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  • Who here doesn't like beavers?

    Excuse my stupid 8th grader humor, but this is the most idiotic story ever, with possibly best quotes in human history.



    Colorado woman embraces beavers, champions nature's engineers

    By Jason Blevins
    Denver Post Staff Writer
    Article Last Updated: 09/05/2007 10:29:39 AM MDT

    Wetmore - Bubba smells funky.

    It's no wonder. The two caged beavers in the back seat of Sherri Tippie's aging red Isuzu Trooper - affectionately named Bubba - are awash in their own dank musk as ice bags drip down their backs.

    "I love that smell. Don't you just love it? Nothing smells better to me," says Sherri Tippie, inhaling deeply. "I was born for beavers."

    As Colorado's lone licensed live trapper and relocator of beavers, the opinionated part-time jail barber from Lakewood has become a legend among beaver lovers. For 22 years, she has battled stereotypes - and centuries of history - that paint beavers as water-hoarding pests worth more as soft hats than wild animals. Tippie has relocated several hundred, maybe even a thousand of the industrious, family-centric creatures.

    She traps the engineering animals in metro Denver's urban streams and releases them in rural areas where their labor is appreciated for creating wetlands, raising water tables, restoring silty top soil and cleaning water.

    "We need to change people's perceptions," Tippie says, slapping her leg in frustration. "Too many people today have a golf-course mentality. Water goes here. Flowers here. Grass here. Trees there. It goes against nature. We've spent too long working against nature."

    And her beloved beavers, she says, support "nature's dance."


    Sherri smooching a wet dripping beaver


    "When people complain about beavers, they don't know enough about them," she says, nearly screaming over the din of Bubba's laboring engine. "They are the most important wilderness species out there and they are the most degraded. If you want to control the beaver, control their food supply. It's as simple as wrapping trees."

    After a three-hour haul from Denver to south-central Colorado's Wet Mountain Valley, Tippie and longtime volunteer Dick Northrup lug the dripping beaver cages down the steep banks of the south fork of Hardscrabble Creek near Wetmore. She upends the cages and reaches inside, groping the docile creatures to determine their gender.

    Gretchen Holschuh is obviously impressed. Or maybe she's a tad uncomfortable with Tippie's fearless fondling of the wild animals. The wildlife manager for the Pueblo West District declines Tippie's invitation to scratch the beavers.

    Tippie lifts them out of the cage and embraces them like a doting mother, even smooching the heads of the 40-pound creatures that appear to be canoodling back. Then she drops them to the ground and the beavers scamper into their new watery home.

    "It's really neat to see the enthusiasm for beaver because most people view them as such a nuisance, even some of us in the division," Holschuh says, admitting that her organization is often too quick to issue a 30-day trap-and-kill permit to landowners struggling with beaver impoundments.

    In 2005, the division issued 102 30-day trapping permits. But a growing number of ranchers, like the alfalfa farmer on the south fork of Hardscrabble Creek who called the division bemoaning a lack of beavers upstream, are discovering how beavers can be assets.

    "Properly managed, beavers can be a great thing," said Eric Adams, executive director of the nonprofit and educational MacGregor Ranch near Estes Park, where Tippie has delivered the animals.

    "Beavers slow the water down, which lets it soak into the river bank. They have allowed new growth of aspen trees, which act like gigantic sponges underground for water storage."

    Converting suburbanites

    The pair of beavers released above Wetmore - numbers 30 and 31, and likely the last for Tippie this season - came from Left Hand Ditch north of Boulder. Homeowners adjacent to the ditch saw the telltale signs of the annual beaver gathering and quickly called Tippie before the ditch company arrived with beaver-busting backhoes, just as it had the previous two years.

    Wearing her faded "Beaver Believers" T-shirt, Tippie arrives at the home of Diane and Doug Seitz in a new community near Niwot. She delivers hugs to the family before heading into the backyard.

    "The ditch company obviously has the right to do away with the beaver," says Diane Seitz. "But we are trying to teach our daughter that just because they have the right to kill, it's not the right thing to do."

    Fannypacks dangling and sneakers laced tight, Tippie and volunteer Chris Gasser wade into the ditch and snip green limbs of cottonwood and willow. They thread the wisps of green through the suitcase traps and smear castoreum, a musky beaver-gland secretion Tippie reluctantly buys from kill trappers, on the traps' triggers. They anchor the traps on shore, carefully lashing each halfway above the water near a freshly gnawed stump.

