Announcement

**Colon™** · July 10, 2006, 12:04

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&refer=columnist_gilbert&sid=auIfxtNxYV6E

Seven Reasons Why U.S. Will Never Embrace Soccer: Mark Gilbert

July 10 (Bloomberg) -- Now that soccer's World Cup is over, it's time to puncture the myth that anyone cares whether the U.S. gets enthusiastic about the world's most-watched sport, known to the rest of the universe as football. Here are seven reasons why the beautiful game is doing just fine without the U.S.

1) Forty-Five Minutes With No Advertising Breaks?

I had the misfortune to watch some World Cup games on the ESPN sports network owned by Walt Disney Co. In its enthusiasm to cram in as many advertisements as possible, the channel managed to miss the start of the second-half of one match.

U.S. sports fans are accustomed to touchdowns and slam-dunks alternating with pitches every few minutes for Ford Motor Co.'s latest ``buy now, pay nothing until Doomsday'' offer, or Geico Corp.'s talking cockney gecko riffing on the link between cheaper car insurance and free pie and chips. Depriving U.S. viewers of these marketing gems would be the thin end of the wedge that leads to communism.

2) Careful, You Might Break a Fingernail

American football players strap what looks like imperial storm trooper armor to their torsos. Then they squeeze two thigh pads, two hip pads and something called a tail protector into their Lycra girdles. A pair of elbow pads, a pair of knee pads, a crash helmet with face and chin guards, and they're all set to take the field, fully insured against the dangers of a contact sport.

Soccer players, meantime, make do with shin pads tucked into their socks. So, yes, they will writhe around on the ground after a collision. And sometimes, yes, they are faking it. Often, though, it's the inevitable result of boot meeting body part without the benefit of six inches of padding.

And for anyone who wants to argue that American footballers need shock absorbers because soccer tackles are milquetoast by comparison, check out the crunching blitzes of rugby players.

3) No, He Hasn't Had His Pocket Picked, He's Been Tackled

U.S. commentators are used to filling in the huge gaps between anything happening in U.S. sport. Consequently, they are wizards at waxing lyrical about the philosophy of sport and reeling off strings of redundant statistics, though incapable of actually describing what's happening on the pitch.

During the England versus Ecuador game, for example, the ESPN crew treated viewers to a long, long debate about whether Wayne Rooney's decision to wear a long-sleeved shirt was crimping his skills. A dollar for every time a U.S. sportscaster refers to ``picking pockets'' instead of making tackles would easily fund your supply of ``light'' beer for a season.

Dave O'Brien, selected to lead the ESPN live broadcasts, had never called a soccer game before this year, the Wall Street Journal reported July 5. No wonder even U.S. fans, according to the newspaper, called the coverage unsophisticated and riddled with mistakes.

4) Dude, Where's My Instant Gratification?

The finest soccer matches are typically won and lost by the slim margin of a single goal. Even a 0-0 draw can produce a thrilling spectacle. If you want a sport where the score builds inexorably, minute by minute, try snooker. Or darts.

And while a penalty shoot-out (note to U.S. commentators: They're called penalty kicks, or penalties. Not ``PKs,'' which sounds like some kind of military punishment regime) may not be the ideal way to resolve a stalemate, it beats the alternatives. So let's hear no more U.S. bleating about sudden death ``golden goals'' as the way to resolve tiebreakers.

5) Travel Broadens the Mind

In the unlikely event that the U.S. ever did come up with a national team worth supporting, fans would have to venture outside the borders of the 50 states to cheer on their heroes. That might not be so easy; in testimony to the U.S. Senate last year, the American Society of Travel Agents estimated that ``75 to 80 percent of Americans'' do not possess a passport.

6) Should I Get Excited Yet?

The U.S. Library of Congress lists more than 400 items of baseball music memorabilia, with songs about the U.S. version of rounders ranging from ``The Baseball Polka'' in 1858 to ``We Are the Winners'' from 1990. I'm already at the ball game, so what on earth is the point of playing ``Take Me Out to the Ball Game'' ad nauseum? In basketball, ``repetitive organ music is played at key points of the game,'' says the Wikipedia Web site. ``The announcers often play a `charge' bugle call to accompany the home team entering the visitor's side of the court.''

Soccer has no need of such auditory clues to remind the hard of thinking that it's time to get excited. At a soccer game, you are concentrating on the action for the full 90 minutes, not ladling red and yellow paint on to a hot dog, trying not to spill your bucket of Diet Coke, or entering reams of play-by-play statistics into a notebook.

7) Soccer Moms

The England team is accompanied by a cadre of photogenic footballers' wives and girlfriends, known as WAGS, and led by Victoria ``Posh Spice'' Beckham. In games featuring Brazil or Sweden, the cameramen are spoilt for choice as they scan the crowd for gorgeous supporters sporting the team colors.

In the U.S., the adolescent male mind associates soccer with soccer moms, defined by the Merriam-Webster online dictionary as ``a typically suburban mother who accompanies her children to their soccer games.'' No wonder American males drop soccer at the first opportunity; besides, their sisters are so much better than they are at the game.

