Should I stay or should I go?

[FrostyBoy]

As most of you know, I am working in Singapore, but everyday I am getting increasingly more depressed.

It started when my fiance left me, I had to find a place on my own and live on my own. Every night I return to the same small lonely bedroom. I hate it. If I had done something wrong to Michelle, maybe I would feel I deserve it and it wouldn't be so bad.

Shortly after, my only friends I have here, whom aren't really friends, just colleagues, decide to leave me also, for no particular reason. So now I lunch alone everyday. I work alone, I do everything alone.

I am getting increasingly stressed out everyday, I am quite sure I am the most over-worked in office and I am finding it hard to cope, while at the same time wondering where my life is going here in Singapore.


I don't know what to do, I am afraid to make friends look for a gf, because they will most likely just desert me in the end, this is what always happens to me - throughout my life. I have no idea why this happens, is this a common thing? People no longer liking you for no reason and just simply ignoring you and even talking bad about you behind your back simply because its fun? I mean, to be shut off for no reason at all, it can be hurting.


I don't want to return to NZ, because I will just end up in the same predicament, but at least my family is there. But that's not enough for me. Am I destined to live alone, be a rebel? I don't know what the **** to do anymore, I feel lost and pointless everyday. I never used to be this way, I always had a sense of direction and I understood how to be happy, but not anymore, it just vanished from me.

[Addled Platypus]

gotta make some lemonade there Sn00py

I seems freinds are harder to keep, the older you get.
I only have 1 high school friend that I keep in touch with, and that is getting to be less and less

Maybe 2-3 co-worker firiends from my job, most of our family is out of the area, or just too wacky for contact

"the wife" is pretty much in the same boat

Rise above the occasion

[Lul Thyme]

If I go there will be trouble
And if I stay it will be double

[Pekka]

Well here's what I'd recommend... seems that you are feeling lonely and this is bringing you down.

The truth is, we are all lonely, what differs is how much it bothers us. This seems to bother you quite a lot now, and you are placing the feeling of sadness to manifest this belief of loneliness.

Well, what you need to do is get some quality time for yourself. Since you are working too much, accumulating stress..... I mean, more work will NOT help you, or bring you friends..

You need quality time to relax and reflect on things. YOu will feel a whole lot better. Just spoil yourself. It doesn't have to cost much, but take some time off. A week or two. Or even just a long weekend. DO something you wanted to do for the longest time but you never just had the time or what ever excuses.

Get to know yourself. When you get to knwo yourself, you don't feel so lonely or sad. You will adapt better, feel better and enjoy things more. PLUS you are more likely to make more friends after that.

It's difficult to make new friends in adult life. Mostly they just come out of a relationship, work or a hobby. Since the work thing isn't working for you and you are out of a relationship, you still have the BEST option left for making friends. That is through a hobby. You meet people there, and you'll see if you hit it off with someone, and you already have some thing in common.. you like your hobby. Just don't be too desperate. In these kind of things you see fast who you like and know if they like you as well, and if it's mutual, it's easy to tell plus there's a good chance for becoming friends.

[Aro]

I feel your pain.
I was married for 20 years. Before that, two marriages without kids (3 years and 1 year, respectively). My last wife hates me. I sent the money of the kids with 4 days of delay, this month, first time since the divorce, because I’m broken… And that make me a SOB. The other two ignore me. My ex-girlfriend is disappointed with me. She doesn’t hate me, but she thinks I have no spine. A worm. Because I don’t earn enough money to marry her, because I don’t support her as I should do, because I have to work and have no time… Not enough time, at least..
When the subject is women, you don’t have any way out. You’re condemned from the beginning.

About friends… I have a lot of acquaintances, but friends? Really friends? People who stands for you, no matter what? Not many.

I’m lonely, and maybe this is better.
Anyway, we have Poly… We always may come here and post our sorrow… Someone will pay attention, and most likely will say something nice.
Btw, they use to say something bad, also.
My advice...

Go.

[Arrian]

I am afraid to make friends look for a gf, because they will most likely just desert me in the end

Two suggestions, for what they're worth:

1) If you let that fear of abandonment control you, you make it certain you will have no friends.

2) Do your best to forget about "looking for a gf" for a while. Sort out some other things.

It just so happens that the one time in my (teen/adult) life that I decided I was done with worrying about girls, all of a sudden I met some and ended up with a long-term gf (~3 years, didn't work out) and, ultimately, my wife (I didn't know she liked me until years later, but it was during the "I don't care anymore" period that she apparently fell for me).

-Arrian

[Cort Haus]

Desperation is unnattractive. Remember that.

[LordShiva]

Go out to a club, have a drink or two, relax, dance a little (if you know how), and chat up some girls.

[MOBIUS]

Leave Poly?

Yeah, it's dying anyway...

[Dis]

If it's any consolation, I feel the same way (except for the girlfriend part). Okay that probably doesn't cheer you up.

Why did you girlfriend leave you? Surely there must be some reason?

I really can't judge on your situation as I don't know how Singapore is. And I'm certainly not going to give advice on finding a girlfriend.

But I'm really down too. I usually do with the long nights of December. Usually don't cheer up again until April.

[Dis]

oh, and do what I do. Don't eat lunch. I work through my lunch. Saves having to eat alone.

[SlowwHand]

Why do so many hate eating alone? I never understood that at all.
I just want to eat. People wanting to gab slows what I'm trying to do.

[Wycoff]

Re: Should I stay or should I go?

Originally posted by Sn00py
I don't want to return to NZ, because I will just end up in the same predicament, but at least my family is there. But that's not enough for me. Am I destined to live alone, be a rebel? I don't know what the **** to do anymore, I feel lost and pointless everyday. I never used to be this way, I always had a sense of direction and I understood how to be happy, but not anymore, it just vanished from me.

Come to the U.S.

[SlowwHand]

Better yet, come to Texas. You'll need to show an invitation, but I can give you one.

[Wycoff]

Originally posted by SlowwHand
Better yet, come to Texas. You'll need to show an invitation, but I can give you one.

Why would he want to go to Texas. He wants a girlfriend, so we know that he's straight. He's obviously not a steer. There's nothing there for him.

Come to Virginia, the Old Dominion state.