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Just found this on my hard drive. The style's definitely mine, but I'm buggered if I can remember writing it, or what it's about.
There's loads of crap like that. I need help.
Stefu
Stefu's relentless quest to expose the internet's more bizarre sexual fetishes has been recently exposed as a diversionary tactic in order to hide his own position as founder of the "Udderlings". Udderlings have a sexual fixation on dairy produce and depict themselves as anthropomorphic cheeses, yoghurts or other milk-based produce. Stefu (real name Tatu Ahahahahahahahahahaha) is known in their community as "Big Cheese" and is justly famous for his artwork depicting the furry and moist intimate patches of bacillus growth of fellow Udderlings. Every Friday night his community congregate for "tinysex" sessions (known as "churning" amongst Udderlings) where Stefu can be seen enthusiastically licking the rinds of his colleagues.
Stefu's greatest claim to fame in Apolyton came in Suomithreadi 4 where he accidentally performed a successful demonic summoning through mis-spelling a particularly obscure gynaecological term and had to abandon his posting for the night after vomiting ectoplasm over his keyboard.
Asher
Asher is not his original handle- he was previously known as "Ihavenoarms" and made all his posts by pressing his face into his keyboard and giving the keys a vigorous tonguing. Regrettably, being a typical sloppy computer-based "indoor type" his habit of eating at his PC caused crumbs and food debris to collect in his keyboard. This festering filth around the toxic keys of his i-Mac caused his tongue-based posting to give him botulism, which he blamed on Steve Jobs.
After abandoning his concept posting, he started using his arms again. He also branched out into the performance art scene where he met his boyfriend- an avant-garde mime artiste who recently spent a full three weeks on a Calgary street corner impersonating an Intel-compatible heatsink. Asher was so impressed that he took him home to meet his motherboard.
He posts on Counterglow despite being Canadian, and is best-known there for his publicly-stated desire to have artificial breasts fitted so that he can nurture and suckle Venom.
Skanky Burns
Antipodean trawlerman recently released back into the community after an unfortunate incident with a gazelle in a juicer. Skanky firmly believes that if you can't say something nice about someone then you shouldn't say anything at all, and therefore spent a couple of years moaning and gently butting his head against the wall while visiting Apolyton. This ended last June when he unexpectedly snapped during a visit to the M003 forums and posting an 8,000 word diatribe describing exactly why everyone posting on that day was a "stinking **** ****" and anounced that on his next visit he would be posting stark bollock naked and wearing DanQ's severed head as a rudimentary penis sheath.
Famously stated on Apolyton that he had been stalking Dan Magaha for years and now had some grainy photos of him sunbathing naked at Cyprus which he intended to auction on E-bay. Just before the thread was locked, he announced that extracts of the Civ4 source code could be clearly seen reflected in Dan's suntan-oiled scrotum, hence the high reserve price.
Stefu's relentless quest to expose the internet's more bizarre sexual fetishes has been recently exposed as a diversionary tactic in order to hide his own position as founder of the "Udderlings". Udderlings have a sexual fixation on dairy produce and depict themselves as anthropomorphic cheeses, yoghurts or other milk-based produce. Stefu (real name Tatu Ahahahahahahahahahaha) is known in their community as "Big Cheese" and is justly famous for his artwork depicting the furry and moist intimate patches of bacillus growth of fellow Udderlings. Every Friday night his community congregate for "tinysex" sessions (known as "churning" amongst Udderlings) where Stefu can be seen enthusiastically licking the rinds of his colleagues.
Stefu's greatest claim to fame in Apolyton came in Suomithreadi 4 where he accidentally performed a successful demonic summoning through mis-spelling a particularly obscure gynaecological term and had to abandon his posting for the night after vomiting ectoplasm over his keyboard.
Asher
Asher is not his original handle- he was previously known as "Ihavenoarms" and made all his posts by pressing his face into his keyboard and giving the keys a vigorous tonguing. Regrettably, being a typical sloppy computer-based "indoor type" his habit of eating at his PC caused crumbs and food debris to collect in his keyboard. This festering filth around the toxic keys of his i-Mac caused his tongue-based posting to give him botulism, which he blamed on Steve Jobs.
After abandoning his concept posting, he started using his arms again. He also branched out into the performance art scene where he met his boyfriend- an avant-garde mime artiste who recently spent a full three weeks on a Calgary street corner impersonating an Intel-compatible heatsink. Asher was so impressed that he took him home to meet his motherboard.
He posts on Counterglow despite being Canadian, and is best-known there for his publicly-stated desire to have artificial breasts fitted so that he can nurture and suckle Venom.
Skanky Burns
Antipodean trawlerman recently released back into the community after an unfortunate incident with a gazelle in a juicer. Skanky firmly believes that if you can't say something nice about someone then you shouldn't say anything at all, and therefore spent a couple of years moaning and gently butting his head against the wall while visiting Apolyton. This ended last June when he unexpectedly snapped during a visit to the M003 forums and posting an 8,000 word diatribe describing exactly why everyone posting on that day was a "stinking **** ****" and anounced that on his next visit he would be posting stark bollock naked and wearing DanQ's severed head as a rudimentary penis sheath.
Famously stated on Apolyton that he had been stalking Dan Magaha for years and now had some grainy photos of him sunbathing naked at Cyprus which he intended to auction on E-bay. Just before the thread was locked, he announced that extracts of the Civ4 source code could be clearly seen reflected in Dan's suntan-oiled scrotum, hence the high reserve price.
There's loads of crap like that. I need help.
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