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based on a send-in feature in Israel's leading men's magazine:
picked and translated by yours truly.
picked and translated by yours truly.
- "I love you" uttered during sex doesn't count
- Some guys always manage to score in clubs bathrooms. You are never one of those guys
- Each time you check to see your keyboard is plugged in you'll get the letters d f g h in a row.
- Science can't explain it, but pressing the remote control buttons extra-hard will make it work even if the batteries are dead
- No girl exists that hasn't tried once to reach her own nipple with her tongue
- Whenever a girl wants to turn you down, one of her friends will mysteriously have a birthday.
- Do NOT enter the bathroom after your dad took a dump
- The more religiously pious a girl is, the bigger her rack
- Every hair on your head you permanently lose, regrows inside your ear or on the back of your neck.
- If you can play the guitar and have long hair, you can get any girl in a lefty youth movement.
- No matter how ugly she is, once you suspect she's game, you'll suddenly see positive sides of her.
- Only women have mixed feelings. Men are either 'cool' or mad.
- The "shut doors" button in the elevator is not really attached to anything.
- Your grandma used to be promiscuous once
- There isn't a man alive that didn't get a bonner once just when he was getting ready to get off a bus.
- Any news report about the middle east will feature a person in fatigue jumping through a blazing hoop.
- Every guy once checked if the bath douch-head can reach the ceiling.
- When you're getting off the bus, you'll always take a final peek at the back of the bus, to make sure you haven't missed a fine looking lady.
- When you're abroad, you're always certain scoring local women is gonna be really easy for you
- if you can't tell apart a spoon from a scoop, chances are you're fat
- If a man approaches a mirror just after taking a shower, he'll always stop, disrobe and appreciate himself.
- Cellulite is the body's storehouse for undigested cottage cheese.
- When taking a dump at your friends house, you'll always have terrible indigestion and it'll be the smelliest dump you had in years.
- Whenever you pass by a girl hitchhiker you'll run a script in your head that ends with her going down on you in the car.
- There isn't a man that hasn't whacked off on a memorial or a funeral day once, only to feel ashamed of it for the rest of the day.
- You'll unusually soap your entire body, if you're showering before a date.
- Even when camping on the north pole, the minute you take out your sandwich, a bunch of bees will appear out of nowhere.
- Whenever you bump into your friend with a hot new date, you'll wait for a moment when she's not looking to make a lewd suggestive gesture in her direction
- When you're done cutting toenails off your feet, your hands will always smell funky, but you'll smell them anyway.
- You'll never admit it, but there are at least 2 habits you kicked because they were made fun of in a man's magazine.
- Nothing is more depressing than the urge to take a dump when you just finished a long shower.
- Even when in a hurry, if you pass by a chick parking her car, you'll slow down to see if she hits it.
- Your parents always knew exactly why you locked your room when you were alone.
- Bullies always have bigger scarier big brothers
- if your girl calls you in the middle of whacking off, it is perfectly acceptable to say you were just thinking of her.
- One out of one hundred times, someone will notice when you eat a bugger you just picked from your nose
- Scientists are still puzzled trying to find the perfect volume for watching a porno movie, so that you can hear the dialogue, but won't wake up the neighbours with the screaming.
- Clowns are failed magicians
- You know you're married when you pickup extra paper bags for later use from the grocery store.
- When playing pool, you'll put chalk on the edge of the stick, even though you have no idea what for.
- When you're about to snap with anger, a fly will land on your upper lip
- If it says "from Jenny" you'll open the mail, even though you know it is spam.
- If a girl calls you back and says "I was just in the shower", you can bet your ass she's still half naked.
- Charlie Chaplin really was mute, and screw anyone that claims otherwise.
- No matter how much swearing and violence a rapper has in his song, after winning an award he'll always thank God first.
- The brighter color your underwear, the more motivated you are to wipe well.
- People that should get killed: People that say "well, where was the last place you put it?" when you're looking for something.
- If some large scary dude tells you he just wants to have a word you, he's lying. He's out to hurt you.
- Women in cologne commercials will always have see through nipples.
- Action movie rule of nature: No matter how old and damp is the ancient ruin / pyramid - you can always find enough fuel to light a torch.
- At some point, when you were 5 years old, you stood in the entry to your room and contemplated how can you set up an indian tent.
- Action movie rule of nature: Every movie on a submarine will have a mutiny scene after which the original captain will be locked in his quarters.
- We know what they say about males and thinking, but the fact women have 6 inches less to think with, explains quite a lot.
- People that deserve being killed: Morning people
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