Will you spend your kids inheritance?

[Tiamat]

My parents set up trust funds for all the kids for college or a car their choice. They traveled before dad's death and shortly before he bought my step-monster a new car paid for it out right with cash so she wouldn't have to worry. He left me some money but mainly the family items as I've whined about here were more important. I find great comfort in writing you this from my fathers desk that he used in high school. These things are worth much more then money ever could be.

So in that vein......I'll leave my children the family items and set up my grandchildren with similar trust, then it's all mine

[Sprayber]

Originally posted by Jon Miller
I do think that kids should be assisted by their parents up to the point that the kids graduate college. After that, there is no obligation and everything is just famial support (which is still a good idea).

Like if you are older, and your neice needs some clothes, I wouldn't see anything wrong with buying her some (of course, if her mother was like my sister, she would take off in a few months for some drug/crime/other related reason, and leave all the clothes that relatives had bought for the girl behind..)

Jon Miller

A person's outlook tends to change when they actually do have the responsiblity of helping to raise a child and when those grandkids start coming. I don't doubt your own personal conclusions because I used to share them based upon my own upbringing. My mother in law pretty much took over raising my brother in law's child for a couple years when things got out of control. My aunt has raised her grandchild from an infant on. All I am saying is that it is easy to say your not getting involved until you see those kids in need. Neither my mother in law or my aunt envisioned themselves raising their grandkid but when things have to be done they are done.

[Flubber]

Originally posted by Alexander's Horse
I'd rather have my parents, who are both still alive and celebrating 50 years of marriage this year, than an inheritance.

I told my dad think about the grandchildren, particularly their education, not us. But basically use your money to make yourselves comfortable. You earned it.

We'll probably get something eventually but I don't even want to think about that day.

Ditto (only 42 years of marriage for them yet)

I tell them to spend every nickle they have. They spent enough on me when they raised me

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by loinburger
That's incredibly stupid. "Oh no, my adopted kid will be the straw that broke the camel's back. Without me he/she would have died and not put any strain on the world's resources."

You're making invalid assumptions. This is extremely unlike you.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Kuciwalker
What if the house happens to be an item of significant sentimental value?`

Too bad.

[chequita guevara]

Originally posted by Lancer
Enormous consumers we are, we can spare a bit to change lives. Remember Che, you are only here in the land of plenty as an accident of birth...

First off, it was a comment, not a moral commandment.

This is something we need to keep in mind as Americans. We are the biggest users and wasters of resources on the planet. If everyone on the planet lived like we do, we'd run out of Earth and billions of people would die . . . or we'd all have to learn to get along with less.

Every new American means there's that much less for our fellow humans who aren't fortunate enough to live in the land of too much. Whether that American is born or brought here, the result is similar, with the difference being that with the adoption, the additional input isn't quite as large (depending on whether you adopt from say, Namibia or Cambodia or from China or Russia).

As NYE notes, to make a decision with such a principle in mind would not be an easy one. It would mean sacrificing to be a parent, waiting years if you wanted an infant or adopting an older, and likely troubled, child (children who need loving and resourceful parents every bit as much as 3rd world babies do).

On top of that, you need to consider what you can give the child. Do you have it in you to look after a special needs child? What are your emotional needs?

We know we don't have the ability to look after special needs kids. Adopting an American infant means that we're likely taking away a child from an infertile couple, whih would be selfish when we have the ability to have our own children (though we choose not to). That leaves foreign adoption for us. And I'm wrestling with the issues involved.

[Dis]

I don't have kids, so the point is moot.

I will blow everything. (money that is)

[Dis]

Originally posted by notyoueither


So then you won't need to help your own kids after highschool, right?

people should be self sufficient after 18 years old. Western society coddles sons and daughters too much.

[Lancer]

Che, consider adopting a Philippine kid. You and yours could come over and stay with us, meet the parents, etc. We're likely not going for another 1 1/2 years, possibly 2 1/2 years however.

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Lancer
Che, consider adopting a Philippine kid. You and yours could come over and stay with us, meet the parents, etc. We're likely not going for another 1 1/2 years, possibly 2 1/2 years however.

Bad advice, I'm afraid. If you're going to adopt a Philippine kid, adopt one without parents. Unless the kid is an orphan, the red tape on both the Philippine and US ends is prohibative.

Nothing wrong with adopting a Philippine orphan, though. I was the Adoptions officer at our embassy here for much of 2005, and it was the most fulfilling aspect of my time here.

Also, my sister and I are adopted.

And I recently adopted my stepdaughter.

Adoption

[Urban Ranger]

Re: Will you spend your kids inheritance?

Isn't this a nonsense question?

Whatever you spent will not be left, thus, is automatically not inheritance (for your children).

A better question could be, "Will you leave an inheritance for your kids?"

[DanS]

Pedantic, a little?

[Tiamat]

Ya think?

[Lancer]

Rufus, can you give us a letter of introduction for when we adopt in a few years? We'll likely be going through the office where you work. Do you think it would help us?

[Rufus T. Firefly]

Originally posted by Lancer
Rufus, can you give us a letter of introduction for when we adopt in a few years? We'll likely be going through the office where you work. Do you think it would help us?

It wouldn't help; everyone I know here will have rotated out by then, so you'd just have a letter from some guy nobody's heard of. And if you're adopting an orphan, you should sail through without problems.

But if you're not thinking of adopting an orphan, let me give you a bit of advice. Filipinos, as you probably know, think very differently about adoption than do Americans. Filipinos tend to think of an adoptive parent as more a guardian than a true parent -- that is, as someone who's taken over looking out for the welfare of the child, not as someone who truly is a parent.

As a result, Filipinos see nothing wrong with letting a friend or family member "adopt" a child, if that child would be materially better off with the adopted parent. But they don't think of this as voiding the rights of the biological parent. It's not uncommon for a child here to be the adopted child of a wealthy aunt -- say, someone in the US, whom they eventually hope the kid will join -- but to still live in the Philippines with his biological mother. In fact, it's not even uncommon for an AmCit relative to adopt a kid, petition him to the US, and then have the kid turn around and (unsuccessfully) petition his biological parents!

I'm probably not telling you anything you don't know.

But the thing is, US law frowns on this kind of adoption. And I can't tell you how many times I saw heartbroken Filipinos in the consulate who had learned that they would not be allowed to take the kid they had "adopted" to the US, because they met the Philippine, but not American, definition of adoptive parent.

So, in sum, be careful and do plenty of research before you start the process. And be prepared for the process to take years.