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Caricature sketches:
I can’t draw, but I’ve always admired those folks who have this skill. The ability to sit down with pen and paper, and with a few lines, and in a shockingly short amount of time, be able to capture the essence of someone.
That’s good stuff.
And even though I am not such an artist, it occurred to me that I could do something similar, by using the art-form that I AM halfway decent at.
Apolyton is filled with colorful characters. Too many to name, really. And it is the big cast of memorable characters that plays an important role in keeping everyone coming back for more.
This then, is my tribute to some of those characters. No names named, but if I do my job well enough, then everyone should have some pretty solid ideas about who they’re “spodabe.”
So…I’ve done a series of mock interviews, and I hope they’ll bring a few chuckles. =)
Int: = The Interviewer
Anon: = The Interviewee
Interview #1
Anon: “Hey…is this gonna take long? I don’t mind and all, but I gotta go kick it with some of the ladies later. You dig?”
Int: “Won’t take long at all…I just need a few moments of your time”
Anon:
(interviewee takes a seat and makes himself comfortable).
Int: So, what do you think of Apolyton in general?
Anon: It’s the shiznit. I give it a . Even better than scrotum piercing. Not quite as cool as SCOTUS piercing, but close.
Int: And the infamous babe threads (even ones that don’t contain pictures Jessica Simpson)?
Anon: Hitalicious.
Int: Are you surprised that there aren’t more women posters on Apolyton?
Anon: Surprised, no. Disappointed though.
Int: Just to pick two long-time female posters at Apolyton, what do you think of Tiamat and BlackWidow?
Anon: I’d hit it. Squared.
Int: And any advice for a brand new poster, coming to ‘poly from elsewhere?
Anon: Two things. Do the DL Dance, and DON’T GET IT TWISTED!
Int: Let’s talk about politics for a moment….looking back to when the first George Bush was President, what did you think of First Lady, Barbara Bush.
Anon: Dude, that’s just sick. I wouldn’t hit it with your d*ck. I gotta go. (interviewee grumbles disgustedly and walks off)
Int: But….but…..
OoO
Interview #2
Anon: (enters the interview room muttering under breath…sits down) “….two fifteen….two fifteen….that’s fifteen minutes to Wopner. Definitely fifteen minutes to Wopner….K-Mart sucks.”
Int: “Thank you for participating in the interview series.”
Anon: “I’m an excellent driver” (nurse arrives to administer a shot, and the interviewee’s eyes clear up at once)
Int: “I was hoping we could spend a little time talking about life on Apolyton.”
Anon: Ahhh. Yes.
Int: “Specifically, I understand that you spend a fair amount of time discussing economics in ‘poly’s OT.”
Anon: (begins to shake from head to toe…looks to floor briefly and then begins to speak). “Economics. Yes yes. A social science, like Physics. And Tarot Card Reading. And....Checkers.”
Int: “Uh….huh…..and….any particular thoughts on the subject you’d like to share?”
Anon: “Pigdog! Evil! Uhhh….Marx! Supply and Demand!”
Int: “Yeeeeees. Could you be a little more clear, perhaps? I’m not quite sure I’m following you.”
Anon: (smiles) Opportunity cost. (says cryptically)
Int: (shakes head, confused). “Houston, we need a summary. Can you tell us perhaps the crux of your economic beliefs?”
Anon: “Easy. If I own it, I earned it. If you own it, you stole it, and I want half. I only want what’s fair.”
Int: (perplexed) “That’s….a remarkable bit of economic theory.”
Anon: (nods proudly) “Thought it up myself. I pwn you.”
Int: “Yes, I’m sure…so how long have you been on ‘poly?”
Anon: “Hey it….it’s five minutes to Wopner. Definitely. (stands and shuffles out of room) “….straight eight…fireball eight….I’m an excellent driver…..”
Int: (still confused) “This uh….concludes our second interview I guess.”
OoO
Interview #3
Anon: (enters affably and sits down…winks). “Hey…you want to see some pictures of me? I got a million. I’m a cutie.”
Int: “Erm….I’ll pass thanks…being that you’re sitting right in front of me and all.”
Anon: “’k sailor…your loss tho. Hey…how are you gonna make notes about this interview anyway?”
Int: “Well, I’ve got a laptop here” (rummages in briefcase and produces a Mac)
Anon: (Interviewee hisses at this point, covers his face and begins to go into convulsions not unlike those of a vampire when confronted by a cross, and/or sunlight. Screams.) “Nooooo! Take it away….take it away, please for the love of God!”
Int: (hides laptop) “I….I’m sorry…my God, what’s wrong?”
