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Washington, D.C. - November 27, 2005 - UPeeI Newswire.
Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of December 31st, 2005. The move is being
made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary,
and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead the office has incurred during
the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be significant," stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting
Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot
expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of President as of Jan. 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his
Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him eligible for the position.
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but
with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due
to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily
at night, when few offices of the US Government will
be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center, "stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with
the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script
tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them
successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems
with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned
the "down home" persona in his effort to appear
intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical
work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was
suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking
hands and smiling.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the
Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are
conspicuously vague but should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month,
before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country
in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift
shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.
Washington, D.C. - November 27, 2005 - UPeeI Newswire.
Congress today announced that the office of President
of the United States of America will be outsourced to
India as of December 31st, 2005. The move is being
made to save the President's $400,000 yearly salary,
and also a record $521 billion in deficit expenditures
and related overhead the office has incurred during
the last 5 years.
"We believe this is a wise move financially. The cost
savings should be significant," stated Congressman
Thomas Reynolds (R-WA). Reynolds, with the aid of the Government Accounting
Office, has studied outsourcing of American jobs extensively. "We cannot
expect to remain competitive on the world stage with the current level of
cash outlay," Reynolds noted.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of his
termination. Preparations for the job move have been
underway for sometime. Gurvinder Singh of Indus
Teleservices, Mumbai, India will be assuming the
office of President as of Jan. 1.
Mr. Singh was born in the United States while his
Indian parents were vacationing at Niagara Falls, thus
making him eligible for the position.
He will receive a salary of $320 (USD) a month but
with no health coverage or other benefits.
It is believed that Mr. Singh will be able to handle
his job responsibilities without a support staff. Due
to the time difference
between the US and India, he will be working primarily
at night, when few offices of the US Government will
be open.
"Working nights will allow me to keep my day job at
the American Express call center, "stated Mr. Singh in
an exclusive interview. "I am excited about this
position. I always hoped I would be President
someday."
A Congressional Spokesperson noted that while Mr.
Singh may not be fully aware of all the issues
involved in the office of President, this should not
be a problem because Mr. Bush was not familiar with
the issues either. Mr. Singh will rely upon a script
tree that will enable him to respond effectively to
most topics of concern. Using these canned responses,
he can address common concerns without having to
understand the underlying issues at all.
"We know these scripting tools work," stated the
spokesperson. "President Bush has used them
successfully for years." Mr. Singh may have problems
with the Texas drawl, but lately Bush has abandoned
the "down home" persona in his effort to appear
intelligent and on top of the Katrina situation.
Bush will receive health coverage, expenses, and
salary until his final day of employment. Following a
two week waiting period, he will be eligible for $240
a week unemployment for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he
will not be eligible for Medicaid, as his unemployment
benefits will exceed the allowed limit.
Mr. Bush has been provided the outplacement services
of Manpower, Inc. to help him write a resume and
prepare for his upcoming job transition.
According to Manpower, Mr. Bush may have difficulties
in securing a new position due to limited practical
work experience. A Greeter position at Wal-Mart was
suggested due to Bush's extensive experience shaking
hands and smiling.
Another possibility is Bush's re-enlistment in the
Texas Air National Guard. His prior records are
conspicuously vague but should he choose this option,
he would likely be stationed in Waco, TX for a month,
before being sent to Iraq, a country he has visited.
"I've been there, I know all about Iraq," stated Mr.
Bush, who gained invaluable knowledge of the country
in a visit to the Baghdad Airport's terminal and gift
shop.
Sources in Baghdad and Falluja say Mr. Bush would
receive a warm reception from local Iraqis. They have
asked to be provided with details of his arrival so
that they might arrange an appropriate welcome.
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