77-year-old Brit receives "Flatulence ban"

[Dinner]

Flatulence ban for club pensioner


A social club in Devon has banned a 77-year-old man from breaking wind while indoors.

Maurice Fox received a letter from Kirkham Street Sports and Social Club in Paignton asking him to consider his actions, which "disgusted" members.

Mr Fox, a club regular for 20 years, said: "I am happy to oblige them, there is no problem. I do get a bit windy - I am an old fart now."

He said he had to leave the club about three times a night.

In its letter to the retired bus driver, the club said: "After several complaints regarding your continual breaking of wind (farting) while in the club, would you please consider that your actions are considered disgusting to fellow members and visitors.

"You sit close to the front door, so would you please go outside when required. So please take heed of this request."

Mr Fox, who lives in nearby Princess Street, said the letter was a surprise because he had been given no verbal warning.

"I think someone has complained about the noise. I am a loud farter, but there is no smell.

"I do not think it [the letter] is unreasonable, you get ladies in there."

Mr Fox also spends two days a week at the nearby Palace Place club, but said he had no complaints about flatulence there.

The club said there was no one available for comment.

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/devon/7126973.stm

Talk about wasting time on stupid things. Don't they have better things to occupy their time?

[Proteus_MST]

Reminds me of the urban legend about this fat man who was found dead in his bed one morning after he had lived for weeks only on berans and cabbage (because of a diet).
Obviously he died in his sleep because of the gases produced

[BeBMan]

That's the sort of news I really want to read at the BBC

[Japher]

I would frame that letter.

It's almost better than the $.01 tax return

[Zkribbler]

Film at 11.

[Dinner]

Originally posted by Proteus_MST
Reminds me of the urban legend about this fat man who was found dead in his bed one morning after he had lived for weeks only on berans and cabbage (because of a diet).
Obviously he died in his sleep because of the gases produced

In real life I read a newspaper article about a homeless man in died one winter because he taped himself into a small cardboard box and farted himself to death. Of course he likely could have died lack of oxygen just as easily but a death by farts headline was more sensational.

[Wezil]

I'll take the article seriously...

Seems a reasonable approach. Certainly loud farting would be a disturbance to other guests. No big fuss was made. A quiet letter (w/o threats) to preserve what's left of the man's dignity seems a good way to deal with the issue.

As to time spent on it... Isn't it the job of employees to look after the company's business? That's what they were doing.

[Spec]

The fart silencer

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Fart_20Silencer

Fart Silencer
Prevent expanding gases from causing gludius maximus turbulence

OK, ever had to fart somewhere, but it was of such volume that you were scared to let loose in public, because it would be hella loud? Maybe I can't eliminate the odor, but I can make flatulence stealthier.
I first came up with this idea after ordering pizza. In the middle of the pizza was this Barbie-table type plastic disc. It was about 1.5 inches in diameter, with 3 prongs equidistant from each other, sticking out perpendicular to the circular disc. Sick bastard that I am, I thought about ramming it up my annoying friend's a$$hole. Then, it hit me. the idea, not the fart.

Farts result from the flatulence resonating with your butt fat. Butt cheecks are typically large, and are pressed together. The gasses come out, and cause that farting noise. It's like when you replicate it by blowing on the inside of your elbow.

If this device is inserted, the area around the anus will be spread out, and no sound will be emmitted, except the passing gas itself.

Naturally, this disc would be shrunken and designed ergonomically.

An alternative is the tube. Similar to the Anal Catheter idea already on these boards, farts will just pass through the tube. Somehow, the tube will have to make an airtight seal with the anus, so the gas *ONLY* goes through the tube.

Spec.

[b etor]

Originally posted by Spec
The fart silencer

http://www.halfbakery.com/idea/Fart_20Silencer

Spec.

pshhh i can silence my farts without sticking something up my butt.

[Spec]

Its not up, but in between butt cheaks.


Spec.

[Wezil]

Sick bastard that I am, I thought about ramming it up my annoying friend's a$$hole. Then, it hit me. the idea, not the fart.

[b etor]

Originally posted by Spec
Its not up, but in between butt cheaks.


Spec.

OMG. that's why my farts are silent! thongs ftw!

[DinoDoc]

Originally posted by Wezil
A quiet letter (w/o threats) to preserve what's left of the man's dignity seems a good way to deal with the issue.

Dignity? We're talking about someone that saw nothing wrong with regularly cutting the cheese in front of other people at the club. How much dignity can he have?

[Wezil]

key words - "what's left"

That's why a gave a serious response to such an easy to mock topic. Would you like to hang out in a place where this guy goes? It would be a legit business concern I think.

[Starchild]

Its a pensioners' club in Devon. I doubt they have anything better to do than write passive aggressive letters to each other.