Anon: (uncovers his eyes to make sure the offending item is no longer in sight). “I…it’s nothing. If you’ll just give me a moment, I must re-center myself…I just got…a little freaked out I guess.” (at this point, the interviewee moves from the chair to the floor, sits Yoga-Style, closes his eyes, and begins a meditative chant:
“Iiiiiiiiiii…..Beeeeeeeeee…….Emmmmmmmmmmmmm…..Iiii iiiiiiiiii……..Beeeeeeeeeeee……..Emmmmmmmm……..Miiiii iiiii…..Croooooooooooo…….Sooooooooft……Miiiiiii……Cr oooooooooo……Sooooooooft……..
(this continues for some thirty minutes, and, at length, the interviewee returns to a state of serenity and takes his seat).
Anon: “Hey….you want to see some pictures of me? I got a million of ‘em?” (winks)
Int: “Actually, I wanted to talk to you for a bit about your time on Apolyton.”
Anon: “Oh…that.”
Int: “Yes….I understand that you frequently serve as one of the technical resources for the folk who frequent Apolyton when one of them has a vexing computer problem.”
Anon: “Well, yes….sometimes. But only for the folks who are already at least somewhat enlightened. I mean, I don’t suffer fools for any reason.”
Int: “But how can you tell if they’re fools or not?”
Anon: (looks around the room to see if anyone is watching or listening, and then leans close to whisper) “If they mention the A-word, or the L-word, it’s a dead giveaway.” (interviewee nods conspiratorially).
Int: “I’m not sure I understand….the A-Word? L-Word?”
Anon: (another whisper) “You know…Apple….Linux.”
Int: “Ahhh. I get you.” (nodding conspiratorially in return)
Anon: “Yes….but of course, if anyone has a question about anything Wintel, then I’m more than happy to chime in and help. Sometimes, especially on these newer rigs, the Flux Capacitor can cause a general misalignment of the Warp Core, and when that happens, it can throw the Johnson Rod all kinds of out of whack, but really, all you have to do is adjust the registry settings so that the size of the page file is equal to the square root of the coefficient of……”
(the explanation continues on for three and a half hours)
Anon: “….and that’s all there is to it! Very user friendly, I think. Piece of cake.
Int: (unable to respond…still trying to stuff his brains back inside his head)
Anon: “Hey….you want to see some pictures of me? “
If these get a good response and are enjoyed, there may be more....
I can’t draw, but I’ve always admired those folks who have this skill. The ability to sit down with pen and paper, and with a few lines, and in a shockingly short amount of time, be able to capture the essence of someone.
That’s good stuff.
And even though I am not such an artist, it occurred to me that I could do something similar, by using the art-form that I AM halfway decent at.
Apolyton is filled with colorful characters. Too many to name, really. And it is the big cast of memorable characters that plays an important role in keeping everyone coming back for more.
This then, is my tribute to some of those characters. No names named, but if I do my job well enough, then everyone should have some pretty solid ideas about who they’re “spodabe.”
So…I’ve done a series of mock interviews, and I hope they’ll bring a few chuckles. =)
Int: = The Interviewer
Anon: = The Interviewee
Interview #1
Anon: “Hey…is this gonna take long? I don’t mind and all, but I gotta go kick it with some of the ladies later. You dig?”
Int: “Won’t take long at all…I just need a few moments of your time”
Anon:
(interviewee takes a seat and makes himself comfortable).Int: So, what do you think of Apolyton in general?
Anon: It’s the shiznit. I give it a
. Even better than scrotum piercing. Not quite as cool as SCOTUS piercing, but close.Int: And the infamous babe threads (even ones that don’t contain pictures Jessica Simpson)?
Anon: Hitalicious.
Int: Are you surprised that there aren’t more women posters on Apolyton?
Anon: Surprised, no. Disappointed though.
Int: Just to pick two long-time female posters at Apolyton, what do you think of Tiamat and BlackWidow?
Anon:
I’d hit it. Squared.Int: And any advice for a brand new poster, coming to ‘poly from elsewhere?
Anon: Two things. Do the DL Dance, and DON’T GET IT TWISTED!
Int: Let’s talk about politics for a moment….looking back to when the first George Bush was President, what did you think of First Lady, Barbara Bush.
Anon: Dude, that’s just sick. I wouldn’t hit it with your d*ck. I gotta go. (interviewee grumbles disgustedly and walks off)
Int: But….but…..
Interview #2
Anon: (enters the interview room muttering under breath…sits down) “….two fifteen….two fifteen….that’s fifteen minutes to Wopner. Definitely fifteen minutes to Wopner….K-Mart sucks.”
Int: “Thank you for participating in the interview series.”
