A Question About Dwarves, and What Constitutes Dwarfdom.

[Wezil]

Did you have a bad tossing incident?

[b etor]

no, i've just hated being carried or lifted off the ground by someone since i was a toddler.

[General Ludd]

Dwarfdom has nothing to do with size, it's all about attitude.

[SlowwHand]

Wrong. We're not talking about mental midgets.
We're talking people who have to stand on their tippy toes to drink from a water fountain.

[Proteus_MST]

It´s just a question of choosing the right platform shoes

[b etor]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Wrong. We're not talking about mental midgets.
We're talking people who have to stand on their tippy toes to drink from a water fountain.

not me

[SlowwHand]

Wellll. Welcome back, shrimp.

[Wezil]

Did you hear something Sloww?

[b etor]

duuuuuudes. i'm one of the taller ones in my family.

[Wezil]

They say it runs in families.

Shortness that is.

[SlowwHand]

She's one of the taller ones.
It's all relative, I suppose. Short, tiny, ...

[Straybow]

Dwarf tossing? Do they standardize the weight of the dwarf, like they do for jockeys?

[SlowwHand]

I brought something up about making it an Olympic sport in Sports forum, and I was talking with my daughter later about the idea.
We touched on whether the hold would be mandated. An arm and a leg? By the legs? Freestyle?
What about safety equipment? If supplied to the competitors for standarization, I think the dwarves would have safety equipment.
If it's a bring your own dwarf thing, do you mandate care? I mean it's their dwarf. Maybe aerodynamics, they might choose to not have any.
So mandate, freestyle or both?

[Wezil]

Good questions require good answers.

I did some research.

One of the most outlandish past-times is the uncommonly skilled and unprejudiced pub sport of Dwarf Throwing. Unfortunately for the sport, many of the 'politically correct' people in society are making claims that the name 'Dwarf' is degrading for its sportsmen and that the term 'Dwarf Throwing' should instead be replaced by the more suitable title of 'propelling persons of restricted growth'. The people who actually compete in the sport do not support this political uproar; they simply want to be thrown.

Who Can Play?
Unlike dominoes, this pub sport can be played by anyone, as the need for heavy consumption of alcoholic beverages as preparation purposes is completely optional, but strongly recommended. Both men and women can play and even compete against each other head-to-head. Unfortunately for the men, the women who generally participate tend to have male like qualities. This has meant the customary swapping of shirts at the end of each competition has been scrapped, due to the women's constant complaints that the shirts given to them were always too small and that they wouldn't want to wear the shirt of a 'chauvinist pig who got his kicks throwing persons of restricted growth anyway'.

Large muscles, strong legs and the arbitrary beer belly are the physical secret weapons of a true dwarf-throwing athlete. However, to fully master the sport the athlete must also possess the strength of an ox, the speed of a leopard, the timing of a magician, the patience of a predator and the appearance of a rather large bull sitting on a wasp. In order for 'persons pacified with their horizontally-perpendicular circumstances' to take part in a throwing competition they must always wear full protective clothing. Injury is a serious threat to the career of a Throwing Dwarf who, if on tour, can earn a six-figure sum for allowing people to share in their very specialised field of expertise.

Unlike golf, this is a true spectator's sport worthy of any Olympic games but thanks of the interventions of 'persons who negotiate a humour deficiency' no professional body has been created to globally organise and fund what can only be described as the only sport that promotes an unprejudiced view of society (even though a British Association of Dwarf Throwers does currently exist).

There is more at the site: http://www.minbu.connectfree.co.uk/dwarf.htm

Rules you ask?

Rules for Dwarf Throwing

If a dwarf is thrown through a glass window or glass door, he must wear gloves and a suitable mask.

If a dwarf is thrown through a burning hoop, extinguishers must be provided.

If a dwarf is thrown down a well, the organizers must ensure that the bottom of the well is dry, and is covered by leaves to a depth of three inches..

If a dwarf is to be thrown across the path of an oncoming train, the thrower must previously satisfy the organizers that he bears no personal malice against the throwee.

If a dwarf is thrown into a pond or river, he must wear a wetsuit and need not be tightly bound.

If dwarfs are thrown at night, they may be painted with phosphorescent paint, so that the point of impact may be clearly seen.

If a dwarf refuses to be bound in the usual way before throwing, he may be put in a straitjacket of the requisite size.

If a dwarf utters any sound whatsoever, either in flight or at the moment of impact, the throw will be disqualified.

If a jockey impersonates a dwarf and wins a competition because his light weight allows him to be thrown farthest, he will be liable to a fine of £1000 or three years imprisonment.

It is strictly forbidden in dwarf-throwing literature and publicity, to refer to dwarfs as 'persons of restricted growth' or 'small people'.

[Omni Rex Draconis]

Originally posted by Wezil
I was the shortest kid in my class all through school until about Grade 11.

No, it was until the beginning of Grade 9. Don't you recall having a fight about it?



Dwarves may be the future of humanity.

Don't laugh. The reason people (OK, some people) toss dwarves is not because they are short. They do it because dwarves are light. Someone half your height is, proportionally speaking, an eighth of your weight.

Soon, our species will be spreading into an entirely novel environment - zero gee. No longer will we need to develop huge muscles to fight off the unrelenting grip of our mother Earth. With our space habitations being predator (and Predator) free, there is no need for much muscle at all.

Smaller mass means consuming less of precious resources - food, water, and oxygen. Tight quarters for you is pretty roomy for someone only one meter tall.

Lugging about the giants of today will not be economical. Putting all Trekkie optimism aside, mass will always be at a premium for any journey through space. So why settle for a solo mission when you can bring an entire crew of space dwarves?

The key to our future reduction is manifestly present in our genetic code, and the superior qualities of the dwarf are irrefutable.

And I for one welcome our new dwarf overlords!