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In Memoriam: Weekly World News Dies At 28
"World's Most Reliable Newspaper" Stops Printing -- Decrease In Elvis Sightings Expected
(AP) Blame microscopic alien vampires, or the general shift in media away from papers, but the Weekly World News tabloid will soon only be available online. For the past 28 years, shoppers across America, including the author of this blog, have long enjoyed their fascinating take on reality. Now, like a saucer in the night, it's gone with little or no explanation!
Personally I'm madder than a teetotaler at Oktoberfest! But despite my angst, starting Aug. 27, readers will have to trade ink stains for carpal tunnel syndrome in order to get their fix of the weird, wacky and wonderful. And while conspiracy theorists may blame the CIA for killing off the only paper that covered it honestly, it appears that the Weekly World News is another victim of an industrywide downward trend.
And so, in light of this alarming, shocking and terrifying news, I thought it would be fun to put together a list of my favorite WWN headlines from over the years. Readers are encouraged to add their own (National Enquirer stories NOT allowed!) or share memories from the past three decades of slow-moving checkout lines.
10) "The Moon is Made of Green Cheese But -- WHAT ABOUT MARS?"
9)"Man Poses as CPR Dummy To Meet Women"
8)"Mother Nature Endorses Gore for President"
7)"Astronomer Rebuked For Endless Staring into Space"
6)"Man Marries Computer -- Becomes Gigamist"
5)"Seeing Eye Squirrels For Blind Dogs"
4)"TRUCKER ABDUCTED -- RETURNS WITH ALIEN PROSTATE!"
3)"Tiny Terrorists Disguised As Garden Gnomes"
2)"Shopping Mall Where Lions Work As Security Guards"
1)"Vegan Vampire Attacks Trees"
"World's Most Reliable Newspaper" Stops Printing -- Decrease In Elvis Sightings Expected
(AP) Blame microscopic alien vampires, or the general shift in media away from papers, but the Weekly World News tabloid will soon only be available online. For the past 28 years, shoppers across America, including the author of this blog, have long enjoyed their fascinating take on reality. Now, like a saucer in the night, it's gone with little or no explanation!
Personally I'm madder than a teetotaler at Oktoberfest! But despite my angst, starting Aug. 27, readers will have to trade ink stains for carpal tunnel syndrome in order to get their fix of the weird, wacky and wonderful. And while conspiracy theorists may blame the CIA for killing off the only paper that covered it honestly, it appears that the Weekly World News is another victim of an industrywide downward trend.
And so, in light of this alarming, shocking and terrifying news, I thought it would be fun to put together a list of my favorite WWN headlines from over the years. Readers are encouraged to add their own (National Enquirer stories NOT allowed!) or share memories from the past three decades of slow-moving checkout lines.
10) "The Moon is Made of Green Cheese But -- WHAT ABOUT MARS?"
9)"Man Poses as CPR Dummy To Meet Women"
8)"Mother Nature Endorses Gore for President"
7)"Astronomer Rebuked For Endless Staring into Space"
6)"Man Marries Computer -- Becomes Gigamist"
5)"Seeing Eye Squirrels For Blind Dogs"
4)"TRUCKER ABDUCTED -- RETURNS WITH ALIEN PROSTATE!"
3)"Tiny Terrorists Disguised As Garden Gnomes"
2)"Shopping Mall Where Lions Work As Security Guards"
1)"Vegan Vampire Attacks Trees"
Americans are mostly asleep right now, so for those who don't know it: The Weekly World News was the thoroughly disreputable sister publication of the National Enquirer, utilizing the Enquirer's old black-and-white press to print hilarious, mock-serious stories of the bizarre and supernatural. Like the old Batman tv series, it was a ridiculous artifact and a brilliant parody of itself all at once.
Rotating WWN stories decorated my dorm room doors throughout college, and my public appreciation of it earned me at least one lifelong friend among the Ed Anger- and Batboy-loving cognizati. So long, old friend; see you on-line, I guess.
ACK!
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