Ann Coulter comes out of the closet!

[realpolitic]

(If only this were true)

Coulter Comes Out as Transvestite Trickster

Thu Jan 27, 2:03 PM ET

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WASHINGTON - Shock-pundit Ann Coulter dismayed her right-wing fans today when she admitted to being a cross-dressing man in Thursday's press conference. "This started as a joke, as satire, and I think that it has just gone to far." he said to a startled press.

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AP Photo

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AP Photo



Ann Coulter was born Fredrick Guebermann, of Des Moines, IA. Fredrick moved to San Fransisco on the 1980's to start a career in drag shows. There, he worked under several stage names, including "Crystal Dawn" and "Rosie the Rocket".

"The point of drag shows is to take things over the top, to really push the boundaries of what we think about. Normally, this is done in a very physical way, with lots of glam and glitter. I wanted to see what would happen if I tried to look normal, but act over the top." Ann said to the press.

In 1993, Fredrick received breast implants and started taking hormones. He has not yet had a sex-change operation, and still uses the masculine pronoun.

Upset about the conservative backlash against gay culture, and inspired by satire and parody shows in local theaters, Fred decided to try an experiment. "I dressed up like a suburban housewife and went to a Republican rally. I chatted with my table mates about how evil gays are, and how liberals are destroying America. They ate it up. I had seven guys' phone numbers by the time I left, and some of them were married."

Fredrick then started creating the persona of Ann Coulter, fabricating a background and moving to the East Coast to start moving in conservative circles. "I wanted to see how far I could take it. I wanted to see how extreme I could make the rhetoric before somebody realized it was a joke."

"I'm amazed that nobody ever saw through it. I kept reaching for more outrageous things to say, more hateful, horrible accusations to throw around, and I couldn't beat these guys. No matter what came out of my mouth, the conservatives would buy it."

Ann Coulter's bestselling books "started as character notes. I needed more material to talk about, so I started brainstorming. It actually became much easier to do speaking engagements after publishing a book, because then everyone expects you to quote yourself. After years of improv, suddenly I had a script!"

When asked why he decided to stop now, Fredrick replied, "I ran out of material."

Fredrick went on to explain that the reason is two-fold: after years of slowly increasing the extremity of his rhetoric, he reached a plateau. "I just couldn't take it any further without quoting Hitler. And everyone knows, that's the end of the game."

The second reason is the response to Ann's books and speeches: "This has really gone too far. I never expected that people would actually believe this nonsense. I'm offended that America has become the sort of place where Ann Coulter can be this powerful and popular."

Police escorted Fredrick out of the press conference. Investigators are beginning to look into Ann's law practice and background documents to see if fraud has been committed. No court dates are set as of yet.

"I never wanted to hurt anyone." Fredrick told the press, "I just think this joke has gone too far."

[notyoueither]

"I never wanted to hurt anyone." Fredrick told the press, "I just think this joke has gone too far."

Sweet, sweet irony.

[Agathon]

Probably true.

[realpolitic]

With that Adam's Apple, and all that testoserone, I'm sure Ann is a he, but I doubt he's going to admit it anytime soon. I googled "Fredrick Guebermann" and there were only 14 links. No AP, CNN, indymedia, DemocracyNow, just some forums. "Crystal Dawn" was a pornstar google had 99,000 links.

[C0ckney]

fascinating.

[Chemical Ollie]

I wanted to hit it. At least if I could get her with a gag and her hands tied behind her back...

[realpolitic]

I have to admit, Ann doesn't look bad for a man.

[Chemical Ollie]

But hey, didn't someone already post nude close-ups of her, proving she's a real woman?

[Elok]

Sorry, that pic was faked. No Adam's Apple.

[Chemical Ollie]

Originally posted by Elok
Sorry, that pic was faked. No Adam's Apple.

Hint: it's not a picture of her face...

[Elok]

In that case, there aren't enough teeth. And it doesn't look poisonous either.

[Berzerker]

She does have masculine features, so what? Shall we take a close look at y'all to see what feminine characteristics can appear in
males? Frankly I'm not impressed by such superficiality.