    Leslie Seitz, a giddy 9-year-old on her way to her first day of school, is ecstatic to finally meet the family that has been building in her backyard. Neighbors stop by and stroke the beaver bellies at Tippie's behest. She playfully slaps a neighbor who mutters aloud that the soft, silky fur would make a nice coat.

    A few more converts in Tippie's crusade.


    a gang of strangers petting a thoroughly restrained beaver



    "I get the feeling Sherri is capable of feeling like a beaver," says Alex Hiller, who has twice traveled from his home in southern Germany to train as a live trapper under Tippie. "Sherri always acts for beavers first."

    Indeed, Tippie is biocentric. She believes all life is valuable and equal to that of humans, particularly the beaver. Her bright blue eyes can quickly turn choleric, her voice a scream, her language coarse, when her attention turns to anything that can be construed as cruelty to animals.

    "The only creatures we need to be actively managing are humans," she says, those eyes raging. "This world has a carrying capacity for humans, you know."

    It started on a golf course

    It all began in 1985 when the hairdresser and dance teacher saw a television news clip about Aurora wildlife officials killing beavers that were felling trees on a golf course.

    "I'd never even seen a beaver. Never thought of a beaver," she says.

    But she went down to the Aurora Division of Wildlife offices and asked to borrow their traps. An officer haughtily handed over two new ones, still in their boxes. He was too busy to show her how they worked.

    "I think they thought that once I did it and saw how much work it was, I wouldn't want to do it anymore," she says.

    They were wrong. She learned how to work the traps' stiff steel springs in her Capitol Hill apartment and by the next morning she was cuddling her first beavers. Her life was forever changed. Today, aside from a Saturday job trimming inmate hair at the Arapahoe County Jail, her sole work is fighting for beavers.

    Soon after delivering those first Aurora beavers to Rocky Mountain National Park, Tippie found herself one of the nation's leading live trappers and relocators of beavers. Today, the group she formed in 1987, Wildlife 2000, is one of the few resources for anyone seeking an option beyond killing dam-building beavers.

    She travels the West, speaking to groups and advocating live trapping. She promotes wrapping trees to control a beaver colony's food supply. She installs steel cages over culverts where beavers like to build their lodges and dams, allowing a beaver family to thrive without disrupting water flow. She shows devices known as "beaver deceivers" - pipes snaked beneath a beaver dam allowing water to continue moving downstream while leaving the beaver pond intact.

    After trapping her beavers, she rushes them to beaver-savvy ranchers and public land managers across the state. In the winter, she lines up homes for her beavers long before she sets her first traps in late June.

    Tippie's fight for the beaver rakes against history. French beaver trappers forged the American West. Beaver pelts anchored this fledgling country's economy after demand for soft beaver hats soared in Europe, where the animals were trapped into near extinction in the early 1700s.

    The history stacked against beavers and the ingrained mindset toward trapping and killing the animals does not faze Tippie. One beaver at a time, and one person at a time, she pursues a new world where beavers and people coexist happily.

    "She has a big history up in this valley," Holschuh says, describing the stories of Tippie hauling beavers on mules deep into the Sangre de Christo range. "If people like Sherri would come and educate us, we could really do some good for the environment up here."
    I want that "Beaver Believers" T-Shirt
    25
    I'm quite fond of beavers :naughty:
    84.00%
    21
    I don't like beavers as much :q:
    8.00%
    2
    I prefer bananas :o
    8.00%
    2
    Last edited by Sirotnikov; September 12, 2007, 14:28.

  • #2
    This is a copy of an actual letter sent to Ryan DeVries, from the
    Michigan Department of Environmental Quality, State of Michigan. Wait
    till you read this guy's response - but read the entire letter before
    you get to the response.

    Mr. Ryan DeVries
    2088 Dagget
    Pierson, MI 49339
    SUBJECT: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;

    Site Location: Montcalm County

    Dear Mr. DeVries:

    It has come to the attention of the Department of Environmental Quality
    that there has been recent unauthorized activity on the above referenced
    parcel of property. You have been certified as the legal landowner
    and/or contractor who did the following unauthorized activity:

    Construction and maintenance of two wood debris dams across the outlet
    stream of Spring Pond.

    A permit must be issued prior to the start of this type of activity. A
    review of the Department's files shows that no permits have been issued.

    Therefore, the Department has determined that this activity is in
    violation of Part 301, Inland Lakes and Streams, of the Natural Resource
    and Environmental Protection Act, Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994,
    being sections 324.30101 to 324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws
    annotated.

    The Department has been informed that one or both of the dams partially
    failed during a recent rain event, causing debris and flooding at
    downstream locations. We find that dams of this nature are inherently
    hazardous and cannot be permitted.

