Another one tries to bite the dust

[Pekka]

Turns out my cousin tried to kill himself last week. Not in a pathetic cry for help teenager kind of way either, he took "lots of pills", alcohol and opened up his wrists. He was found fast enough by a coincidence, and saved. It really makes me think, because I had no idea he was feeling this badly about life.

I took him for a stable guy, I mean he wanted to be a cop couple of years ago. He is only like 20, then again that's the prime statistical point when most Finns would kill themselves as young males. I really couldn't believe my eyes when I was reading the e-mail I got about it. Total shocker. But I guess many of these cases are, people hide their pain pretty well, or at least the suicidial tendencies.

And he's also the one I'd least expect to go that way, he's the youngest of the few cousins I have. Apparently he got lots of pressure for not getting into a school. It's such a typical thing in here too. It's like Japan. You need to get into a school, after that, who cares but if you don't, and you want to study, it's such a difficult place for a young person to cope with it. You can't get anything done in here unless you have a degree, I mean they say a degree really doesn't matter, but in reality, you can't get a job unless you do. Maybe a career in the night time office cleaning, but that's about it. So you don't have any prospects, and he's been struggling with this so... the pressure got to be too much, he lost his sparkle and tried to kill himself.

The sad thing about this is, that if he is in this condition now, well, this is the time to apply to schools, so I doubt he'll get in, because instead of studying hard, what he needs is help so it's not about to go away either. I'm kind of tired of these suicides anyway, as I've told, my best friend kill himself some years back as well. So now this? I figure he'll do it again, and succeed, because it was too serious of an attempt so... yeah. It's a tough world, and in here especially it's very easy to fall into the trap to think you're a failure and can't have a life if you don't get in and none of your dreams will come true so.. it's not easy for a whole bunch of people. I guess he can't come into terms with it. I'm afraid he'll do it again more properly this time. I don't know what to think about it.

[ZEE]

Pekka,

i have dealt with an enormous amount of pain in my life. suffering, friends and family suffering, a serious mental disorder, and depression. i have been poor, spit on, laughed at, publically and privately humiliated, and scorned by my so called "peers..."

but never ONCE have i EVER tried to take my own life. i am too proud, sir, to do so... but all the best wishes to your cousin...

[Barnabas]

I remember reading that many people commit suicide in nordic countries due to luck of sunshine which makes them more depressed than in normal circumstances, I guess I would have to live in an enviroment like that to see how it would affect me

[Pekka]

aahz, yeah I have that same problem. I mean it's not a problem naturally, but.. I really can't relate. Of course my tolerance for pain hasn't been tested like yours have, but I can't even relate to suicidial tendencies. I even get a bit angry that people would do that. Of course the situation has gotten out of the hand if a person really tries to kill themselves, but I still always kind of think why would they try to do that and hurt so many other people.... naturally the situation was out of the hand quite obviously, so there's no reason to blame them for it.

But still, my natural reaction is slight anger, as in why are you so weak, why can't you help yourself, find help, accept help, why do you keep being this weak. It might not be the most humane reaction, but that's what naturally comes to me. Then again I believe in the absolute right for your own body and mind. That is, if you want to kill yourself, you know.. you can. Who are we to say you can't end your life. But that's only philosophical angle to it, I still feel let down by him.

I think it's getting to b a joke of a some kind. THis would be the third person to kill themselves in my immidiate circle, and I don't even know how many in the circle of people I know. 4th? 5th? What the **** is that all about, ALL young males. Well fits the statistical profile.

I can't relate. I can't understand it. I mean I can reason it, but I can't feel it. I understand struggle, but I can't understand struggle getting this big of a hold on your life. Obviously it happens. I guess it's impossible to understand depression unless you've really experienced it so.. maybe it's something I won't understand, the domination of the feeling what it gives you, or the suppression of life.

[Pekka]

Barnabas, yeah, and we sadly are the long time #1 place title holders.

