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Uh oh. A "Ban The Banana" movement is afoot.
I don't know what to say, but thought someone should know, so I'll just it leave it for discussion.
Ban the Banana
Concern about community problems is a vital part of American citizenship. Concerned citizens stopped the insanity of nuclear power in the 1970s with the help of experienced organizers. We can do it. Now, however, there is an even more pervasive menace. It affects our children, our, future, our environment, and every one of us. It is the evil banana.
Most people have never thought of the banana as the pure, unmitigated evil that it is. Many are even willing to take the risk of poisoning, falls, and choking, and are blind to the banana’s history. Many do not regard the banana as a threat to their fundamental human rights, as it is. Many people even eat bananas. In the following paragraphs, the banana’s threat to the world as we know it will be shown and its importance will be exposed.
The health risks of the banana are present and intensifying. If a banana is eaten as much as a week before its quite arbitrary “ripeness” date, the victim could die. It is only “ripe” for a few days, and then becomes fatally poisonous again. How so? There is no threshold for banana toxicity. In other words, if three people were fed 15,000 bananas, they would die. If 45,000 people were fed one banana each, three would die from it. This is a basic scientific principle. Furthermore, some people are allergic to bananas. Those people would suffer horrible deaths at the hands of the banana cartels and their governmental handmaidens. The risk is not low, and even if it were, playing roulette with our children’s future is not just irresponsible; it is random, premeditated murder that we expect only from drive-by shooters and Nazis.
Most people have no idea what the banana waste problem is. A scourge of banana parts—inedible even by the proponents’ standards—need to be carefully cleaned off bananas before they are eaten, or even the most “ripe” bananas are fatally poisonous (Your children will all die!). Once this toxic waste is cleaned off, it must be deposited somewhere, along with the contaminated water. Not only is it toxic for millions of years, but it has significant amounts of radioactive potassium. Scientific experiments conducted in 1620—called by many the first modern scientific experiments—concluded that flies are produced by these radioactive toxic wastes. The flies, obviously radioactive themselves and fed on banana residue, mutate and land on everything, spreading toxic waste everywhere. If the flies escape from the waste containers—most banana waste is stored in open boxes before being dumped into our air, water, and ground—certain annihilation will result. Banana waste becomes even more toxic over time, and inevitably enters the food chain. The really insane part is that banana waste is routinely dumped into trash bins and buried in shallow municipal dumps or made into compost, where its demonic effects can leak into the environment and kill.
Throughout history, bananas have symbolized falls, especially the inedible outer banana skin. People slip and fall constantly, resulting in injuries that are sometimes fatal to the elderly and sick. To pollute our environment with such evil is not only anti-democratic but tantamount to murder. Likewise, people who have been lied to by the evil, greedy banana industry into thinking bananas are safe to eat will occasionally choke on the banana. Why risk death—playing roulette with your life—when alternatives to the banana are clearly present? We don’t even need anything provided by the banana—the radioactive, toxic waste arranged into a pulpy, sticklike form and encased in poison. The banana has been evil from the word ‘go’ and to continue its use is pure evil at its worst.
Concern about community problems is a vital part of American citizenship. Concerned citizens stopped the insanity of nuclear power in the 1970s with the help of experienced organizers. We can do it. Now, however, there is an even more pervasive menace. It affects our children, our, future, our environment, and every one of us. It is the evil banana.
Most people have never thought of the banana as the pure, unmitigated evil that it is. Many are even willing to take the risk of poisoning, falls, and choking, and are blind to the banana’s history. Many do not regard the banana as a threat to their fundamental human rights, as it is. Many people even eat bananas. In the following paragraphs, the banana’s threat to the world as we know it will be shown and its importance will be exposed.
The health risks of the banana are present and intensifying. If a banana is eaten as much as a week before its quite arbitrary “ripeness” date, the victim could die. It is only “ripe” for a few days, and then becomes fatally poisonous again. How so? There is no threshold for banana toxicity. In other words, if three people were fed 15,000 bananas, they would die. If 45,000 people were fed one banana each, three would die from it. This is a basic scientific principle. Furthermore, some people are allergic to bananas. Those people would suffer horrible deaths at the hands of the banana cartels and their governmental handmaidens. The risk is not low, and even if it were, playing roulette with our children’s future is not just irresponsible; it is random, premeditated murder that we expect only from drive-by shooters and Nazis.
Most people have no idea what the banana waste problem is. A scourge of banana parts—inedible even by the proponents’ standards—need to be carefully cleaned off bananas before they are eaten, or even the most “ripe” bananas are fatally poisonous (Your children will all die!). Once this toxic waste is cleaned off, it must be deposited somewhere, along with the contaminated water. Not only is it toxic for millions of years, but it has significant amounts of radioactive potassium. Scientific experiments conducted in 1620—called by many the first modern scientific experiments—concluded that flies are produced by these radioactive toxic wastes. The flies, obviously radioactive themselves and fed on banana residue, mutate and land on everything, spreading toxic waste everywhere. If the flies escape from the waste containers—most banana waste is stored in open boxes before being dumped into our air, water, and ground—certain annihilation will result. Banana waste becomes even more toxic over time, and inevitably enters the food chain. The really insane part is that banana waste is routinely dumped into trash bins and buried in shallow municipal dumps or made into compost, where its demonic effects can leak into the environment and kill.
Throughout history, bananas have symbolized falls, especially the inedible outer banana skin. People slip and fall constantly, resulting in injuries that are sometimes fatal to the elderly and sick. To pollute our environment with such evil is not only anti-democratic but tantamount to murder. Likewise, people who have been lied to by the evil, greedy banana industry into thinking bananas are safe to eat will occasionally choke on the banana. Why risk death—playing roulette with your life—when alternatives to the banana are clearly present? We don’t even need anything provided by the banana—the radioactive, toxic waste arranged into a pulpy, sticklike form and encased in poison. The banana has been evil from the word ‘go’ and to continue its use is pure evil at its worst.
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