    The Department therefore orders you to cease and desist all activities
    at this location, and to restore the stream to a free-flow condition by
    removing all wood and brush forming the dams from the stream channel.
    All restoration work shall be completed no later than January 31, 2002.

    Please notify this office when the restoration has been completed so
    that a follow-up site inspection may be scheduled by our staff. Failure
    to comply with this request or any further unauthorized activity on the
    site may result in this case being referred for elevated enforcement
    action.

    We anticipate and would appreciate your full cooperation in this matter.
    Please feel free to contact me at this office if you have any questions.

    Sincerely,
    David L. Price
    District Representative
    Land and Water Management Division
    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

    RESPONSE:

    Dear Mr. Price,

    Re: DEQ File No. 97-59-0023; T11N; R10W, Sec. 20;
    Montcalm County

    Reference your certified letter dated 12/17/2000 has been referred to me
    to respond to. First of all, Mr. Ryan De Vries is not the legal
    landowner and/or contractor at 2088 Dagget, Pierson, Michigan.

    I am the legal owner and a couple of beavers are in the (State
    unauthorized) process of constructing and maintaining two wood "debris"
    dams across the outlet stream of my Spring Pond.

    While I did not pay for, authorize, nor supervise their dam project, I
    think they would be highly offended that you call their skillful use of
    natural building materials "debris." I would like to challenge your
    department to attempt to emulate their dam project any time and/or any
    place you choose. I believe I can safely state there is no way you could
    ever match their dam skills, their dam resourcefulness, their dam
    ingenuity, their dam persistence, their dam determination and/or their
    dam work ethic.

    As to your request, I do not think the beavers are aware that they must
    first fill out a dam permit prior to the start of this type of dam
    activity. My first dam question to you is:
    (1) Are you trying to discriminate against my Spring Pond Beavers? or,
    (2) do you require all beavers throughout this State to conform to said
    dam request?

    If you are not discriminating against these particular beavers, through
    the Freedom of Information Act I request completed copies of all those
    other applicable beaver dam permits that have been issued. Perhaps we
    will see if there really is a dam violation of P! art 301, Inland Lakes
    and Streams, of the Natural Resource and Environmental Protection Act,
    Act 451 of the Public Acts of 1994, being sections 324.3010,1 to
    324.30113 of the Michigan Compiled Laws, annotated. I have several
    concerns. My first concern is aren't the beavers entitled to legal
    representation?

    The Spring Pond Beavers are financially destitute and are unable to pay
    for said representation - so the State will have to provide them with a
    lawyer.

    The Department's dam concern that either one or both of the dams failed
    during a recent rain event causing flooding is proof that this is a
    natural occurrence, which the Department is required to protect. In
    other words, we should leave the Spring Pond Beavers alone rather than
    harrass them and call their dam names. If you want the stream "restored"
    to a dam free-flow condition - please contact the beavers - but if you
    are going to arrest them they obviously did not pay any attention to
    your dam letter (being unable to read English).

    In my humble ! opinion, the Spring Pond Beavers have a right to build
    their unauthorized dams as long as the sky is blue, the grass is green
    and water flows downstream. They have more dam right than I do to live
    and enjoy Spring Pond. If the Department of Natural Resources and
    Environmental Protection lives up to its name, it should protect the
    natural resources
    (Beavers) and the environment (Beavers' Dams).

    So, as far as the beavers and I are concerned, this dam case can be
    referred for more elevated enforcement action right now. Why wait until
    1/31/2002 The Spring Pond Beavers may be under the dam ice then, and
    there will be no way for you or your dam staff to contact/harass them
    then.

    In conclusion, I would like to bring to your attention a real
    environmental quality (health) problem in the area. It is the bears.
    Bears are actually defecating in our woods. I definitely believe you
    should be persecuting the defecating bears and leave the beavers alone.

    If you are going to investigate the beaver dam, watch your step! (The
    bears are not careful where they dump!)

    Being unable to comply with your dam request, and being unable to
    contact you on your answering machine, I am sending this response to
    your office via another government organization - the USPS. Maybe,
    someday, it will get there.

