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  • So you don't believe in evolution...

    This ape is evolving as we speak.

    Activists want chimp declared a 'person'

    By William J. Kole, THE ASSOCIATED PRESS


    VIENNA, Austria - He's now got a human name - Matthew Hiasl Pan - but he's having trouble getting his day in court.

    Animal rights activists campaigning to get Pan, a 26-year-old chimpanzee, legally declared a person vowed Thursday to take their challenge to Austria's Supreme Court after a lower court threw out their latest appeal.


    A provincial judge in the city of Wiener Neustadt dismissed the case earlier this week, ruling that the Vienna-based Association Against Animal Factories had no legal standing to argue on the chimp's behalf.

    The association, which has said it is worried that the shelter caring for the chimp might close, has been pressing to get Pan declared a "person" so a guardian can be appointed to look out for his interests and provide him with a home.

    Group president Martin Balluch insists that Pan is "a being with interests" and accuses the Austrian judicial system of monkeying around.

    "It is astounding how all the courts try to evade the question of personhood of a chimp as much as they can," Balluch said.


    A hearing date for the Supreme Court appeal was not immediately set.

    The legal tussle began in February when the animal shelter where Pan and another chimp, Rosi, have lived for 25 years filed for bankruptcy protection.

    Activists want to ensure the apes don't wind up homeless if the shelter closes. Both were captured as babies in Sierra Leone in 1982 and smuggled in a crate to Austria for use in pharmaceutical experiments. Customs officers intercepted the shipment and turned the chimps over to the shelter.

    Their upkeep costs about C$6,800 a month. Donors have offered to help, but there's a catch: Under Austrian law, only a person can receive personal gifts.

    Organizers could set up a foundation to collect cash for Pan, whose life expectancy in captivity is about 60 years. But they contend that only personhood will give him the basic rights he needs to ensure he isn't sold to someone outside Austria, where he's now protected by strict animal cruelty laws.

    In April, a district court judge rejected a British woman's petition to be declared Pan's legal guardian. That court ruled that the chimp was neither mentally impaired nor in danger, the grounds required for an individual to be appointed a guardian.

    In dismissing the Association Against Animal Factories' appeal this week, the provincial court said only a guardian could appeal. That doesn't apply in this case, the group contends, since Pan hasn't gained a guardian.

    There is legal precedence in Austria for close friends to represent people who have no immediate family, "so he should be represented by his closest friends, as is the case," said Eberhart Theuer, the group's legal adviser.

    "On these grounds we have appealed this decision to the Supreme Court in Vienna," he said.


    Until this summer, the chimp was known simply as Hiasl. However, in the latest court documents, he was identified with a little more dignity - if not humanity - as Matthew Hiasl Pan, with the last name derived from "chimpanzee."

    The Association Against Animal Factories points out that it's not trying to get Pan declared a human, but rather a person, which would give him some kind of legal status.

    Otherwise, he is legally a thing. And with the genetic makeup of chimpanzees and humans so strikingly similar, it contends, that just can't be, it says.

    "The question is: Are chimps things without interests, or persons with interests?" Balluch said.

    "A large section of the public does see chimps as beings with interests," he said. "We are looking forward to hear what the high court has to say on this fundamental question."


    "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
    "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

  • #2
    He can be adopted without...the circus of having him "declared" a human.

    Here, I have this garden slug with me.
    Could you people get together at lunch and maybe think about declaring it a human? Thay way, if anyone steps on it, murder. It's the only way to try and protect this poor slug.
    Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
    "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
    He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

    Comment


    • #3
      Some Austrians appear to have evolved beyond all reason and common sense. Maybe the solution is to award them chimpanzee status instead - or is that being unfair to Matthew?

      And what about the penguins? Hm!?

      Comment


      • #4


        You people just aren't getting into the spirit of this.
        "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
        "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

        Comment


        • #5
          If there's hope for Mr. Matthew Hiasl Pan, then there's hope for many here.
          "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
          "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

          Comment


          • #6
            Yeah. What about penguins? Their neighborhood is going all to hell. Declare them human, put them in welfare housing.
            Last edited by SlowwHand; September 27, 2007, 21:17.
            Life is not measured by the number of breaths you take, but by the moments that take your breath away.
            "Hating America is something best left to Mobius. He is an expert Yank hater.
            He also hates Texans and Australians, he does diversify." ~ Braindead

            Comment


            • #7
              Some Austrians appear to have evolved beyond all reason and common sense. Maybe the solution is to award them chimpanzee status instead - or is that being unfair to Matthew?

