Cheer me up please

[Colonâ„¢]

Alright, at the moment I'm eating a sandwich. After I finished it I'll be going to bed. When I return to this thread in 5 to 10 hours from now I want to read stuff that cheers me up. I mean it.

[DRoseDARs]

Jack for Jesus!

[LordShiva]

Man: You sit here, dear.
Wife: All right.
Man: Morning!
Waitress: Morning!
Man: Well, what've you got?
Waitress: Well, there's egg and bacon; egg sausage and bacon; egg and spam; egg bacon and spam; egg bacon sausage and spam; spam bacon sausage and spam; spam egg spam spam bacon and spam; spam sausage spam spam bacon spam tomato and spam;
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam...
Waitress: ...spam spam spam egg and spam; spam spam spam spam spam spam baked beans spam spam spam...
Vikings: Spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam!
Waitress: ...or Lobster Thermidor a Crevette with a mornay sauce served in a Provencale manner with shallots and aubergines garnished with truffle pate, brandy and with a fried egg on top and spam.
Wife: Have you got anything without spam?
Waitress: Well, there's spam egg sausage and spam, that's not got much spam in it.
Wife: I don't want ANY spam!
Man: Why can't she have egg bacon spam and sausage?
Wife: THAT'S got spam in it!
Man: Hasn't got as much spam in it as spam egg sausage and spam, has it?
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam... (Crescendo through next few lines...)
Wife: Could you do the egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam then?
Waitress: Urgghh!
Wife: What do you mean 'Urgghh'? I don't like spam!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!
Vikings: Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up! (Vikings stop) Bloody Vikings! You can't have egg bacon spam and sausage without the spam.
Wife: I don't like spam!
Man: Sshh, dear, don't cause a fuss. I'll have your spam. I love it. I'm having spam spam spam spam spam spam spam beaked beans spam spam spam and spam!
Vikings: Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam!
Waitress: Shut up!! Baked beans are off.
Man: Well could I have her spam instead of the baked beans then?
Waitress: You mean spam spam spam spam spam spam... (but it is too late and the Vikings drown her words)
Vikings: (Singing elaborately...) Spam spam spam spam. Lovely spam! Wonderful spam! Spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam spa-a-a-a-a-am spam. Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Lovely spam! Spam spam spam spam!

[Combat Ingrid]

The easter bunny hates you

[Terra Nullius]

You must study the duck. You must play with the duck. You must talk with the duck. You must know the ways of the duck.

[MrFun]

We won the war in Iraq.

[ajbera]

[SlowwHand]

If you woke up, it's already a good day.

[LordShiva]

Originally posted by ajbera

[Pekka]

ohh look at the cute puppy! Puppies are best man... I know we have some haters here, but that's OK.. puppies are still best. Puppies smells nice and look at that dude going, I hope he/she doesn't fall because sometimes puppies fall... and they can't handle slippery slopes that well.. I want a puppy!!

[ajbera]

Not as funny. In the original it's not so much that God kills kittens as punishment for diddling yourself, but that the instruments of God's wrath are little fuzzy monsters. That shit's high-larious.

But, you get points for posting a picture of a puppy. Well done, sir.

[duke o' york]

Thanks Pekka - that cheered me up.

[Pekka]

duke, I didn't post the pic.. however.. puppies are also the best way getting chicks. When you have a puppy or a young dog, they can't resist! They have to come and pet it and then you're kind of talking already. If you have some guts, you can ask it's ok if they pet them, if you can pet them in return.

Besides, girls always thinks that a person that owns a cute puppy or dog, they have to be cool people too.. this we know to be true.

[LordShiva]

Puppies!

Police Puppies!