My Commencement

[Elok]

I graduated from Washington College this past sunday (yay, now I get to hunt desperately for a job!). We had one of the lamest keynote speeches ever. It was given by pioneering ecologist Wes Jackson, who apparently popularized the word "sustainability." I wouldn't know, I'm not an environmentalist. But Dr. Jackson spent forty-five minutes or so telling us we were doomed. At our graduation.

"We're running out of fuel, ethanol is not a practical solution, we have to cut back on consumption drastically, and anyone who tries to sound optimistic or skeptical about the coming shortages is a lying traitor to humanity." That was the gist of it, though he went on a number of tangents. He supported it with lots of statistics about gas consumption through the years and told us we were facing the biggest crisis in human history. He tacked on a few mentions of global warming for good measure, but mostly he gave a dissertation on the history of energy use and the coming collapse of our way of life.

I'm not contesting the truth of his claims here; what made it so terrible was the length of the speech and the fact that it was supposed to be a CHEERFUL occasion, dagnabit. He could at least have emphasized our potential to change the world for the better, etc. Has anyone here encountered a less appropriate speech, at a commencement or otherwise?

[Grandpa Troll]

Maybe he was trying to share a dose of reality with young impressionable "cheerful" graduates before you become old crusty codgers who cant be reached?

Gramps

[LordShiva]

"WTF" is not appropriate for a thread title

[BeBMan]

Congrats, but you're doomed

[Elok]

Originally posted by Grandpa Troll
Maybe he was trying to share a dose of reality with young impressionable "cheerful" graduates before you become old crusty codgers who cant be reached?

Gramps

Well, that would be a great idea. Tell you what, the next time one of your grandkids has a birthday I'll come and lecture the crowd about the number of people dying in Darfur. Howzat?

[Zkribbler]

I'm not contesting the truth of his claims here; what made it so terrible was the length of the speech and the fact that it was supposed to be a CHEERFUL occasion, dagnabit. He could at least have emphasized our potential to change the world for the better, etc. Has anyone here encountered a less appropriate speech, at a commencement or otherwise?

I agree with you whole heartedly. The guy was a jerk.

[DanS]

Re: My WTF Commencement

Originally posted by Elok
I'm not contesting the truth of his claims here; what made it so terrible was the length of the speech and the fact that it was supposed to be a CHEERFUL occasion, dagnabit. He could at least have emphasized our potential to change the world for the better, etc.

What really makes it worse is that you paid this idiot to give you the speech.

[Ming]

Originally posted by LordShiva
"WTF" is not appropriate for a thread title

True enough... and that's why i edited it

[Apocalypse]

Better than Tim Kaine, who spent my commencement talking about the Virginia public education system...to the boredom of me and the other out of staters.

Especially bad since they dropped the ball on getting Tom Hanks and Arnie.

[MRT144]

Re: My WTF Commencement

Originally posted by Elok
I graduated from Washington College this past sunday (yay, now I get to hunt desperately for a job!). We had one of the lamest keynote speeches ever. It was given by pioneering ecologist Wes Jackson, who apparently popularized the word "sustainability." I wouldn't know, I'm not an environmentalist. But Dr. Jackson spent forty-five minutes or so telling us we were doomed. At our graduation.

"We're running out of fuel, ethanol is not a practical solution, we have to cut back on consumption drastically, and anyone who tries to sound optimistic or skeptical about the coming shortages is a lying traitor to humanity." That was the gist of it, though he went on a number of tangents. He supported it with lots of statistics about gas consumption through the years and told us we were facing the biggest crisis in human history. He tacked on a few mentions of global warming for good measure, but mostly he gave a dissertation on the history of energy use and the coming collapse of our way of life.

I'm not contesting the truth of his claims here; what made it so terrible was the length of the speech and the fact that it was supposed to be a CHEERFUL occasion, dagnabit. He could at least have emphasized our potential to change the world for the better, etc. Has anyone here encountered a less appropriate speech, at a commencement or otherwise?

I would have yelled, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! THIS IS A GRADUATION NOT A SEMINAR!"

at least Kansas' "dust in the wind" wasnt the commencment song./

[Grandpa Troll]

Originally posted by Elok


Well, that would be a great idea. Tell you what, the next time one of your grandkids has a birthday I'll come and lecture the crowd about the number of people dying in Darfur. Howzat?

so your saying your a child and should keep the topic on sunny days and warm fuzzy blankies, cartoons, sponge bob square pants and tootsie pops?

My grandchildren haven't just graduated a major university.

You did.

Welcome to the real world, and good thing for you, now you dont have to listen to folks whom have gone before you and quite possibly know a thing or two about real world versus the studying-to-be in the real world

Gramps

[SlowwHand]

Re: Re: My WTF Commencement

Originally posted by MRT144


I would have yelled, "WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT! THIS IS A GRADUATION NOT A SEMINAR!"

at least Kansas' "dust in the wind" wasnt the commencment song./

That would have really crossed the line.

[Zkribbler]

In light of:

But Dr. Jackson spent forty-five minutes or so telling us we were doomed.

...a more appropriate reaction would be to arise 20-25 minutes into the speech, wail, "Oh my god! We're all doomed! Everything we've done is for naught! It's over! It's all over!!" Then cover your eyes and flee weeping up the aisle and out of the commencement.

[Grandpa Troll]

Originally posted by Zkribbler
In light of:



...a more appropriate reaction would be to arise 20-25 minutes into the speech, wail, "Oh my god! We're all doomed! Everything we've done is for naught! It's over! It's all over!!" Then cover your eyes and flee weeping up the aisle and out of the commencement.

yeah

kinda like Tim Matheson did in Animal House

[Odin]

Re: My WTF Commencement

Originally posted by Elok

"...and anyone who tries to sound optimistic ... about the coming shortages is a lying traitor to humanity."

He can go f*ck himself.

This is supposed to be about YOU GUYS, it isn't supposed to be for him spouting about apocalypse. I don't usually call enviromentalists A-holes, but this guy is a total A-hole.