[Elok]

Well, you're a libertarian, aren't you? Irrationality is stereotypically associated with women...

(As my GF is libertarian, I hasten to add J/K)

[Berzerker]

irrationality is the enemy of libertarianism Maybe I mis-read that

[realpolitic]

Ann's True Identity Revealed!

Bloggers have set the internet on fire this week with reports regarding the former White House reporter Jeff Gannon and the possibility that he is actually famed right-wing columnist Ann Coulter. Speculation has reached such proportions that a heavily financed Leftwing website has offered a $10,000 reward for any proof that these two "individuals" have been seen at the same place, at the same time.

"The resemblance is striking!" commented an anonymous Washington insider. "Put him in a blonde wig and heels and he looks like the cover of Time magazine."

This rumor is just the latest chapter in the ongoing "Gannongate" scandal. It began when Jeff Gannon asked President Bush a factually incorrect question at a press conference. Soon, bloggers discovered that "Jeff Gannon" was actually "Jim Guckert," an apparent Republican agent. Then, it was revealed that Jim Guckert was also "Bulldog," a male prostitute.

With so many personas already established, many have been quick to buy into the idea of one more. A self-proclaimed, un-licensed psychologist told me that cases like this are actually quite common. "Each persona often represents a certain part of their personality or it can be them acting out a fantasy," she told me. "So you end up with a straight, Republican journalist on Monday, a hot, gay military stud on Tuesday, and a Bordeaux drinking, Nicorette chewing cross-dresser on Wednesday.

Many websites have speculated that the absence of the "Ann Gannon" story from the MSM (main stream media) proves that there is some insidious conspiracy. "You just have to wonder what they're hiding," commented one, "because you've like heard nothing about this. Nothing! Not on Fox, not in the Weekly Standard, not even on Rush's show."

And there has been complete silence from Coulter and Gannon themselves. Neither were contacted for this story and neither responded. And without hard facts or quotes, the bloggers can only boost their theories with comparisons of the two. Usually, this results in name calling, but there have been some weird similarities pointed out.
Most of these could be attributed to most of the Right-wing pundits: they both claim to be Christian but then lie like Satan, they both have to make up quotes to prove that Liberals are evil, and they are both distractions from what really matters in America.

But the bizarre coincidences don't end there.

Both of them recently attacked veteran White House reporter Helen Thomas. Coulter (in defense of Gannon, ironically) called her "that old Arab." Gannon also blasted Thomas online. Strangely though, it was Gannon who posted an unflattering and possibly doctored photo of her on his website. But it is Coulter who is famously obsessed with doctored photos and who recently had to pull a doctored photo of Hillary Clinton from her site after a legal threat. She had posted it as revenge for what she felt was a vindictive distorted photo of her on the cover of a major magazine. Could her/his rage be spilling over to her/his other persona's web page?

I spoke with a self-proclaimed, un-licensed expert on Journalism and asked if she would compare their writings. What she found is that they could easily have been written by the same person. "Both of their work displays a tendency to replace fact finding with a paranoia of the Liberal Establishment. They seem to assume that their readers are either too dumb or too lazy to catch their gross distortions and seem either unable or unwilling to write a well-researched piece."

Another dramatic similarity between them is their apparent contradictive lifestyles. Gannon is a Gay Conservative and Coulter is a Liberal-hating Deadhead. But it is Coulter's hippy past that has sparked some of the more far-out theories. One website claimed that the CIA kidnapped Coulter while she was riding her bicycle to a Grateful Dead show. They replaced her with Gannon, who traded Dead tours for book tours. "I mean come on!" exclaimed "Dark Star," a self-proclaimed, un-licensed Deadhead. "Nobody could go to 67 Dead shows and then write the stuff she does."

There is even a rumor that the prototype of the Talking Ann Coulter Doll originally said "how are you going to work with people who seem to be divorced from reality" before someone caught the mistake.

Rumors continue to pervade the net and even talk radio. One famed host claimed that only a DNA test will clear up the controversy for good. But it is unlikely that either Gannon or Coulter will submit to such a test. But despite the absence of proof, many are completely convinced. "I've heard her talk," commented one on the radio, "and she sounds like a man."