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OK. So I won't say difficult as in negative. It's positive. But the way I see things is that ... I work alone, but I do cooperate in larger scale with other research and thus I see this one person daily. Not just daily, but most of the day. So we talk a lot. It's pretty cool, you know I really think we get along well, which is important.
However, our discussions ranges from... professional to sometimes semi-personal. It's kind of personal but very polite, as in there's always these disclaimers we say and apologize for things that do not need to be apologized for. So it's very polite, but that's because it's also personal within professional settings. So I think we're both testing boundaries as to what is still comfortable and what's not.
So basically we talk a lot, go to lunch almost every day and so forth, so a trust has been established. So what I think will be difficult for me is to deal with... basically I think she trusts me to much and it's my fault. Because we have similiar interests and also share information, so we educate each other as well. However my style of doing that might be too personal. As in I often see that something she might ask or say or tell, I follow it up with, "Ok.. and this makes you feel..." and then she says exactly. As in if she has a problem, I think I can see it from multiple angles, and this creates trust. My style also includes to just analyze things so I usually ask how does it make her feel and so on. So I think I have failed in a way, because I think I'm making things too comfortable in a way where I would sort of... give personal advice and make some effort to make sense. So why is this a problem? It isn't. But I think it might lead to a situation where there's too much trust. So I've gotten to know this person pretty good, so I think I'm sometimes like a shrink or something. Not that I've been presented with personal problems or anything like that, but even the way I ... OK if I share information, I make sure that it is understood, so I give examples, personal examples on top of that and then make it into context and let them work it out by asking few questions. Then they're like this and that, but I don't say right or wrong. I just lead them or just ask more questions. This kind of thing would seem like mentoring, and that can be a very personal relationship. Then add personal discussion as well, so not just strictly professional. So I don't know, how should I handle the situation if I think it's getting too... sort of personal? And I know you guys are thinking in a romantic way, but that's not what I mean. But she is exposing her mind a lot to me and notice, I do not do the same back. I just lead, ask questions, I never give a clear answer, just direction and things to think about. So I think that kind of a connection can become too close, because it's like freedom comes with responsibilities. I don't want to be responsible for screwing up someones head or making it too personal. I would be comfortable thinking we're friends, but I wouldn't usually go into someones head like this even with my current friends so I think there's some danger there.
NOT that I'd abuse that information, but that what if she becomes dependent on my advices? That would be akward. Because it's a situation where you know, she can tell me everything or what's on her mind, and I'll listen and give her my perspective on it. You see what I mean? Most couples don't even do that, it's difficult to explain really, but the way I see it is that I'm doing psychoanalysis without the mental problem part. How do I know when to not say anything? At this point it woudl be rude to "I wont' comment on that" or "I feel uncomfortable talking about this", unless it gets super personal. How do I know I have a responsibility to what I say and when I shouldn't give an advice?
However, our discussions ranges from... professional to sometimes semi-personal. It's kind of personal but very polite, as in there's always these disclaimers we say and apologize for things that do not need to be apologized for. So it's very polite, but that's because it's also personal within professional settings. So I think we're both testing boundaries as to what is still comfortable and what's not.
So basically we talk a lot, go to lunch almost every day and so forth, so a trust has been established. So what I think will be difficult for me is to deal with... basically I think she trusts me to much and it's my fault. Because we have similiar interests and also share information, so we educate each other as well. However my style of doing that might be too personal. As in I often see that something she might ask or say or tell, I follow it up with, "Ok.. and this makes you feel..." and then she says exactly. As in if she has a problem, I think I can see it from multiple angles, and this creates trust. My style also includes to just analyze things so I usually ask how does it make her feel and so on. So I think I have failed in a way, because I think I'm making things too comfortable in a way where I would sort of... give personal advice and make some effort to make sense. So why is this a problem? It isn't. But I think it might lead to a situation where there's too much trust. So I've gotten to know this person pretty good, so I think I'm sometimes like a shrink or something. Not that I've been presented with personal problems or anything like that, but even the way I ... OK if I share information, I make sure that it is understood, so I give examples, personal examples on top of that and then make it into context and let them work it out by asking few questions. Then they're like this and that, but I don't say right or wrong. I just lead them or just ask more questions. This kind of thing would seem like mentoring, and that can be a very personal relationship. Then add personal discussion as well, so not just strictly professional. So I don't know, how should I handle the situation if I think it's getting too... sort of personal? And I know you guys are thinking in a romantic way, but that's not what I mean. But she is exposing her mind a lot to me and notice, I do not do the same back. I just lead, ask questions, I never give a clear answer, just direction and things to think about. So I think that kind of a connection can become too close, because it's like freedom comes with responsibilities. I don't want to be responsible for screwing up someones head or making it too personal. I would be comfortable thinking we're friends, but I wouldn't usually go into someones head like this even with my current friends so I think there's some danger there.
NOT that I'd abuse that information, but that what if she becomes dependent on my advices? That would be akward. Because it's a situation where you know, she can tell me everything or what's on her mind, and I'll listen and give her my perspective on it. You see what I mean? Most couples don't even do that, it's difficult to explain really, but the way I see it is that I'm doing psychoanalysis without the mental problem part. How do I know when to not say anything? At this point it woudl be rude to "I wont' comment on that" or "I feel uncomfortable talking about this", unless it gets super personal. How do I know I have a responsibility to what I say and when I shouldn't give an advice?
. But the way I talk is kind of trust enabling, and that's betraying in a way because I'm not an authority, I'm not in the position to be trusted... like I'm not a shrink. That kind of stuff should be between a person and their shrink, not between them and myself. THAT is the problem. And htat's the dependency thing I said earlier.
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