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Gold digging
A certain poster wants more cut and paste and news filler. I will strive to make his Poly experience complete.
By IAN SHANLEY
You know, it's a sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his now ex-wife are divorced and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.
Personally, I think it's prosthetic.
And that, my friends, is pun work at its finest.
But the latest in non-prenuptial divorces took place this week, hitting the former Beatle below the money belt. Just four years after he saw her standing there, Heather decided he was gonna lose that girl, and to that end, plotted to squeeze Sir Paul.
"Please, please me," she may or may not have said in court.
Let's see, 48 months of being a temporary McCartney ought to be worth $1 million a month in compensation, right?
Yes, according to a British court, who awarded her that much this week, which reminds me of bad joke No. 2: A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his co-worker, "I'm worthless now, who would ever want a one-legged gold digger?"
His friend says, "Try Paul McCartney."
Back to our story.
Mills originally wanted more. In fact, Eleanor Gimme sought nearly $125 million pounds at the end of their four-year marriage, but was awarded $24.3 million in one of the highest profile celebrity divorce cases in decades.
On this continent, that makes for a $48 million payday.
If I were Paul, I'd be hopping mad, but he can afford it. The "cute Beatle" -- worth about 1.6 billion -- has written the lyrics to literally thousands of songs and apparently is incapable of using the words "prenuptial" and "agreement" in the same sentence.
It's probably worth it to him to pay this amount just to give her a ticket to ride. Sure, things seem all Helter Skelter right now, but I'm sure the taxman will get some of her ill gotten booty back.
I just hope Paul thinks twice the next time he thinks, "I've got to get you into my life" about someone. And, here's an idea: don't go falling for the first former adult nude model that comes along!
I advise him to look here, there, and everywhere. Think about it, Paul. Rehearse it in your head: "Maybe I'll get by with a little help from my friends."
You'll be fine. All you need is love. I hope things are getting so much better all the time. Just go into your studio, and write some new songs to get back to where you once belonged.
Or, you could become a paperback writer and pen a tell-all book about what exactly went on for the past few years.
As for Heather, I guess she doesn't realize the best things in life are free. But you can give them to the birds and bees, she wants money. That's what she wants. And that's what she got.
But wait, do you want to know a secret? At the end of the day, she's the one that looks like the fool on the hill.
My advice, Heather? Lay low with your newfound fortune. After all, you've got to hide your love away. Thanks to you, one of the greatest talents of our time will never be the same.
Not that he's in any kind of hurry to find someone to fill your shoe.
For those of you keeping score, that would be bad joke No. 3.
You know, it's a sad world we live in when Sir Paul McCartney and his now ex-wife are divorced and all anyone seems to want to do is make jokes about her false leg.
Personally, I think it's prosthetic.
And that, my friends, is pun work at its finest.
But the latest in non-prenuptial divorces took place this week, hitting the former Beatle below the money belt. Just four years after he saw her standing there, Heather decided he was gonna lose that girl, and to that end, plotted to squeeze Sir Paul.
"Please, please me," she may or may not have said in court.
Let's see, 48 months of being a temporary McCartney ought to be worth $1 million a month in compensation, right?
Yes, according to a British court, who awarded her that much this week, which reminds me of bad joke No. 2: A miner in Africa has an accident and loses a leg. He says to his co-worker, "I'm worthless now, who would ever want a one-legged gold digger?"
His friend says, "Try Paul McCartney."
Back to our story.
Mills originally wanted more. In fact, Eleanor Gimme sought nearly $125 million pounds at the end of their four-year marriage, but was awarded $24.3 million in one of the highest profile celebrity divorce cases in decades.
On this continent, that makes for a $48 million payday.
If I were Paul, I'd be hopping mad, but he can afford it. The "cute Beatle" -- worth about 1.6 billion -- has written the lyrics to literally thousands of songs and apparently is incapable of using the words "prenuptial" and "agreement" in the same sentence.
It's probably worth it to him to pay this amount just to give her a ticket to ride. Sure, things seem all Helter Skelter right now, but I'm sure the taxman will get some of her ill gotten booty back.
I just hope Paul thinks twice the next time he thinks, "I've got to get you into my life" about someone. And, here's an idea: don't go falling for the first former adult nude model that comes along!
I advise him to look here, there, and everywhere. Think about it, Paul. Rehearse it in your head: "Maybe I'll get by with a little help from my friends."
You'll be fine. All you need is love. I hope things are getting so much better all the time. Just go into your studio, and write some new songs to get back to where you once belonged.
Or, you could become a paperback writer and pen a tell-all book about what exactly went on for the past few years.
As for Heather, I guess she doesn't realize the best things in life are free. But you can give them to the birds and bees, she wants money. That's what she wants. And that's what she got.
But wait, do you want to know a secret? At the end of the day, she's the one that looks like the fool on the hill.
My advice, Heather? Lay low with your newfound fortune. After all, you've got to hide your love away. Thanks to you, one of the greatest talents of our time will never be the same.
Not that he's in any kind of hurry to find someone to fill your shoe.
For those of you keeping score, that would be bad joke No. 3.
It is pretty bad.
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