Tweet
"I just couldn't believe it--they were just squatting there and doing their business in broad daylight," stunned camper Lisa Johnson said yesterday.
Johnson was not alone. Recently, there have been a rash of ursine-indecency sightings. Experts fear that, should these activities continue, forests worldwide may prove untenable due to the awful stench.
Dr. Howard Levine at the University of Alabama, head of that school's biology department and one of the world's leading experts on bears, expressed surprise at the finding. "I mean, I guess on one level it should be obvious; after all those years of swiping pic-a-nic baskets and getting into the honey tree, logic dictates that the digested matter would have to go somewhere.
"But traditionally, bears are very tidy animals. They're pretty smart too. They know who we leave those port-a-potties out there for. I'm surprised at them."
Area hunters have pledged a retaliatory strike against the malodorous mammals--a twenty-corpse limit every day until the woods become significantly cleaner.
Local leaders expressed discomfort with the hunters' solution, suggesting economic sanctions instead. New Pope Benedict XVI hastened to offer mediation between man and bear, but these offers were turned down amidst allegations that the Pope may in fact be Catholic.
Johnson was not alone. Recently, there have been a rash of ursine-indecency sightings. Experts fear that, should these activities continue, forests worldwide may prove untenable due to the awful stench.
Dr. Howard Levine at the University of Alabama, head of that school's biology department and one of the world's leading experts on bears, expressed surprise at the finding. "I mean, I guess on one level it should be obvious; after all those years of swiping pic-a-nic baskets and getting into the honey tree, logic dictates that the digested matter would have to go somewhere.
"But traditionally, bears are very tidy animals. They're pretty smart too. They know who we leave those port-a-potties out there for. I'm surprised at them."
Area hunters have pledged a retaliatory strike against the malodorous mammals--a twenty-corpse limit every day until the woods become significantly cleaner.
Local leaders expressed discomfort with the hunters' solution, suggesting economic sanctions instead. New Pope Benedict XVI hastened to offer mediation between man and bear, but these offers were turned down amidst allegations that the Pope may in fact be Catholic.
Comment