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I've got a nutty friend. I mean PROFOUNDLY nutty. I once described him as what would happen if Hunter S. Thompson had a puppy with a labrador retriever, and I stand by that description. He's a big, bumbling affectionate man, but insufferably narcissistic and prone to long rants about pop-culture. Plus he's emotionally unstable and has been in and out of mental hospitals. He graduated from my college about a year ago.
I saw him last week, we had a few drinks, talked old times. A few days later (yesterday), I learned that he'd left a suicide note on Myspace. ****! Enter panic mode. Thankfully my long-distance GF kept some presence of mind when I told her about this. I told her his last name and hometown, and she looked up his phone number.
So: I had no idea if he was alive or dead, but feared the latter. I was actually hoping this was a phenomenally sick joke, and trying to tell myself it was so I would feel angry rather than scared. But I called the number with the expectation that I might have to tell his parents (who he lives with) that their son was dead.
"Hello, is this Friendsdad?"
"Speaking."
"You don't know me, but I'm from Washington College, I'm a friend of his and...did you know your son posted a suicide note online?"
"Yeah, actually, he's got a long history, see, last year..."
"No, I mean today. He posted it today."
"Yeah, I know."
At this point, I was baffled. He wasn't acting at all surprised or worried. Then I heard my friend's voice in the background, and his dad passed me over to him.
"Hello?"
"That's not funny, you *******!"
"Huh? Is this--is this Elok?"
"YES!"
"Holy crap, man, how'd you get this number?"
"Looked it up online. What were you thinking?"
"Huh? Oh, the suicide thing. I was kind of depressed after my visit to Chestertown last week, so I started talking about killing myself. I was actually kind of surprised by the reaction, to be honest (chuckle). I wrote the note and was planning to do it that night, but I got this flood of e-mails and stuff and everybody talked me out of it. So, how have you been, man?"
"Worried."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make everyone worried, I thought I was actually gonna do it."
"Yes, [Friend], because that's what we were all worried about--that you might NOT kill yourself! We were all saying, 'Man, I hope this stupid bastard goes through with it, I'd hate to think he's still alive!'"
"Hahaha, well, you know, I'm a crazy guy, what can I say? I was in a mental hospital."
(muttered) "Yeah, maybe you should go back..."
And we went on from there. I let him go after five minutes or so of outraged yelling, because I'd borrowed somebody's cell phone and didn't want to eat up her minutes. I then returned to my room and watched an hour and a half of really stupid TV (God bless the Fox Sunday lineup) to calm down.
I'm not fishing for comfort or anything with this thread; I'm pretty much okay. This is just the sort of experience that's meant to be shared, so others can appreciate how surreal life gets. My mood can be summed up as:
I saw him last week, we had a few drinks, talked old times. A few days later (yesterday), I learned that he'd left a suicide note on Myspace. ****! Enter panic mode. Thankfully my long-distance GF kept some presence of mind when I told her about this. I told her his last name and hometown, and she looked up his phone number.
So: I had no idea if he was alive or dead, but feared the latter. I was actually hoping this was a phenomenally sick joke, and trying to tell myself it was so I would feel angry rather than scared. But I called the number with the expectation that I might have to tell his parents (who he lives with) that their son was dead.
"Hello, is this Friendsdad?"
"Speaking."
"You don't know me, but I'm from Washington College, I'm a friend of his and...did you know your son posted a suicide note online?"
"Yeah, actually, he's got a long history, see, last year..."
"No, I mean today. He posted it today."
"Yeah, I know."
At this point, I was baffled. He wasn't acting at all surprised or worried. Then I heard my friend's voice in the background, and his dad passed me over to him.
"Hello?"
"That's not funny, you *******!"
"Huh? Is this--is this Elok?"
"YES!"
"Holy crap, man, how'd you get this number?"
"Looked it up online. What were you thinking?"
"Huh? Oh, the suicide thing. I was kind of depressed after my visit to Chestertown last week, so I started talking about killing myself. I was actually kind of surprised by the reaction, to be honest (chuckle). I wrote the note and was planning to do it that night, but I got this flood of e-mails and stuff and everybody talked me out of it. So, how have you been, man?"
"Worried."
"Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make everyone worried, I thought I was actually gonna do it."
"Yes, [Friend], because that's what we were all worried about--that you might NOT kill yourself! We were all saying, 'Man, I hope this stupid bastard goes through with it, I'd hate to think he's still alive!'""Hahaha, well, you know, I'm a crazy guy, what can I say? I was in a mental hospital."
(muttered) "Yeah, maybe you should go back..."
And we went on from there. I let him go after five minutes or so of outraged yelling, because I'd borrowed somebody's cell phone and didn't want to eat up her minutes. I then returned to my room and watched an hour and a half of really stupid TV (God bless the Fox Sunday lineup) to calm down.
I'm not fishing for comfort or anything with this thread; I'm pretty much okay. This is just the sort of experience that's meant to be shared, so others can appreciate how surreal life gets. My mood can be summed up as:
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