requirements. Younger white people tend to prefer young, social gay people-this is their all important ticket into nightclubs and parties.
When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. “This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess. “
Older white people prefer to be friends with gay parents because it enables their children to experience much needed diversity with people who are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same as them.
It is also worth noting that a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression.
Gay friends are an essential part of a white person’s all-star diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate friend; a gay minority.
It is generally accepted that a gay black friend with a child is considered a once in a lifetime opportunity - like a quarterback who can pass, run, kick, and play linebacker. White people will crawl over each other for the opportunity to claim this person as a friend and add them to their roster of diversity.
Other minorities are also highly prized and assigned a ranking based on the level of intolerance in they face from their respective cultures and family members.
Once a white person has told you about their gay friends, it is recommended that you say “I wish more people were like you,” every few months. This will allow them to feel good about their progressive choice of friends and remind them that they are better than other white people.
If you follow this simple rule, you should be able to maximize all benefits of white friendship including assistance in moving and free drinks.
If white people could draft friends the way that the NFL drafts prospects it would go like this: black friends, gay friends, and then all other minorities would be drafted based on need and rarity to the region.
When choosing gay friends, white people like to base their decision on their own needs and requirements. Younger white people tend to prefer young, social gay people-this is their all important ticket into nightclubs and parties.
When a straight person goes to a gay night club, they are reminded of how progressive and tolerant they are. If they are hit on by a member of the same sex, it provides them with a valuable story that they can use to prove to their other friends that they are more progressive and tolerant. “This guy/girl hit on me, I said I was ’straight but not narrow,’ and it was totally chill. Oh, you went to an Irish bar this weekend? That’s cool, I guess. “
Older white people prefer to be friends with gay parents because it enables their children to experience much needed diversity with people who are, for all intents and purposes, exactly the same as them.
It is also worth noting that a gay friendship of any sort allows white people to feel as though they are a part of the gay rights movement. While white people love being a part of any movement, the gay movement is especially important to them because they can blend in at rallies and protests and spend an afternoon feeling the sting of oppression.
Gay friends are an essential part of a white person’s all-star diversity roster. But they are always on the lookout for the ultimate friend; a gay minority.
It is generally accepted that a gay black friend with a child is considered a once in a lifetime opportunity - like a quarterback who can pass, run, kick, and play linebacker. White people will crawl over each other for the opportunity to claim this person as a friend and add them to their roster of diversity.
Other minorities are also highly prized and assigned a ranking based on the level of intolerance in they face from their respective cultures and family members.
Once a white person has told you about their gay friends, it is recommended that you say “I wish more people were like you,” every few months. This will allow them to feel good about their progressive choice of friends and remind them that they are better than other white people.
If you follow this simple rule, you should be able to maximize all benefits of white friendship including assistance in moving and free drinks.
#34: Architecture
If you ask white people what they love about cities they don’t live in, they will say “restaurants,” “culture,” and “architecture.”
They just can’t get enough of old buildings or ultramodern buildings next to old buildings.
If you want to fit in with white people you need to learn about IM Pei, Frank Lloyd Wright, Frank Gehry, and a whole swath of others. Also, be prepared to say “Bauhaus” a lot.
Once you have the basics down, you should choose a city that people are unlikely to have visited, then make up a name, and choose one of the following a) opera house, b) museum, c) city hall, d) civic center. Then put all together into something like this:
“Geary is good, but I’m more much into the work of D.F. Winterhausen, he designed the new opera house in Podgorica.” Wait for a pause and then say “In Montenegro. Have you never been?”
The white person will be left in stunned silence, reverence and respect.
The reason white people love architecture so much is that deep down they believe that they could have been a great architect. They feel the same way about other professions including: professor, writer, and politician.
Also of note, white people love big books about architecture. So if you need to get one a gift, this always goes over well because it makes them feel smart without having to read too much.
If you ask white people what they love about cities they don’t live in, they will say “restaurants,” “culture,” and “architecture.”
They just can’t get enough of old buildings or ultramodern buildings next to old buildings.
If you want to fit in with white people you need to learn about IM Pei, Frank Lloyd Wright, Frank Gehry, and a whole swath of others. Also, be prepared to say “Bauhaus” a lot.
Once you have the basics down, you should choose a city that people are unlikely to have visited, then make up a name, and choose one of the following a) opera house, b) museum, c) city hall, d) civic center. Then put all together into something like this:
“Geary is good, but I’m more much into the work of D.F. Winterhausen, he designed the new opera house in Podgorica.” Wait for a pause and then say “In Montenegro. Have you never been?”
The white person will be left in stunned silence, reverence and respect.
The reason white people love architecture so much is that deep down they believe that they could have been a great architect. They feel the same way about other professions including: professor, writer, and politician.
Also of note, white people love big books about architecture. So if you need to get one a gift, this always goes over well because it makes them feel smart without having to read too much.
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