They come in with their headbands and their iPod armbands and lifting gloves and sleeveless Under Armour tank tops, as if they're Olympic powerlifters, and they ALL want to use the bench, and they ALL think they're twice as strong as they really are, so they ALL load up the bar with more than they can handle, and then they get stuck under the bar, and need someone to help them, and then they huff and puff for five minutes, still at the bench, by the way, so that noone can use it, and then they try again, and fail again. And they don't understand super sets, so if you're in the middle of an intense superset routine, and leave one set of dumbbells on the floor to go do your deadlifts, when you come back you find out that someone else has taken them (even though they should be going way lighter, but that's besides the point), and you say "Erm, I was, like, kinda using those" and they say "Oh, I thought you were done. I'll be done in 5 minutes," to which you want to reply "DO YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT A SUPERSET IS, DUMBASS?" but don't actually say. And it's worse when they're there with a fellow New Year's Resolution Buddy, because then they think they're there to chat, and maybe, if they're feeling charitable, to get a few exercises in, but lingering on the equipment as if they were going balls-to-the-wall, all the while stealing not-so-furtive glances at the mirror while they flex, as if they aren't, variously, fat or scrawny, and attempting to chat up the closest hottie, as if the gym were a place to socialise. And when they do decide to grace the equipment with their attention, they sweat all over it so that when they forget to wipe it down when they're done, they can further distress their fellow patrons.

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