              Comment


              • #8
                the Daily Show graphic of evolution, one ape like creature after the next gradually standing upright and at the end of the sequence is a fat guy slouching in a recliner

                Comment


                • #9
                  Group president Martin Balluch insists that Pan is "a being with interests" and accuses the Austrian judicial system of monkeying around.


                  /me cries

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    I'm speechless!

                    No, I just dont know what to say about something so pathetically stupid.
                    We need seperate human-only games for MP/PBEM that dont include the over-simplifications required to have a good AI
                    If any man be thirsty, let him come unto me and drink. Vampire 7:37
                    Just one old soldiers opinion. E Tenebris Lux. Pax quaeritur bello.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by SpencerH
                      I'm speechless!

                      No, I just dont know what to say about something so pathetically stupid.
                      This is completely crazy!
                      No matter where you go, there you are. - Buckaroo Banzai
                      "I played it [Civilization] for three months and then realised I hadn't done any work. In the end, I had to delete all the saved files and smash the CD." Iain Banks, author

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        This nation was once home to a man who declared all people in the world who weren't Germanic supermen as sub-humans to be treated as chattel. Oh how the mighty have fallen.

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          I'm pretty sure chimpanzees are not homo sapiens. correct me if I'm wrong.

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            Originally posted by Dis
                            I'm pretty sure chimpanzees are not homo sapiens. correct me if I'm wrong.
                            Come on. He has a name. He has friends. Apparently he may come into some cash. All he needs is a wife and a job and he's ready for Sunday afternoon football.
                            "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
                            "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              Look, before you judge the poor monkey. Here's how a fromer vice chancellor of Austria applies for a job in Great Britain:

                              http://www.guardian.co.uk/international/story/0,,2178912,00.html
                              As vice-chancellor of Austria and the cabinet minister for technology and transport, Hubert Gorbach grew fond of hobnobbing around the world.

                              But having been out of office and out of work since the start of the year the far-right accomplice of Jörg Haider is kicking his heels in an Alpine village while pondering a fresh start.

                              What's an unemployed politician to do at the age of 51? In Mr Gorbach's case, dust down the official ministerial notepaper, exploit his formidable English language skills, and drop a letter to Britain's chancellor of the exchequer, Alistair Darling, sounding like someone from Boys From the Blackstuff asking "gizza job".

                              Article continues
                              "Dear Alistar [sic]", the letter opens, on franked notepaper bearing the Austrian eagle and the outdated heading Hubert Gorbach, Republic of Austria, Vice-Chancellor, Federal Minister for Transport, Innovation and Technology. Writing from his native Alpine province, Mr Gorbach laments that "the world in Vorarlberg is too small" for his talents.

                              "I considered starting my own business in consulting and lobbying ... that's why I apply to you, my long-time friend ... if you know about any area of operation for myself, where I am able to intend all my experiences and my know-how, please let me know. I am available any time."

                              According to the Viennese media yesterday, the job application was forwarded to Mr Darling via the Austrian embassy in London. The unauthorised use of the government notepaper could carry a fine of several thousand euros. But Mr Gorbach seemed unworried. Everybody does it, he said yesterday.

                              Besides, the job applicant had other priorities. "The most important thing for me," he told Mr Darling, "is that our good contacts will be upright furthermore."



                              So what reason can there be not to declare a chimpanzee a person in my country? I think they have a valid position if they take up this argumentation.
                              "The world is too small in Vorarlberg". Austrian ex-vice-chancellor Hubert Gorbach in a letter to Alistar [sic] Darling, looking for a job...
                              "Let me break this down for you, fresh from algebra II. A 95% chance to win 5 times means a (95*5) chance to win = 475% chance to win." Wiglaf, Court jester or hayseed, you judge.

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