[Pekka]

And I feel a bit guilty for trying to distance myself from these things in a selfish way. That is, it seems to me, that there's at least one major tragedy within the family once a year. It's nothing but a big pile of inner fighting like the mafia, then this, and just.. it seems to me all I get is bad news once a year that shocks me. Ok, where's the good stuff? Sad things are part of life, a major part, but when it gets to be the ONLY part, I just feel like distancing myself from it.

I'm a bit sensitive to these issues as well, as in they get me down pretty hard. I'm bad at coping with things I can't control. That is, it seems to me I'm doing great, and then there's the rest of the family who are doing bad. You know, it just messes up my .. feng shui. This is a cruel thing to say. Extremely selfish. But I can't help but think, that it would be better if I never hear anything, considering the good parts are things I don't hear either. So why just get bad news? It's like being in the posting list for 'crap news about your life' and that's the only subscription you have.

[Pekka]

Found this about darkness and suicides in Finland:

"In addition, low serotonin levels due to the shortage of natural light during the dark season and other neurotransmitter disorders in the brain have been suggested as key factors underlying Finland's suicide rate, the second highest in Europe. Our kindred nation, Hungary, heads the suicide statistics.

Spring, the season, particularly aggravates the mental health of people who are already anxious and depressed. The mechanism that controls the neurotransmitters in the brains of some people is not able to cope with the rapid increase in the amount of daylight after the winter."

[ZEE]

Pekka,

i can tell this is bothering you. life is hard my friend. i have been delt one of the bull****iest hands one can be delt with in life. one must man up and take it, like i am doing. i take the pain, and keep on going. yes i stumble, and make an ass out of myself. i have depression and low seratonin myself.... life is not nice to me.

one must be strong. when things get hard for me i tell myself... "MAN UP!" and i do... i will survive and succeed, despite all my shortcomings. and if i can help somebody else, even 1 person, survive as well... then i have TRULY succeeded.
piece

[Pekka]

aahz, right. IT's that.. one wishes to have the struggles others can't take. My own struggles bother me much less than the struggles of my friends or family. I worry about them a lot. I don't worry about myself a lot, maybe not at all. You know and I guess you're the same, that you know you'll always land on your feet, and if you don't, you'll get back to your feet anyway at some point. Even if you can't get up, you'll cope with, you'll just take it. It might get you down, but at least you know you're goign to take it.

But when it's someone else.. you know, things like this happens. So you worry about it. I worry a lot about my dad for example, he is doing fine and is in good health, but I still worry like crazy sometimes. Sometimes when I'm expecting to see him and he is like 10 minuets late, I'm already thinking about car accident. Few summers back, when he didn't come home (when I was visiting) and it was 2 in the morning already, I actually called the cops to see if there has been any reports about car accidents or accidents involving my dad. Well, he came a bit later, he just had stopped for a night out with his old friends. You know, it's like we're married and I'm the one 'WHERE ARE YOU?!'. So when I start to worry about other people, it gets to be too much, because I don't worry about myself so much, so maybe I just don't how to deal with this emotion very good and it tends to go too far.

[Ecthy]

Why does Hungary have such a high suicide rate?

[Ecthy]

According to this site Lithuania Russia and Belarus do much worse

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_suicide_rates_by_country

[Pekka]

Ecthy, I don't know. Actually this came as a surprise to myself and Finland doesn't seem to be the title holder any more.

In general these say, that the reason why young people commit suicide a lot is because of sexual and emotional abuse, stress, unplanned pregnancy, problems concerning sexual preference, unemployment, imprisonment, and running away from home.

So I think this one matches the profile with stress, possibly unemployment as well and basically the dreams shot down brutally, I guess he is depressed as well so.. it's a mix to handle. ,

[realpolitic]

So many ex-Warsaw pact countries at the top of the list. Why?

Disappointment at how things have turned out?
Lack of a safety net?
Corruption?

[Kuciwalker]

Probably still feeling the effects of decades of communism.

[Barnabas]

Finns and Scandinavians were never commies unless you consider a big welfare state to be something commie) but they commit suicide quite often.

Arent those countries quite atheistic? maybe the lack of a belief in the afterlife, means having one barrier less, for commiting suicide.

If they thought, suicide is a mortal sin, a smaller number of suicides would happen