Anon: “I’m an excellent driver” (nurse arrives to administer a shot, and the interviewee’s eyes clear up at once)
Int: “I was hoping we could spend a little time talking about life on Apolyton.”
Anon: Ahhh. Yes.
Int: “Specifically, I understand that you spend a fair amount of time discussing economics in ‘poly’s OT.”
Anon: (begins to shake from head to toe…looks to floor briefly and then begins to speak). “Economics. Yes yes. A social science, like Physics. And Tarot Card Reading. And....Checkers.”
Int: “Uh….huh…..and….any particular thoughts on the subject you’d like to share?”
Anon: “Pigdog! Evil! Uhhh….Marx! Supply and Demand!”
Int: “Yeeeeees. Could you be a little more clear, perhaps? I’m not quite sure I’m following you.”
Anon: (smiles) Opportunity cost. (says cryptically)
Int: (shakes head, confused). “Houston, we need a summary. Can you tell us perhaps the crux of your economic beliefs?”
Anon: “Easy. If I own it, I earned it. If you own it, you stole it, and I want half. I only want what’s fair.”
Int: (perplexed) “That’s….a remarkable bit of economic theory.”
Anon: (nods proudly) “Thought it up myself. I pwn you.”
Int: “Yes, I’m sure…so how long have you been on ‘poly?”
Anon: “Hey it….it’s five minutes to Wopner. Definitely. (stands and shuffles out of room) “….straight eight…fireball eight….I’m an excellent driver…..”
Int: (still confused) “This uh….concludes our second interview I guess.”
Interview #3
Anon: (enters affably and sits down…winks). “Hey…you want to see some pictures of me? I got a million. I’m a cutie.”
Int: “Erm….I’ll pass thanks…being that you’re sitting right in front of me and all.”
Anon: “’k sailor…your loss tho. Hey…how are you gonna make notes about this interview anyway?”
Int: “Well, I’ve got a laptop here” (rummages in briefcase and produces a Mac)
Anon: (Interviewee hisses at this point, covers his face and begins to go into convulsions not unlike those of a vampire when confronted by a cross, and/or sunlight. Screams.) “Nooooo! Take it away….take it away, please for the love of God!”
Int: (hides laptop) “I….I’m sorry…my God, what’s wrong?”
Anon: (uncovers his eyes to make sure the offending item is no longer in sight). “I…it’s nothing. If you’ll just give me a moment, I must re-center myself…I just got…a little freaked out I guess.” (at this point, the interviewee moves from the chair to the floor, sits Yoga-Style, closes his eyes, and begins a meditative chant:
“Iiiiiiiiiii…..Beeeeeeeeee…….Emmmmmmmmmmmmm…..Iiii iiiiiiiiii……..Beeeeeeeeeeee……..Emmmmmmmm……..Miiiii iiiii…..Croooooooooooo…….Sooooooooft……Miiiiiii……Cr oooooooooo……Sooooooooft……..
(this continues for some thirty minutes, and, at length, the interviewee returns to a state of serenity and takes his seat).
Anon: “Hey….you want to see some pictures of me? I got a million of ‘em?” (winks)
Int: “Actually, I wanted to talk to you for a bit about your time on Apolyton.”
Anon: “Oh…that.”
Int: “Yes….I understand that you frequently serve as one of the technical resources for the folk who frequent Apolyton when one of them has a vexing computer problem.”
Anon: “Well, yes….sometimes. But only for the folks who are already at least somewhat enlightened. I mean, I don’t suffer fools for any reason.”
Int: “But how can you tell if they’re fools or not?”
Anon: (looks around the room to see if anyone is watching or listening, and then leans close to whisper) “If they mention the A-word, or the L-word, it’s a dead giveaway.” (interviewee nods conspiratorially).
Int: “I’m not sure I understand….the A-Word? L-Word?”
Anon: (another whisper) “You know…Apple….Linux.”
Int: “Ahhh. I get you.” (nodding conspiratorially in return)
Anon: “Yes….but of course, if anyone has a question about anything Wintel, then I’m more than happy to chime in and help. Sometimes, especially on these newer rigs, the Flux Capacitor can cause a general misalignment of the Warp Core, and when that happens, it can throw the Johnson Rod all kinds of out of whack, but really, all you have to do is adjust the registry settings so that the size of the page file is equal to the square root of the coefficient of……”
(the explanation continues on for three and a half hours)
Anon: “….and that’s all there is to it! Very user friendly, I think. Piece of cake.
Int: (unable to respond…still trying to stuff his brains back inside his head)
Anon: “Hey….you want to see some pictures of me? “
If these get a good response and are enjoyed, there may be more....
Not so many comments thus far, but I'm glad you guys are enjoying!
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