    Sincerely,
    Stephen L. Tvedten
    The University of Texas at: Austin
    Office Community Relations/Accounting unit
    P.O. Box 7367
    Austin, TX 78713
    THEY!!111 OMG WTF LOL LET DA NOMADS AND TEH S3D3NTARY PEOPLA BOTH MAEK BITER AXP3REINCES
    AND TEH GRAAT SINS OF THERE [DOCTRINAL] INOVATIONS BQU3ATH3D SMAL
    AND!!1!11!!! LOL JUST IN CAES A DISPUTANT CALS U 2 DISPUT3 ABOUT THEYRE CLAMES
    DO NOT THAN DISPUT3 ON THEM 3XCAPT BY WAY OF AN 3XTARNAL DISPUTA!!!!11!! WTF

    Comment


    • #3


      when I saw that, I thought the same thing

      edit: make it happen

      Shop Us gifts for every occasion at Spreadshirt ✓ Browse Us designs on T-shirts Hoodies Accessories & more ✓ Customize it today!
      Monkey!!!

      Comment


      • #4
        I shall read later, but just to share, anyone who knows anything about old Gramps knows he just loves and supports da wet beaver, heck, i been know to kiss several wet beavers a day back when I was trapping 'em

        Of course, I got my own now and well, still livin la Vida Loca with the lovely, slick haired and smelly wet beavers, as she said and I concur, I love em in the back seat nice and wet
        Hi, I'm RAH and I'm a Benaholic.-rah

        Comment


        • #5
          Beavers
          “I give you a new commandment, that you love one another. Just as I have loved you, you also should love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you have love for one another.”
          - John 13:34-35 (NRSV)

          Comment


          • #6
            That's a big beaver.
            "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
            "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

            Comment


            • #7
              "Nice Beaver."
              "Thanks. I just had it stuffed."
              Monkey!!!

              Comment


              • #8
                Beavers have been good to me.
                Long time member @ Apolyton
                Civilization player since the dawn of time

                Comment


                • #9
                  Have you been good to beavers?
                  "I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure." - Clarence Darrow
                  "I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it." - Mark Twain

                  Comment


                  • #10
                    Originally posted by Japher
                    "Nice Beaver."
                    "Thanks. I just had it stuffed."
                    damn you!!! the exact same thing I was going to post.

                    Comment


                    • #11
                      Originally posted by Dis


                      damn you!!! the exact same thing I was going to post.
                      or even before that, the previous tentant that PWND dat thang, told his lil sweet beaver when he first met her,

                      "Im gonna love ya just like a sister...only different

                      Hi, I'm RAH and I'm a Benaholic.-rah

                      Comment


                      • #12
                        Originally posted by Dis


                        damn you!!! the exact same thing I was going to post.
                        Yeah, me too
                        Within weeks they'll be re-opening the shipyards
                        And notifying the next of kin
                        Once again...

                        Comment


                        • #13
                          Wynona's got herself a big brown beaver
                          and she shows it off to all her friends.
                          One day, you know, that beaver tried to leave her,
                          So she caged him up with cyclone fence.
                          Along came Lou with the old baboon
                          And said "Recognize that smell?"
                          "Smells like seven layers,
                          That beaver eats Taco Bell."
                          Now Rex he was a Texan out of New Orleans
                          And he travelled with the carnival shows.
                          He ran bumper cars, sucked cheap cigars
                          And he candied up his nose.
                          He got wind of the big brown beaver
                          So he though he'd take himself a peek,
                          But the beaver was quick
                          And grabbed him by the kiwis.
                          Now he ain't pissed for a week.
                          (And a half!)
                          Now Wynona took her big brown beaver,
                          And she stuck him up in the air.
                          Said "I sure do love this big brown beaver
                          And I wish I did have a pair."
                          Now the beaver onces slept for seven days
                          And it gave us all an awful fright.
                          So I tickled his chin and I gave him a pinch
                          And the bastard tried to bite me.
                          Wynona loved her big brown beaver
                          And she stroked him all the time.
                          She pricked her finger one day and it
                          Occurred to her she might have a porcupine.

                          Monkey!!!

                          Comment


                          • #14
                            HEEEEEEEEE hee hee hee.
                            Those who would give up Essential Liberty to purchase a little Temporary Safety, deserve neither Liberty nor Safety. - Ben Franklin
                            Iain Banks missed deadline due to Civ | The eyes are the groin of the head. - Dwight Schrute.
                            One more turn .... One more turn .... | WWTSD

                            Comment


                            • #15
                              I assumed this would be about the HSM actress' pictures.
                              "Yay Apoc!!!!!!!" - bipolarbear
                              "At least there were some thoughts went into Apocalypse." - Urban Ranger
                              "Apocalype was a great game." - DrSpike
                              "In Apoc, I had one soldier who lasted through the entire game... was pretty cool. I like apoc for that reason, the soldiers are a bit more 'personal'." - General Ludd

                              Comment

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