Entertainment in the half-time break of a soccer match typically consists of the substitute players kicking a ball around. The scope for, say, a Janet Jackson costume failure is severely limited.

(Mark Gilbert is a Bloomberg News columnist. The opinions expressed are his own.)

To contact the writer of this column:
Mark Gilbert in London at magilbert@bloomberg.net.

Last Updated: July 9, 2006 19:09 EDT

Bloomberg - Are you a robot?

http://www.bloomberg.com/apps/news?pid=20601039&refer=columnist_gilbert&sid=auIfxtNxYV6E

**Saras** · July 10, 2006, 12:05

You read Bloomberg.com, good start

**MichaeltheGreat** · July 10, 2006, 12:09

The announcing was pretty idiotic.

**MichaeltheGreat** · July 10, 2006, 12:15

I think it's interesting that in all the whining and second-guessing about Zizou's head butt, that nobody seems to note that Materazzi was blatantly holding Zidane before the verbal exchange. Bad form to get red carded in OT of the final, but there was no lack of verbal or physical provocation.

Also, I thought it was a bit odd with the time delay, looking like Zizou had got off clean, then having the head butt broadcast in the stadium, then the sudden, magic convenience of "yes, I saw it" and the red card, especially when the ****ing ref never saw Zizou being fouled at any point in the game.

**Spiffor** · July 10, 2006, 12:19

World Football Thread XIII - to Berlin
World Football thread XII
World Football Thread XXX - Germany 2006
World Football Thread X - Germany 2006
World Football Thread IX - Weltmeisterschaft Ausgabe
World Football Thread VIII - The beautiful game?
World Football Thread VII
World Football Thread VI
World Football Thread V
World Soccer Thread IV
World Soccer thread III
World Soccer Thread II
Worldwide Soccer Thread I
Newcastle vs. Spurs gloating thread.

**MikeH** · July 10, 2006, 12:20

Of course there was a lot of provocation, but he still shouldn't have reacted. I'd really like to know what Matterazzi said.

**Lord Avalon** · July 10, 2006, 12:21

Originally posted by MichaeltheGreat
I think it's interesting that in all the whining and second-guessing about Zizou's head butt, that nobody seems to note that Materazzi was blatantly holding Zidane before the verbal exchange. Bad form to get red carded in OT of the final, but there was no lack of verbal or physical provocation.

Have you been reading the previous thread? A number of different posters mentioned that, in terms of holding, cupping, maybe twisting his nipple, and speculations of the words exchanged. But no matter what Materazzi said or did, for Zidane to react the way he did and take himself out of the final game is just inexcusable.

Unless you're one of those voting to give him an award, I guess.

**Cort Haus** · July 10, 2006, 12:25

Re: World Football Thread XIV - Italy: Hail to the Champions

Originally posted by Colon™
whether Belgium will be champs in 2010

One thing at a time - 2008 first.

Group A
Portugal
Poland
Serbia
Belgium
Finland
Armenia
Azerbaijan
Kazakhstan

Are Belgium are in with a good shout of getting a top 2 spot here? Poland & Serbia may have been poor in the WC Finals, but how did Belgium get on in the WC Qualie?

1 Serbia & Montenegro
2 Spain
3 Bosnia-Herzegovina
4 Belgium
5 Lithuania
6 San Marino

So unless the table lies, Belgium were a little better than Lithuania, but not as good as Bosnia. Work to be done methinks.

**Lawrence of Arabia** · July 10, 2006, 12:26

did they unveil the new rankings?

**MichaeltheGreat** · July 10, 2006, 12:26

Originally posted by Lord Avalon

Have you been reading the previous thread? A number of different posters mentioned that, in terms of holding, cupping, maybe twisting his nipple, and speculations of the words exchanged. But no matter what Materazzi said or did, for Zidane to react the way he did and take himself out of the final game is just inexcusable.

Unless you're one of those voting to give him an award, I guess.

I was referring to the press commentary, not the threads. Certainly, it's inexcusable in an intellectual sense, but 110 minutes into a match of taking all sorts of **** from the other side, and the intellect is probably not well engaged at that point.

**Spiffor** · July 10, 2006, 12:28

Originally posted by MichaeltheGreat
I think it's interesting that in all the whining and second-guessing about Zizou's head butt, that nobody seems to note that Materazzi was blatantly holding Zidane before the verbal exchange.

I did.

And here's the reply from the wanabee Italian Finn

Originally posted by laurentius
Bull****!! Materazzi only tried t show sportmanship juts like buffon was huggin henry. Uptight Zidane gets it all wrong and tries to kill Materazzi.

There was no italian offence [speaking about Materazzi holding Zidane] for the ref to notice.

**Cort Haus** · July 10, 2006, 12:28

Zidane blames Materazzi insults

**MichaeltheGreat** · July 10, 2006, 12:33

Originally posted by Spiffor

I did.

And here's the reply from the wanabee Italian Finn

Yeah, that's it - Materazzi was just tryin' to give Zizou a big man-hug.

**Gangerolf** · July 10, 2006, 12:35

arabs and their temper tantrums

Announcement

World Football Thread XIV - Italy: Hail to the Champions

World Football Thread XIV - Italy: Hail to the Champions

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment

Comment